It Ain't Me Babe
by Wilb
Summary: Elena has a long and complicated history with both of the Salvatore brothers. Along the way she learns that sometimes you don't always end up with the person you're supposed to be with. Can everything be corrected before tragedy hits? A/H
1. Chapter 1

_**The hottest loves have the coldest ends.-**_**_Socrates_**

* * *

**Present Day**

* * *

Elena Gilbert finished vomiting for the fourth time that day, put the toilet seat down, rose and swished some lukewarm sink water around her mouth. Her hair hung lank against her pallid complexion and she tried to remember a time when her sickly appearance would have bothered her. Now all she felt was layers upon layers of heavy guilt, filling her up until she would be able to do nothing but let it drown her. Today, the last remaining link between Damon and Stefan Salvatore would be severed. Their brotherly bond; which admittedly in the past she had done a lot to devastate, would be cleaved completely in the next few hours. Elena had played hopscotch with them as children, and now, as adults, she had played with their hearts resulting in fatal consequences.

Smoothing down her onyx funeral dress, Elena made her way back into the church, trying to ignore the way the eyes of the mourners and suppressed whispers followed her carpeted path up the aisle. They all knew what she'd done. Even Violetta Savatore, who was crippled with Alzheimer's and hadn't recognized Elena in years seemed to turn her blank eyes and glare as she slid into her place in the front pew. Violetta didn't remember much, but now faced with one of her sons laying dead in front of her, she could do nothing but accept the full extent of the havoc Elena had caused to both of her children.

If there was one truth Elena was sure of it was that she'd genuinely and fully loved both Damon and Stefan at different points of her life. Never at the same time though, loving a Salvatore took your whole heart up, leaving little room for much else.

Elena sensed rather then saw the remaining Salvatore brother enter and sit on the opposite row. She couldn't bring herself to turn and meet his eyes, to see the accusation in them. She understood well enough by herself that she had good as killed his only sibling.

* * *

**2004**

* * *

**"**Elena freaking Gilbert, you do not just get to ditch us on prom night. The Lockwood's after party is Mystic Falls High legend. It's our last big blow out as seniors!" Caroline Forbes whined, about an inch shy of stamping her foot. "Besides" she continued, switching suddenly to being mischievous "Your prom date will be heart broken if you don't come."

"Jesus Caroline, you know Stefan and I just went as friends." Elena retorted, annoyed and rubbing her arms trying to eradicate the goosebumps while they stood in their formal dresses outside the auditorium with the slightly chill Virginia breeze around them. "I came. I did the dancing and the spiking of the punch and got the full experience. Now I'm ready to go home." Turning to the third point in the triangle of her best freinds that were more like sisters, Elena pleaded "Back me up Bonnie?"

Bonnie sighed, by now used to her role as mediator between the blonde and brunette who were equally hard-headed as each other. She dealt with Elena first "Gilbert, why you may only see Stefan as a friend, you know as well as I do that boy wants you. Bad." Bonnie swiveled the other way "And Forbes, we talked about this before we came. Not pushing Elena, remember? We're just glad she wanted to do prom? She's obviously not in the mood to go to a high-school kegger. Even if it is the deluxe version."

Caroline pouted, subdued by her friend's admonishment. "Fine. Whatever. I guess that means more boys for the rest of us." Suddenly brighting, she leant over to hug Elena with a wink "Wish me luck with Tyler, he has a VIP invitation into my panties tonight."

"Care" Elena groaned, fighting a smirk at her friend's candor. "Bonnie, look after her will you?". She embraced her friends once more, listened to another failed attempt from Caroline to get her to go to the party and then made her way to the little red VW bug she'd gotten as a 16th birthday present from her parents two years ago. Once safely inside, she exhaled out a steady stream of breath and let the forced smile she'd had plastered on her face all night slip off.

Yet again she was the one bringing her friends down with her negativity. It wasn't their fault she was no longer the free and uninhibited girl they'd known all their lives. It wasn't their fault her functioning alcoholic of a father had decided to drive drunk, crashing off Wickery bridge six months ago and killing himself and her mother in the process. Elena's parent's deaths had changed her into someone she didn't even recognize. Now suddenly she had responsibilities, things that used to matter didn't anymore. So no, the infamous Lockwood rager that had been something to look forward to since freshmen year no longer did anything for her. All she could do now was mourn over the should haves. Like tonight. Her mother _should have_ been there to take too many pictures of her in her dress and been there to squeal over the corsage her date had given her. Her father _should have_ been there to warn Stefan about there being "no funny business tonight" and to "have her back by curfew or else". But they weren't there. So they didn't

As she drove the darkened roads back to her house, she realized she couldn't face the deserted rooms just yet. Wasn't ready to smell the thin layer of dust that covered all her parent's belongings she hadn't had the heart to box up. The only remaining family member she had now was her younger brother Jeremy. He had been shipped off to family friends in Denver when their parent's death caused him to fall into a drug spiral. The move was hopefully a fresh start for him, something to kick start his life again.

Relieved to be somewhere quiet, Elena found herself parking on the outskirts of the woods and pulled a blanket out of the trunk. She made her way through the trees, disregarding the branches that scratched her arms and tried to remember her way to the hidden waterfall and pool that her family had picnicked at during her childhood. Not really believing her luck, she wrestled her way into a clearing and it was all set out in front of her exactly as she had recalled it, the moonlight giving it an ethereal quality.

She lowered herself to the rocks at the edge of the pond, pulled her dress up and let her feet dangle below into the surprisingly warm water. The noise of the falls crashing down provided a nice background noise that was the perfect distraction to stop any deep thoughts to obsess over.

"Why if it isn't my little bro's girlfriend" She heard called out behind her about half an hour later. "Shouldn't you be getting wasted at the mayor's house and making bad decisions right about now?"

Unfortunately, the sound of the waterfall did nothing to disguise the voice coming from the person that had interrupted her peaceful safe haven. Elena would know that intonation anywhere, it had been needling and teasing her since she'd been six years old. "Damon" She greeted coldly without turning around to confirm her guess. What could she say about Damon Salvatore? Stefan's older, ruder brother that she'd could never seem to escape.

The epitome of an enigma, he had never really been out of her life. As children, the two brothers and Elena had been joined at the hip, until Damon turned ten and inescapably realized he was much too cool and sophisticated to associate with the pair of kids that followed him around like he was the prophet. Then he had taken on the role of the older brother in her life, playing pranks and pestering her until all she could do was scream bloody murder. Of course, next, he inevitably grew up and discovered girls, his admittedly blisteringly good looks helping in his endeavor. As she progressed through high school he was _Damon Salvatore _to everyone else, the untouchable womanizing jerk that everyone ether wanted to date or be. But to Elena he was just Stefan's annoying older brother that always seemed to be at the boarding house with the soul intent of baiting her whenever she would visit.

"Stefan's not my boyfriend, asshole." Elena corrected as Damon sat noisily down next to her. She reveled in the familiarity of their antagonistic banter. Strangely, it felt nice to have someone not treat her like glass after what had happened. "And how did you find this place? Do you just have a honing beacon so you can turn up wherever you're not wanted?"

Much to her chagrin, Damon didn't take her poorly disguised dismissal to heart and let out a bark of laughter, singing out. "Oh my, someone's inner bitch is showing." She could see the ever present smirk on his mouth out of the corner of her eye as he carried on "Easy little one, you aren't the only person that knows about this place. In fact I would go as far as to say that you're on my turf."

She mentally kicked herself, of course he knew this area. She'd forgotten his family often came with the Gilberts when they picnicked here. Mollified, she shrugged "Whatever." Appreciating he wasn't going to leave anytime soon as he knew it was annoying her, she broke the silence "Weren't you supposed to be at prom too? Rebekah Michaelson has been talking for weeks about how she was bringing a college boy as her date."

"Rebekah Michaelson wishes" Damon scoffed, pulling a stainless steel hip flask from the pocket of his scuffed leather jacket and swigging from it. "I told her a vague _maybe_ months ago so she'd let me sleep with her. Girl couldn't get enough of me. Like I'd go to a high-school prom." He mock shivered "All those cheap streamers and rented tuxes."

"You're a pig" Elena grimaced, disgusted at his cavalier attitude.

"And _you're_ a prude" he rebutted. "Don't act like such a virgin."

Elena blushed and tried to bow her head before he could read her face. "I'm not acting like anything" she muttered.

_"No way_" Damon cracked up disbelievingly. "No fucking way are you a virgin. I would have thought my brother would have popped that cherry long ago."

Mortified, Elena pulled her feet up and moved to stand "_That_ is none of your business." She wasn't ashamed of her virginity by any means, but she'd be dammed if she let Damon act like he understood anything _that_ personal about her.

Damon reached up, grabbed her wrist and for once looked genuinely apologetic "Wait, don't go. C'mon I didn't mean anything by it, you don't have to get all embarrassed and haughty."

"I'm not embarrassed" Elena spat out, wrenching her arm from his grasp but sitting back down anyway. She _really_ didn't want to have to go home yet and Damon was providing a distraction, if not a aggravating one.

"So you've nev-"

Elena shot Damon a glance until he held his hands up in surrender "Alright, I'm sorry. I'll shut up." He was quiet for a few minutes before speaking again, quieter this time "How are you doing? After, you know, everything?"

"I'm doing fine" Elena replied automatically.

"No, I mean how are you_ really_ doing? And don't bullshit me with "I'm fine."

Elena turned and studied him contemplatively, his vividly blue eyes in a rare honest mood. Maybe she could tell him the truth, he looked like he actually wanted to know and not just the society friendly version either. She suddenly remembered how hard he took it when his dad had died two years ago. Stefan had taken it in his stride but it had hit Damon hard. Perhaps he _would_ be able to offer some perspective. Every once in a while, he had these strange moments and something happened between them where it seemed like he was the only person she could relate to.

"Sometimes I _am_ fine for a few seconds, then something will bring it all rushing back and it cripples me. Like i'll be walking to class and it'll hurt so bad I just want to crawl up in a ball."

Nodding understandingly, Damon cleared his throat "That'll pass you know. I realize that's not much help for you now, and I wish there was a instant fixit that could take the pain away but there's not. I can promise you though it hurts a little less every day, until it's bearable and you can breath again."

Amazingly, his words did bring Elena a sense of peace she hadn't felt for a while. Just believing this pain wouldn't last forever helped a little. "Thanks" she acknowledged earnestly, quickly squeezing his lower arm once.

As per normal, as soon as Damon had done something halfway decent, he felt the need to balance it out with something equally douchebaggy. "So why won't you give little brother the key to paradise?"

Elena sighed knowing the moment had passed. She reached over to snag his flask out of his hands and ignored his pointed look as she drained the rest of it's contents. Her eyes burned as the drink bit down her throat "If you mean why won't I date Stefan? We're going to have to have way more alcohol to have _that_ conversation."

"I like this version of Elena" Damon commented, grinning. He jumped up on the balls of his feet, disappeared for five minutes into the trees and came back clutching a bottle of wine. "Ask and you shall receive" he announced proudly, placing the bottle in the small gap between their legs.

"Red wine?" Elena questioned, scrunching up her nose. "Ugh"

"Hey, it's all I had in the back of my car. It's a good vintage too, stole it from the Michaleson house." He wrapped his hand around the neck of it and started to move it away "But if you don't want any.."

"No, it'll do" Elena spoke hurriedly, taking it back from his loose grip, popping the cork and taking a long swallow.

Damon watched her for a moment and then turned back to face the falls, the dappling of the moonlight through the swaying branches doing something wonderful to his skin. "So, why not Stefan? He's not completely hideous and he's all boring and bleeding heart-y just like you. A match made in heaven."

Although not meant maliciously, his words struck something in Elena. Is that what he thought of her, that she was boring?

"Don't go getting all offended again" Damon nudged her side with his elbow, noticing her face. "I just meant that both of you are not really risk takers."

'Well maybe, unlike you, we don't all think running the risk of becoming a giant walking billboard for Chlamydia is exciting." Elena retaliated, stung.

Again, Damon took her insult in his stride, chucked and grabbed the wine back. "Touche."

Elena sighed, knowing this was just Damon's way of getting her to open up. The majority of people in her life often tried to pair her and Stefan up, and she was sick of the pressure and everyone saying how perfect they were for each other. Ignoring it was his brother they were discussing, maybe she could explain _why_ to Damon without the judging she was used to. She tucked her chin onto her knees "I don't lead him on you know? I've made it clear to him that I don't like him like that and he says he understands but I just feel so guilty when I'm around him. And he looks at me like I'm just delaying the inevitable." Another drink from the bottle "I don't know, maybe I am."

"You wouldn't have to lead him on, that boy is like a lost puppy. Doesn't understand no." She could feel his searching expression against the side of her face "Don't feel guilty, if it's not there, it's not there. Not your fault." Damon grinned "Besides, now I think about it, you two aren't alike at all. You have a fire that he doesn't."

Brightly smiling, Elena felt warmed from the alcohol and the fact that somebody, anybody thought she had an intensity in her. Eager to not have to talk more about Stefan tonight, Elena let a childhood secret slip and giggled "I used to have the_ hugest_ crush on you when I was twelve."

"Is that so?" Damon inquired arrogantly, puffing out his chest and looking smug. "I'm not surprised."

When she had to push her hand against her mouth to stop another stream of laughter escaping, Elena realized she was riding the line of being drunk. "Well, I did until you put green hair dye into my shampoo. Killed stone dead any fantasies I may have had."

"Oh shit, I'd forgotten all about that. I was a pretty hilarious kid." Answering Elena's glare, he relented "Alright, it's been like eight years. Am I forgiven yet?"

"Maybe" Elena answered coquettishly, flushing when she realized she was flirting with Damon Salvatore. But for right now she couldn't bring herself to care.

"You have to seal it with a kiss" Damon tapped his cheek and smirked.

Wanting to hold on to the levity she hadn't felt in so long, Elena leant over to place a kiss on his cheek bone, gasping when Damon turned at the last second and captured her lips with his wine soaked ones. She froze and her breath hitched for a second, forgetting to enjoy the moment before he pulled away. He sat back grinning, obviously thinking he had just gotten one over on her. She examined his lips for about a second before moving her hand up to behind his neck and pulling him back in.

What the fuck was she thinking? This time it was him who was stunned into inaction before coming to and running his slick tongue along her bottom lip. Elena's hands moved to twist into his hair, her foot knocking the half full bottle of wine over and her mind deliciously blank as his mouth did exquisite things to hers. For the first time she understood why the female population of Mystic Falls was so batshit crazy over this man.

Surprisingly, it was Damon who broke the kiss first. Breathing heavily, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered "Elena, we can't do this. You're drunk and you'll regret it."

"So are you." Piqued and humiliated, she pushed herself away from the expanse of his chest. Was she really that undesirable that the guy who would sleep with anything with tits wouldn't want her? Not sparing him a glance, she stormed off, his calls going ignored. Frustrated and angry it took her longer this time to find the way back to the car, the hem of her dress becoming muddier the more she walked. When she eventually arrived, Damon stood against his baby blue Camaro, looking as self-possesed as she'd ever seen.

"Hey" Damon spoke firmly as she tried to move past him. "All I meant is you're too good for that. Too good for me." He expelled a derisive laugh "I know it, you know it, the whole damn town knows it."

"Don't try to placate me Damon."

Before Elena knew what was happening, she was pulled back up against him. His mouth ghosting kisses up her neck and his hand slipping up her the dip of her waist to caress the curve of her breast. "I'm not placating you Elena." He wrenched ou out gruffly. "Is this what you want? To be felt up against the side of my car?" Letting his hands drop, he took one look at her "Didn't think so."

Flashing in front of her eyes, Elena could see her whole, long life mapped out in front of her. Going to college, getting the mundane job, marrying Stefan and having the kids and the white picket fence life. It was like she was on a ride she couldn't get off. She didn't want to be boring anymore. Damon represented a chance to break the mold and set her own path. "Don't presume you know what I want." She ran her fingers softly over his jawline and looked him square in the eye "I know exactly what I'm doing here."

Like something had snapped in him, Damon tunneled his hands through Elena's long hair, using it as leverage to once again acquaint their mouths. He spun them around so Elena now had her back to the car and he was pushing her up against the metal, both of their hands exploring the other's body. This time Elena could taste all the fervor Damon had obviously kept reigned in before.

Elena knew they had passed the point of no return when he hitched her leg around him and she realized she'd been brazenly rubbing against his clothed erection for at least the last five minutes. She also realized she didn't want this to stop anytime soon. With that thought in mind, she reached behind her to open the door and let Damon guide them down onto the backseat.

"Fuck Elena, we need to stop. Now. Before I can't anymore." He hovered above her as he spoke, his fingertips trailing under her dress, going against everything he was saying.

Letting her head rest against the leather seat below, Elena shook her head "No, I want this." Her arousal spiked "I want you." She hastily started to unbutton the top of his black shirt before he could retreat, her hands trembling and fumbling.

Damon's eyes darkened, and he took her hands in his, stilling them. "Okay Elena," He whispered resignedly "Okay." He helped her out by unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it carelessly somewhere into the front seat.

Trying to stop herself from staring unabashedly at the length his toned chest, Elena sat up and pulled her dress over her head in one fluid movement, figuring it would be better to just get it over with before the second thoughts came rushing in. She lay back down, avoiding his eyes when she realized she was wearing simple cotton, striped underwear. Jesus Christ, what had she been _thinking_? This was all so far out of her league. He was used to lace and satin and _experience. _Suddenly, she felt very naive and childish.

"God, you're stunning." Damon's hands danced up her naked sides, tracing the top cusps of her breasts.

Shocked, Elena looked up at his words, his aftershave providing a peculiar sense of comfort. His wide eyes reflected back at her, and his neck bobbed as he took a deep swallow. Encouraged by his expression, she bent her arms awkwardly behind her and unhooked her bra, holding onto it as she shimmied her panties down her legs and threw both items the way of his shirt. Turning back, she saw that in the time she had fully undressed, Damon had shucked his pants and boxers. She waited for the crippling fear to come when she coomprehended for the first time she was fully exposed in front of a man, but it never did.

As Damon eyed her hungrily, Elena allowed herself to do the same to him, feeling the dampness between her thighs grow as she scanned up from his legs to his face.

"You know" Damon started, his voice hoarse. "Stefan's not the only Salvatore you have wrapped around your finger."

Before Elena had the chance to fully contemplate what he could mean by that, Damon's hands stroked over her stomach, the muscles under his hand tightening as he brought them up to her breasts. She mewled as his callused thumbs rubbed her nipples into tight peaks and bucked as his other hand dipped the opposite way and ran a gentle finger up her slit, collecting the wetness and rubbing it onto the small bundle of nerves at the top. It was all too much, she didn't know how long she could last with this feeling building inside of her, before she exploded with need. Reaching down she halted his hands and intertwined them with hers "Damon, _please_" was all she could verbalize, embarrassingly breathless.

Damon nodded, his face raw and candid and _so_ very open. He lowered his body down to cover hers, and the warmth radiating from him was all she needed to let go of the last of her nerves. Slowly, as she exhaled, he pushed himself inside of her, holding still when she let out a whimper of pain and turned her face to the side. "God, Elena, are you okay?'

Biting her lip, Elena nodded, holding one finger up as she grew used to the the pressure and fullness inside of her. Eventually the quick nip of pain lessened enough for her to meet his eyes and give a slow nod. "All good."

"Glad to hear that" Damon finally allowed the tension to break a little, and smirked. The smile completely dropping from his face as Elena gave an experimental thrust and his head dropped, his eyes flying closed. "Shit, I should have know how tight you'd be."

Elena blushed, worrying he would change his mind. Her fears were alleviated a second later as he began to sink himself carefully in and out of her, his fingers never staying in one place on her body, as if they couldn't take in enough skin before this was over.

Realizing the pain was more than bearable now, Elena stopped grinding her teeth together and rose tentatively up to kiss Damon. Their kiss had a whole new level to it now he was inside of her. Slowly at first so it was barely noticeable, a warmth, then a spark radiated from her core until it had travelled all the way through her. Moaning, she instinctively brought her legs up to tighten around him, no longer caring that she was having sex with the one guy who she'd barely tolerated her whole life.

Their hips now rocking together, Elena stopped feeling shy about the noises she was making. She was too caught up in the pleasure surrounding her to notice that Damon was also groaning, his thrusts becoming reckless and unmeasured. "Don't stop. Please, just, don't stop." As her skin tightened she had the presence of mind to understand that this wasn't supposed to be like this, not her first time. Where was the awkwardness and clumsy fingers? Instead, she got her every nerve ending set alight.

Damon shook slightly as her walls clenched around him and he released one hand to bring back down to her clit. Stroking it slowly until she bit into his shoulder, she spasmed around him and cried out, her arms flying around his neck as she orgasmed. He took one look at her face and jerked, following her over the edge. "Fuck" he breathed, resting his head against her chest as they came down, her fingers absentmindedly stroking the nape of his hair.

She tried to hold onto the moment as their heart rates decreased and the sweat dried, but eventually he moved, taking the warmth with him and leaving Elena cold to her bones. Without speaking he moved forward collecting their clothes and handing them to her. Feeling the ache in her core now that reality was seeping back in, she pulled her underwear back on as he yanked his trousers up his legs, the silence becoming deafening.

"Losing your virginity on prom night huh?" Damon spoke, a strange warped smile on his face. "Who'd of thought you'd be so cliche?"

If Elena had been older, or a little wiser, she would have understood that his flippancy was just a defense mechanism to combat what he was feeling about what had passed between them, and she would have known that what _had_ just happened between them wasn't always like that. But she was young, so all that came flooding back was Damon's earlier cruel, offhand comment about popping her cherry. She abruptly felt very nauseous and her hands shook for a completely different reason this time as she put the rest of her clothes back on.

She was just like Rebekah. She'd fallen for his pretty words and now all she was left with were regrets and a painful memory. As Elena turned to leave, she whispered without looking at him "I'll never forgive you."

The next morning she went up to Stefan at school and asked him out on a date. Elena had decided she no longer wanted to break the mold, people were meant to follow the lives set out for them.

* * *

**2011**

* * *

_This place is still as backwards and outdated as ever_ Elena thought contemptuously as she inhaled the recycled air of the limo she was riding in. Mystic Falls flashed past the tinted windows and she couldn't quite believe she was back in the town she'd left in her rear view mirror seven years ago, hoping she'd never have reason to return.

The car drew to a stop and Elena pulled a compact out of her Chanel purse, making sure her make-up was flawless. She adjusted the blue haute couture dress she was wearing and checked that her hair was still contained in a neat chignon. Taking the deep breath needed to complete the task she'd been set, she opened her door and set one foot encased in a five inch heel out onto the gravel below before stepping up and fully exiting the vehicle.

_Savatore Auto Repairs _glared at her from a faded blue sign hanging over the building she was currently in front of. Catching her eye, a young man dressed in dirty, oil stained overalls gaped at her with his mouth open, twisting the rag in his hand.

"Excuse me" Elena smiled tightly, trying to suppress a shudder as the man leered up her legs. "I'm here to see Mr. Salvatore. Is he available?"

"Wow, you're not from these parts are you?" The worker unhelpfully stated, gummily smiling, the bill of his hat bent over his eyes. "What's your name honey?"

Elena bit harder on the inside of the cheek, resisting the urge to tell him exactly who his _honey _would be if he didn't move his ass and stop asking inane questions. "Salvatore" she responded severely. "Mrs. Salvatore."

His eyes widened and he motioned to himself "I'm Steve". Steve thought for a moment, something that looked like was a great effort for him. "Now Damon doesn't have a sister. And no wife that I'm aware of. So you must be..."

"His sister-in-law, you idiot" Elena snapped, so far past keeping her patience that it wasn't even funny. She took a breath and smoothed her perfectly coiffed hair "Is Mr. Salvatore here or not?"

Obviously shocked by the visitor's rudeness, Steve squinted his eyes and nodded, taking off into the shadows of the inside of the building.

"Ah, Elena. I should have known it was you who scared my employee into hiding." Damon stepped into the forecourt, wiping his hands with a cloth and grease smearing his forehead and clothing. He took one look at her attire and chuckled "The devil wears Prada indeed."

Elena ignored his acidic commentary and felt a surge of irritation go up her spine that he was still as good looking as ever. She was even more irritated she'd noticed. "It's not my fault he couldn't comprehend simple enough questions." Smirking, she observed "Maybe you shouldn't hire employees with below average IQ's."

Face hardening, Damon walked up and peered over her shoulder "So what did I do to rate a visit from the queen of Chicago? Did golden boy accompany you?"

"_My husband _couldn't make it" Elena corrected bitterly, the reason for her visit coming back to the forefront of her mind. Stefan was busy with his company back in Chicago and even if he could have made it, he tried to avoid his brother as much as possible, so inevitably the task had fallen to Elena. The fight that had erupted from _that_ decision had a fallout of weeks. "Do you have someplace more private? There's something we need to discuss."

Damon rolled his eyes and motioned with his hand to a door, leaving Elena to wobble after him on the uneven ground. Entering a cluttered and disarrayed office, she took one look at the stained chair opposite his scarred desk and chose to stand.

"Let's make this quick then" Damon offered, obviously enjoying her discomfort. "What could possibly be so important to drag you away from attending all those important, life changing social event's of Illinois' elite."

Preferring to rip the band-aid off as quick as possible, Elena spoke in what she hoped was a confident tone "I've come to put the boarding house up for sale, and to stay as long as it takes to make sure it all goes smoothly." She nodded once to finalize her bombshell.

Damon laughed incredulously "You don't honestly expect me to believe you came here to put _my house_ up for sale?" Noticing Elena's face was firmly serious, his eyes narrowed "And you can't be stupid enough to believe I'd let you do it."

"Well, that's not really my problem if you believe me or not, is it? You signed over the deeds to the house to Stefan when you needed a loan to buy this place." Elena paused to wipe her finger along the edge of desk in front of her, brushing the dust off her fingertips as her eyebrows rose. "Although I'm not really sure why you bothered." She met Damon's eyes "Stefan no longer wants to pay for the upkeep, it's a money pit."

Putting his head into his hands, Damon scraped his fingers through his hair "This cannot be happening right now." He glanced at her, looking like he was searching for something in her eyes. Evidently not finding whatever it was, he pointed out "Why don't you hock that rock on your finger? It'd probably cover the cost of the house for the next century."

Elena glanced down at her gold wedding band and diamond engagement ring. Flustered, she placed her other hand over them, hiding it from sight. "Maybe if you weren't such a college drop-out you wouldn't have to ask for someone to sell their jewelry to cover your living expenses."

She knew she'd gone too far before the words left her mouth. Damon stood up, the chair he'd been sitting on flying backwards and slammed a palm down onto the wood, causing Elena to flinch at the sound. "I wouldn't be drowning in debt if my perfect brother would help me with the price of my mother's hospital bills and care. Do you have any idea how much everything costs?"

Showing the first sign of humanity since she'd arrived, Elena timidly asked "Is she bad? I had no idea it had become worse."

"Did all the facials you've been having squeeze out all your brain cells? She has Alzheimer's. Of course she's deteriorating." Damon yelled, shaking his head "God, what happened to you, Elena? I don't even recognize who you've become. Over the years you've gotten worse every time i've seen you."

As if he said the magic words, Elena clammed up, the walls solidly back in place before he could get a hint that he was getting close to hitting a nerve. She had her reasons for being such a first-class bitch. "I don't have time to get into petty arguments, Damon. I'm just here to do what Stefan needs, it's neither here not there if he can afford it or not. He wants the boarding house sold." As a matter of fact, there was no way Stefan could afford much of anything anymore, but letting Damon know that was the last thing she'd let herself expose.

"Then you'll have a fight on your hands." Damon promised.

Screaming inside, Elena deplored the fact it was looking like she would have to stay even longer in this hell hole. "Fine, if that's how you want to play it, go ahead. But you won't get rid of me that easy." She ground the toe of her shoe into a pen on the floor, needing something to let her frustration out on and struggling with the words she wanted to call the man facing her. "You are the most, absolute,..."

Damon smirked, the pleasure of watching her suffer in his eyes "Oh trust me, the feeling is mutual princess."

She pivoted and reached for the door handle before he called after her. "Don't forget where you came from _Mrs. Salvatore. _I'll always be your first."

Hating that he would have the last word, Elena turned with a sneer "If you're referring to that inebriated, disgrace of a mess that we had in the back seat of your shitty Camaro." She paused and looked out the window "Which, oh look, you still drive. How quaint." Walking over to the door she finished her sentence "Then I prefer to forget it ever happened." With relish, Elena slammed the door shut behind her, making the glass shudder and strode back to the limo, fully aware of the turbulent blue eyes following her departure.

* * *

**A/N**- As Anybody Else But You Comes to a close, I thought now would be the time to introduce a new story. I hope you can give it a chance! And also I want to make clear that all is not as it seems. Elena has her reasons for being like she is, and as usual takes a lot of guilt onto herself that shouldn't necessarily be hers to carry. Hope it was somewhat enjoyable a read :)


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N- Just to avoid any confusion about the timeline, this chapter and the rest of the story until we reach present day with the funeral will be continuing on from the end of the last chapter, 2011. The only exceptions will be flashbacks which are made obvious with italics. x**_

* * *

Hearing the ring of a phone cutting through her dreams, Elena shifted under a threadbare motel sheet and grabbed the vibrating cell out from the side of her purse. She squinted against the glare of the screen and held the device up to her ear, dreading what would be the next drama to hit. No good came from calls in the middle of the night.

"Where are you 'Lena?" Her husband slurred from the other end of the line, his voice distorted both by alcohol and a bad connection. "I can't find you anywhere in this fucking mausoleum of a house."

Elena pinched the bridge of her nose, tightly enough, she hoped, to stave off the migraine that was about to be triggered by being woken up at two in the morning. "I'm in Virginia, Stefan. Remember?" The stale air of the room sent goosebumps up and down her arms, she'd been forced to freeze all night because she refused to put the provided top comforter anywhere near her skin. The stains covering it were ghastly legacies of the many previous occupants of the room. "I'm here getting the boarding house sold, you know this."

"Right, yeah of course."

She didn't really understand why she was even trying to carry on the conversation, pretending like it was normal her spouse was so lit he couldn't even remember she wasn't in the same state as him. There was no point in using reasoning when Stefan was like this, God knew she had enough experience of him in this condition to know better.

"I'll talk to you as soon as we have any progress." Elena promised, eager to just appease him and fall back into unconsciousness. When the melody of faint feminine laughter came out of the speaker, she quickly caught on to why exactly Stefan was so eager to know if she was in their home in the first place. It didn't hurt like the first time she'd discovered her husband had been unfaithful. Or the second time. Or the third. Now there was only an echo of a spasm of pain in her gut and a sense of ennui. "Well, i'll let you get back to your guest. Don't want to disappoint" she offered unemotionally and hung up.

Twisting the wedding band around her thin finger, she recalled a time when he would have had called straight back after he realized how badly he'd screwed up. Apparently, adultery didn't even rate a courtesy call anymore. It was even more difficult for Elena to remember a time when she would've cared about his failure to attempt a reconciliation. Unfortunately, her energy had run out tonight to raise even an ounce of annoyance. What was the point? He'd have forgotten their whole exchange by morning anyway, blissfully erased by his own special brand of self-medicating.

The Stefan Salvatore that had loyally followed her to Yale and then Chicago, the one she'd married, was but a vague memory now. He'd been so certain in their relationship, choosing his future solely with her in mind. They'd stayed away from Mystic Falls after high school, and after they'd both graduated college, she'd been so proud as he shot up the ranks in one of the most prestigious insurance firms in the city. Eventually finding himself the youngest partner in three decades.

Of course after the intoxicating peak came the inevitable fall.

His decline hit fast. It started with the gambling to cover the funds he'd lost in a succession of bad business decisions. Then Stefan had become so good with moving around money, that he managed to keep his failures hidden and his esteemed position in the firm unblemished. His partners and Chicago's elite none the wiser of any monetary discrepancies. But, the pressure of his deceit and the continuous threat of his house of cards falling down ushered in the drink with a side of heavy abuse of prescription medicine, and that little gambling problem soon became a full blown monkey on his back. Stefan's vices kept piling up until one day Elena could no longer recognize the man she'd married.

She'd tried to help at first, wrung herself out over and over again, pleading for him to go to rehab or to try and salvage their marriage. But deep down she knew better, she'd already lived through this with her father, knew that Stefan had a disease that would poison everyone around him and he wouldn't seek out help until he hit rock bottom. Obviously, she'd found herself on the cusp of leaving an immeasurable amount of times, even got so far as a suitcase in the trunk and down the road once. And every time something wouldn't let her go; that small, puzzle piece of herself deep down that hopelessly held onto a chance that everything would be okay again.

Now that piece had long since disappeared, as did the escape efforts, Elena just didn't have it in her to care enough to want to get out anymore. All her vivacity, zeal and faith had been drained, leaving her with only the cold comfort of being vitriolic as possible to all those she came in contact with. It took everything she had just to get up in the morning and put on the show for all of Chicago's key players. That was her only contribution to their marriage now, keeping Stefan's corruption and debauchery hidden and helping with the boarding house sale as a last ditch attempt to crawl out of the hole of debt they were in.

_"God dammit," Elena cursed, scrabbling frantically with her hands at the cream bow that sat tightly knotted on top of the base of her spine. She took a shallow breath, fighting the white spots dancing in her vision and stuck her head into the hallway, pleading for anyone to walk by and come to her aide._

_Well, anyone but him, she groaned as a lone figure came into view._

_It was no use, Stefan's best man and brother would have to do. "Damon," Elena hissed at the dark headed male sauntering past her hotel room "Can you come in here for a sec?"._

_He wildly looked around to see if there was possibly another Damon in the vicinity she could have been talking to. Since that regrettable prom night years ago, they'd barely spoken more than a few sentences at a time to each other. On the rare occasion Damon would fly out to visit his brother, Elena made it her mission to avoid him. Taken aback that his soon to be sister-in-law was now outright addressing him, Damon hesitantly walked up to the cracked open door "Uh, sure?"_

_"I tied the ribbon too tight, and now I can't get it off," Elena confessed as he followed her in, struggling to keep her voice calm to play down her embarrassment. Only she would manage to get stuck trying on her wedding dress the night before her nuptials. Endeavoring not to wipe her sweating hands on the full lace and tulle skirt, she fidgeted against the boning in her corset that was digging into her sides. _

_Damon sidled up behind her, watching her face grow steadily paler in the gilded mirror that stood in front of them. "Hold on one minute." He followed the criss-crossing ribbon that ran all the way down the back of her bodice, finishing with an impossible knotted bow and tried to use his fumbling fingers to unsuccessfully pick at it._

_"Oh God Damon, I can't fucking breathe" Elena gasped, forgetting any sense of decorum as the situation became urgent. Panicking, she twisted her hands awkwardly behind her trying to rip at the ribbon. Damon disappeared for a second and she wondered if he was just going to leave her here to suffocate. A beat later and he was back with a gleaming pair of scissors._

_"Hold still will you?," he ordered, slicing the ribbon from top to bottom and pulling open the back of her dress. "Sorry about that," Damon apologized calmly, surveying the damage he'd done to her gown as Elena bent at the waist and sucked in deep gulps of oxygen. "I couldn't think of what else to do and you were about to turn blue."_

_Elena shook her head, the color returning to her face and stood up straight "It's fine, the seamstress will be able to just replace it with a new ribbon for tomorrow. Thank you."_

_The criticality of the situation now dissipated, the uncomfortable atmosphere between the two returned with full force. "Glad to be of service," Damon coughed, turning to leave "Good luck tomorrow."_

_"Yeah, i'll be the one in white" Elena joked weakly, suddenly tired of the animosity that still followed them from something that she had long since let go of. For the sake of Stefan's relationship with his brother, perhaps it was time to lay old ghosts to rest. "Damon," Elena initiated shyly "it really means a lot to Stefan that you could make it. To me as well."_

_Damon turned, shock flashing in his eyes before he fell into a joking tone "Well, I wasn't about to turn down the open bar you guys are putting on. Besides an invitation to the Salvatore-Gilbert wedding is like gold dust."_

_He was teasing, but it wasn't a lie. The joining of Stefan Salvatore, the bright new up-and-comer in Chicago's business world, to the pretty, fresh faced Ms. Gilbert had been the hot button discussion in society circles since the engagement had been announced._

_"Oh don't," Elena blushed, not entirely comfortable about her brush with notoriety yet. "I would have been happy with a small wedding. Just family and friends, you know?"_

_Damon moved further into the room and settled onto the edge of a plush armchair in the corner, eyeing her with veiled curiosity "That does sound more like the Elena I knew once upon a time. However, the five foot tall ice sculptures that are the centerpieces on every table tell a different story."_

_Elena huffed and flounced down across from him, the skirt of her dress comically puffing up around her. "I know right? They're so ridiculous," she scoffed, eager to talk to someone who would understand how different the world she found herself in was from the one she grew up in. "Everything was all the wedding planner's idea. Stefan didn't want me stressing out over any details."_

_Sensing the girl he'd known since childhood was feeling a little out of her depth, Damon tried to lighten Elena's mood. "Hey, isn't it bad luck to wear the wedding dress before you actually get married or something?"_

_"No you doofus, that's only if the groom sees me in it."_

_Damon rolled his eyes and smirked "Excuse me for not being totally updated on Brides Monthly." Easily dodging Elena's light punch to the arm, he studied her pensively and felt the duty to have a talk with the girl who had held his brother's heart for longer then she perhaps even knew. "So," he begun lamely "This is for real, right? You love my brother and you'll treat him good?" Shit, that wasn't as eloquent as he'd hoped._

_"Yes, you have my word." she assured, trying to hide a smile at his poorly disguised big brother act. The Salvatore siblings played a good game but you'd be stupid to try and come between them. And she did love Stefan, genuinely so. What had started with a foundation of friendship had evolved into a secure and comfortable love, one she could always count on. She felt safe in the knowledge that by choosing to marry Stefan, she had a good chance of always having a companion and backbone for the future. Besides, she was kind of partial to the whole childhood sweethearts shtick._

_"It's just that when we last had a real conversation," Damon pushed, running a hand through his hair and unable to let the subject go quite yet. "Saying you weren't really into it is putting it mildly."_

_Elena bristled at the ambiguous reference to_ that_ night. "I was in high school, Damon" she rebuked gently. "That was a long time ago and I've learnt from a lot of my mistakes. We all grew up."_

_Expelling one short burst of laughter, Damon took a brief scan up the length of Elena's lithe figure "Ain't that the truth." He swiveled his shoulders and dropped his gaze to the floor "Speaking of mistakes, I probably owe you a long overdue apology for uh, well you know, how I treated you after prom."_

_"We don't have to tal-"_

_"No, I think we do." He faced her unblinkingly, and started to talk rapidly like he was finally saying things he'd wanted to voice for a while. "We've tried to ignore it, and it just kind of festers between us."_

_Elena nodded, biting the inside of her cheek "I guess you're right, I don't really know what to say about it though. It is what it is, an awkward memory."_

_"Look, I was a dumb punk who'd been a little infatuated with you for a long time and you were laying there in your cotton panties, looking like everything good and sweet in the world and for some unknown reason you decided I was worthy of being able to touch you. So I did what I always do when I don't know how to handle something, I fuck it up."_

_"I didn't know you felt like that about me."_

_He smirked "What, the way I was always teasing you and hanging around you and Stefan didn't give you a clue?". Waving his hand, he brushed his confession away "Whatever, it was all kids stuff. But I am sorry, and I know you swore to never forgive me-"_

_Interrupting to end his misery, Elena chuckled "Of course I do Damon. It's all in the past."_

_Damon sensed the conversation had gone as well as possible and had reached it's duration. He stood as Elena mirrored him and scratched the back of his neck "Well, I better let the blushing bride get her sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?"_

_Elena smiled an affirmative and at the last second before Damon could slip out of the door, caught the crook of his elbow. Without a concrete reason, she placed a whisper soft kiss on his cheekbone and drew back, head bowed._

_Eyes locking, an echo of something familiar passed between them and then he was out of the door and the recollection was gone once again._

Sometimes Elena felt like laughing herself sick over how naive she'd been back then. Her unwavering and blind conviction in the institution of marriage, believing that it would always be a warm blanket to have throughout life. One by one the vows she had taken had been steadily broken._ For richer or poorer? _What wit. I_n sickness and in health?_ Hilarity ensues. _Forsaking all others, keeping only unto her? _The biggest joke of them yet. The only pledge left intact was _until death do us part_.

After the wedding, and before Stefan's destruction, Elena was thrown into a life she'd never imagined. Stefan was intent on giving her the world, making sure she would want for nothing and would be the perfect candidate to fit in with the other partners of the firm's wives. At first Elena was a little enamored with the whole ladies who lunch concept, in her inexperience she'd told herself she would enjoy the housewife bit for a while and stand behind her husband while putting her college degree to the side for the brief foreseeable future.

Soon, what had been previously fun, like playing a part in a movie, was suddenly her actual life. It had consumed her up until she could no longer recognize herself or any of her old dreams, and climbing the social ladder had become paramount. As Stefan disintegrated behind the curtain, she played her role as the dream wife in public to a tee. And while she perfected the blind eye, credit card bills that had been used to keep the pretense up and everyone around them in the dark, started coming out of their ears.

Now, she had no one to turn to. Her sham socialite friends who worshipped at her feet, would have her disinvited from every house by dinner if they got a whiff of what was really happening. Caroline and Bonnie were barely Christmas card list friends. For a brief while at the beginning of the marriage, Damon had come out for the holidays, until she supposed both her and Stefan became so insufferable even those visits fell to the wayside.

No longer able to keep her head in the sand as Stefan continued ruining their lives, in her desperation Elena took it upon herself to sell the last asset they had left. The boarding house.

Which is why the morning after her latest run in with the eldest Salvatore brother and her phone call with the youngest, she found herself waking up in the seediest motel this side of the Mississippi. One that really put a new meaning to the phrase _rents by the hour_ and came complete with a complementary drug dealer on each floor.

Avoiding the huddled group of men with red-rimmed eyes at the bottom of the flight of stairs catcalling her, Elena hailed a cab to the soon to be auctioned off house. She allowed herself a second to take in the tudor styled exterior of the home that she'd spent the majority of her formative years in, before hardening her face and reaching forward to shake hands with the realtor.

"Mrs. Salvatore?" The lady questioned uncertainly, her red polyester blazer tailored too tightly around the shoulders and her fingernails wearing a matching garish fire-engine polish. "It's Stacy, we talked on the phone?"

"Yes, I remember." Elena pulled her cashmere wrap tighter around her arms in the early morning frost and attempted to keep her shoes from getting wet on the moist grass they stood on. "What exactly are we doing this morning? The faster all this is completed the better."

Stacy nodded anxiously "The sale should be pretty straight forward. Your husband has already sent over everything that needed his signature." The agent pulled a large _For Sale _sign out of the trunk of her car and walked back to where Elena was standing. "We'll just put this in the yard and the offers should start piling in." As she began to hammer the wooden post into the front garden, she spoke nervously over the noise "Of course there's just the matter of the tenant to be discussed."

"What the _hell_ is going on out here" A voice boomed emphatically out from behind them. "Don't either of you move another muscle until I get down there."

"Speaking of" Elena muttered, turning just in time to get a glimpse of Damon retreating from one of the upstairs windows and pounding it shut. A few minutes later he was slamming out of the front door, his eyes fuzzy from the early hour. "Here we go" she breathed to the realtor as they watched the man storm across the dewy grass towards them, clad only in linen pajama pants and a thin white shirt. "Whatever he says, just keep in mind who owns this house."

Damon drew up in front of the two women, his eyes quickly surveying the newly installed sign "Oh no, there's no way." He faced his brother's wife and warned dangerously _"Elena."_

Taking in the heat of his gaze, Elena fought not to flinch under his stare. "We discussed this yesterday" she gritted out between her teeth.

"It's been in the family for decades, I grew up here. Stefan doesn't really want to sell this." Damon bitterly pleaded in one last attempt for sympathy. Seeing Elena's face unchanging, he looked towards the realtor and provided a full blown kilowatt smile. "And what might your name be sweetheart?"

"Stacy," she stammered, trying to keep hold of the file she had almost dropped. Unused to being hit with the Salvatore charm turned up to ten, she smiled back dazedly.

Damon smirked harder, placed one arm around her shoulders and suggested pleasantly "Well Stacy, you see there seems to be a bit of a conflict of interest here. Maybe you should pack up your little sign and Ms. Salvatore and I can get some things straightened out before you come back."

Elena scoffed loudly, butting in before Stacy could fall for his way with words. "Don't worry about him. Just continue with what you were doing and pretend he's not here. It's what I like to do."

Stacy swiveled her head between her warring client and tenant and tried to remember if she had any training for this type of situation. "I-um-I don't know. We could all come back-"

Seeing Damon's smug face enraged Elena even further then she had been since her first arrival and she moved in front of him to stop his imminent removal of the sign.

"Careful there queen bee, you're getting your extortionately priced shoes all ruined." Damon informed gleefully, watching as Elena's heels sunk into the damp soil.

Smiling so wide it hurt, Elena turned back towards the other woman "Stacy? You're free to go now if you want. I'll call later, don't worry the sign will stay in and everything will go according to plan." As they waited for the confused realtor to get into her car and drive away, Elena faced off with Damon "You think you can just flash your baby blues at her and get your way? Sorry buddy, not going to work."

"Baby blues, huh?" Damon questioned cheerfully. "Didn't know you were so charmed by these peepers little sis."

Choosing not to rise to the bait, Elena silently slipped off one of her shoes and without taking her eyes off Damon, used the stiletto heel to finish hammering in the sign. "Nice and deep," she enlightened, equally as brightly.

Damon's face fell. "This isn't over." he guaranteed, pointing a finger towards her. Shouting at her retreating back, he inquired harshly "Hey, where are you staying anyway? I went to Flower's Bed and Breakfast last night to try and talk you out of this shit and she had no trace of you."

Alarmed, Elena whirled back around with her cheeks flushed a high color "Not that it's any of your business but I'm at the Four Leaf Clover Motel off Route 27."

"Miss. High and Mighty herself is staying at the Four Leaf Clover?" Damon questioned disbelievingly, his eyebrows shooting up. Nobody stayed at that roach hotel unless they were desperate. Especially women like Elena Salvatore. Not to mention it was dangerous.

"Yes," Elena spluttered, indignant. "Unfortunately, it's not like Mystic Falls has a Four Seasons and the bed & breakfast had no vacancies. I didn't have a choice." She breathed a sigh of relief as Damon shot her a strange look but decided not to refute her statement.

Shaking his head blithely, Damon snarled "My brother has to be the biggest idiot on the planet sending you out here by yourself to do his dirty work. If you were my wife-." He let his thought trail off and a cruel smile graced his face "Don't tell me the model marriage is in trouble? Everything is all right in paradise on earth, isn't it?"

"Just perfect" Elena huffed, her lips disappearing into a non-exsistant line. "But thank you so much for your genuine concern."

Damon let her leave this time, trying to ignore the sway of her hips in her pencil skirt. "Whatever," he dismissed and promptly removed the sale sign as soon as she had driven out of view, yanking it viciously out of the ground.

_One, two, three..._ Elena counted the tiny pink pills out into her hand. Twelve, there was always twelve. She rolled them around her palm, wondering, as she did every time she carried out this ritual, how such tiny, inconsequential things could end a human life. Last New Years, when she caught Stefan with another woman for the second time (the second of many) was when she'd first grabbed the prescription bottle she now held in her hand out of Stefan's ample stash. Back then, it hadn't even been a fully formed idea that she would ever consider taking them, but as she grew more jaded and kept drowning deeper into the black hole that was her life, she eventually found herself pouring them out into her small hand at regular intervals like an eccentric comfort, morbidly fascinated by the call of nothingness.

A knock sounded on the door and Elena jumped, quickly funneling the capsules back into their bottle. She had been stopped again, something was always there to stop her, she had to wonder if the day would eventually come when there wouldn't be.

"Jesus Christ, this is the last thing I need" Elena griped, looking through the peephole to see Damon on the other side. Maybe if she was quiet and pretended she wasn't in.

"C'mon Elena, I know you're in there. I don't have all night"

Oh, there went that plan. She removed the deadbolt and swung open the old wooden door, crossing her arms as she coldly greeted her guest "Now is really not the best time Damon. Can the chewing me out wait until tomorrow? It's pretty late."

Damon laughed derisively "I'm not here to yell at you. I'm here to take you the boarding house." He stayed staring at her expectantly as she blinked stupidly back at him.

Trying to collect herself, Elena shook her head "And why would you be doing that?"

"Because as much as I can't believe I'm doing this, it's not safe for you to be staying here alone and i'd prefer not to have that on my conscience." He sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes irately when she still made no move from the door, he'd have to try another tact to get her to listen "You wanna know how I knew the exact room to come to? Because your adorable, wholesome neighbors could direct me precisely to that "rich bitch's" room straight away." Pushing past her with no invitation, he started to open drawers, scooping out the contents and piling her clothes onto the bed while ignoring her loud protests. "You're in their radar and you're going to get burgled or worse. So snap snap, let's get to it before I have to drag you out myself."

Realizing Damon wasn't going to take no for an answer and frankly terrified to spend another night here, Elena followed his instructions, making sure her angry, under-the-breath mutters were audible enough for him to get the gist of them.

"You can stay with me until this whole fucking mess is solved."

Finally packed, Elena watched him pick up her two suitcases like they weighed nothing "Damon, why are you helping me? Especially after what Stefan and I are trying to do."

Damon looked at her piercingly, a faint suggestion of tenderness in the set of his jaw "Because I remember when Elena Salvatore was Elena Gilbert. Don't push it."

Elena followed him out of the door blindly into the night, almost awed that he was showing her a kindness she hadn't even considered giving him. Silently as they walked, she could feel a wisp-thin strand of warmth wind its way inside of her.

* * *

**A/N**- Thank you times a million for your response to the first chapter, I hope it will continue to hold your interest! Also, although Stefan in this story is far from being a nice person, I choose to think of how his numerous vices change him from a decent character to an asshole as somewhat of a mirror to how show!Stefan lets his addiction to blood affect him. Can't wait to hear all of your thoughts xox


	3. Chapter 3

Stepping back over the Salvatore threshold, was like stepping back into a long forgotten life. Elena could remember the scuffed Converse, the water fights and the sound of raucous, unrestrained laughter with a fuzzy clarity, like all her memories were suffocating under a veil. Lost in the ghosts of her past, she was brought out of her trance by Damon's hand waving in front of her face.

"Christ Elena, are you even listening?"

"What?" Elena shook her head and focused, irritated by the abrupt return to reality. "No, I was probably implementing my Damon bullshit filter. Goes in one ear and out the other."

"Pretty sassy for someone who just had to be rescued in the middle of the night." Damon waited, expecting a retort that would vehemently contradict his words. When Elena only pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, he persisted "I was _saying_, you can choose any one of the spare bedrooms. None of them have been aired out, but they'll be better than the shit hole you just came from. I hope your delicate sensibilities can deal."

Exhaustedly rubbing her eyes, Elena let out a aggravated sigh "Pleasant."

Damon sneered, opened his hands and carelessly let her luggage fall to the floor with twin thuds "Home, Sweet Home. Have fun exploring, I need a drink."

Mouth wide open, Elena watched as Damon sauntered away towards what she recalled used to be the parlor. Left alone in the drafty, vaulted foyer she bent down and looped her suitcases onto one arm. Groaning at the weight, she started to ascend the stairway to the second floor, now desperate for any place to go to sleep.

"Oh and Elena?" Damon's voice echoed mockingly throughout the house from whatever room he had ensconced himself in.

"Yes Damon?" Elena shouted back equally as loud, making sure to inject some syrupy sweetness into her tone.

She could hear his chuckle before his response came. "Make sure you get some sleep, make-up can only do so much for those bags under your eyes. See you in the morning."

Elena gritted her teeth and refused to give him the satisfaction of a response. Instead, she juvenilely made sure to make extra noise as she finished climbing the stairs and opened the door to the first bedroom she found. If she'd remembered correctly, and Damon hadn't moved bedrooms since she'd last been here, it was a room that was clear in a different wing from his and consequently as far away as possible. Using Stefan's childhood bedroom was out of the question, it felt wrong, like she'd be disturbing a shrine.

The bed sheets on the four-poster billowed up dust as she pulled the tapestry quilt back, and she had to bang the pillows a few times to make them even moderately usable. Probably a damn sight cleaner than what she'd been laying on at the motel she'd just come from though. She pulled off her shoes and let her hair out before laying down, too tired to search for comfortable clothes to sleep in. Hell, she hadn't even bothered to turn the light on.

Watching the reflection of the headlights from the nearby road cross over the wall while she waited for sleep to claim her, Elena tried to figure out Damon's angle. People just didn't help out like that without wanting something in return. And Elena just had nothing left in her to give, not anymore. Never mind the sheer uncomfortable position of sharing a space with someone who was trying to sell your house from out under you. Sighing, she turned over and resolved to work it all out tomorrow, when she could string two cognizant thoughts together.

"Well, well, well, I don't think my virgin eyes know what to do with themselves."

Elena started at the male voice dripping with sarcasm that had jolted her from sleep, her hand automatically flying to cover her face from the sunlight gleaming into the room. "Damon?" she asked drowsily, peaking at the dark intruder through the gaps in her fingers. He stood leaning against the frame of her borrowed bed, gaze sparkling with a smirk firmly planted in place. Abruptly, with a sinking feeling and a blush blazing across her cheeks, she realized what he was finding so amusing. In the night she had half-consciously shucked her uncomfortable clothes, and now Damon was getting the full show of her clad only in French lingerie.

Fingers tearing at the white sheet in their haste, Elena pulled the bed clothes up to her neck to cover herself, spluttering and trying to push her hair out of her face at the same time. "_Do you mind?_ You can't just barge in here without knocking."

"I did…quietly" Damon shrugged, his grin growing even wider on hearing her distress. "Besides, i'm more interested in the fact that you're way more racy than that stick up your ass seems to suggest. Scandalous sleepwear choice, Elena." He leered harder, like he could see straight through to her bare skin.

"Ugh, you're sick and a pervert." Elena erupted, making sure not even her elbows were visible to him.

"Not like I haven't seen it all before, is it?" Damon pointed out joyfully, sitting down on the side of the bed and laughing when Elena shuffled as far away from him as possible without falling off the other side onto the floor.

Completely awake now, Elena caught sight of the time on her watch and shrieked "Eight O'Clock? Why the hell are you waking me at eight in the morning?". She couldn't remember the last time she'd been up at such a hour, choosing usually to sleep and take relief in the complete detachedness until she had to wake in early afternoon for the start of the day's social events.

Damon shot her a look of doubt "Because _sweetcheeks_, I have to go to this thing called _work_. It's what us little people do on the weekdays."

Inwardly chastised, Elena tried to push down the shame that was rising. It had been a long time she had felt such judgement over her lifestyle choice. Back home she was surrounded by people like her, but this world was new and like a smack in the face. Covering up her stumble, she hastily rebuked "So? I don't see why it was necessary for you to disturb _me_?"

Ignoring her question, Damon squinted at her curiously "You know what I don't understand? You own this house, I would have thought before you would consider stepping foot in that motel you would have thrown me out on my ass and stayed here without an invitation. It's in your rights."

Elena stared dumbly back at him, realizing he was completely right. Of course that would be what he would expect of her. Truthfully, that plan of action had never even entered her mind. Contrary to what Damon obviously believed, this wasn't something she enjoyed or took pleasure in doing. She despised Stefan for putting her in this position, but it was the only card left they had to play and so she was burdened with the unpleasant task on her shoulders.

"You may think i'm a raging bitch, but even I wouldn't sink so low as to do that. Stefan wanted you to at least have the time to work out other accommodation for after the sale." Elena tried to keep her comment indifferent, uncomfortable when the flint in his pupils softened minutely.

"I don't think you're-" Damon cut himself off, quiet for a second before changing track. "If this isn't some fucked up power play on my brother's part then give me until tonight to work something out and to make some phone calls. Just one day without you calling the realtor and we can have a discussion tonight. I promise if I can't get anything together then I'll stop making trouble."

Biting the inside of her cheek, Elena slowly nodded. Agreeing not as a favor for Damon, but jumping at the chance to get through this with as least resistance as possible and finishing the ordeal. One day wasn't going to change anything anyway.

"Great" Damon tightly smiled, his lips thinning. "You can occupy yourself for several hours, right? You remember where everything in town is?"

"I guess," Elena shivered. "It's been a while."

Standing up, Damon drummed his fingers against his thighs "Oh yeah, forgot about the whole self-imposed exile thing. You guys got out when you could. Oh well, shouldn't be too hard to find everything again, same old one-diner place.

Elena grew warm at Damon's accusatory tone, it wasn't her fault he had chosen to stay here all these years. As far as she knew, Stefan had never explicitly asked his brother to be the sole carer of their mother. That had been Damon's decision alone.

While waiting for him to go away so she could get dressed, she tried to fill the awkward silence, her etiquette training making her unable to not fill the gaps with small talk. "Is there anyone special in your life? A fiance maybe?" Elena questioned as pleasantly as possible. She remembered the employe at his auto-shop mentioning Damon wasn't married, but she was shocked that she couldn't even think back to if Stefan had told her if his brother was engaged or if he was in a serious relationship.

"No. No one special." Damon laughed and shook his head like it was a unthinkable notion. "I have a lot of _friends_" he emphasized vulgarly, taking visible joy in Elena's disgusted shudder. "Look, you don't like me and I don't like you. You really don't have to do the whole polite chit-chat routine, you won't offend me."

"Fine, works for me" Elena spat back, wounded but not knowing why. Turning her torso away, she stifled a yawn and prayed he'd get the message and leave her alone now.

Damon pointed to a half-full glass he had sat on top of the chest of drawers "Want some of my whiskey? It'll wake you right up."

Elena grimaced and shook her head, dropping her stare to the hands twisting in her lap "I haven't touched alcohol in a long time."

"Why, because of what happened with your dad?"

Pity flooded his tone and made her inwardly cringe. She _wished_ what had happened with her parents and the crash was the only problem alcohol had thrown into her life. "Something like that" Elena muttered, fully concentrating on pulling a thread from the pillowcase. Finally, _finally_ when he realized she wasn't going to say anymore, she could hear his retreating footsteps fade out the room and down the hall.

_"Smile darling, we're not at a funeral" Stefan drew up behind Elena, clenched her forearm tightly in his grasp, and feigned like he was whispering something pleasant to her. "Remember someone's always watching."_

_"We'll be at your funeral if you don't take your hand off my arm." Elena whispered back, fabricating a giggle and looking to all the world like she was flattered by her husband's sweet words. Elena had this down to an art by now, her and Stefan could drip the bitterest venom into each other's ears and make it look like they were uttering the sweetest poems for each other to any onlookers. "This is the third party this week, excuse me if i'm a little less than enthusiastic. I'm not enjoying the effects of a cocktail of pills unlike some.'"_

_Stefan's green eyes turned to pebbles, his jaw clenching like it was in a vice "I will not have this conversation with you again. You know I need to take them." His glare narrowed onto the glass in Elena's hand and he observed coldly "And you may not be riding a medicinal high, but you sure are hitting the booze pretty hard."_

_"Like husband, like wife"_ _Elena simpered back charmingly. "And let's be honest, it's practically a given i'm nowhere near _your_ night's grand total."_

_"Just make sure you're sober enough to meet someone important later tonight. This whole get together is all about Kol Mikaelson and we want him bad." Stefan took Elena's chin between his thumb and pointer finger and turned her face up to his. "I need to land this client, Elena. I've had a few losses lately and his account will make up for it."_

_"How much, Stefan?" Elena asked arduously. "How much did you piss away at the poker table this time?"_

_"It won't matter if everything tonight goes smoothly". He leant in to give her a kiss on the cheek and impart some last words of advice. "Remember, I don't want to have to show off a wife who looks like a lush."_

_After Stefan went to mix with his business colleagues, Elena talked insipidly with her _same_ circle of friends about the _same_ things they always discussed. Waiting endlessly until she would be needed again like a toy taken out of it's box. Trophy wife personified._

_In what seemed hours later, Stefan reappeared and slipped a firm arm around her waist. "Elena, sweetheart? I'd like you to meet Mr. Mikaelson, head of Original Pictures". Stefan grinned, his eyes already taking on the glassy sheen she was familiar with when he was reaching his limit. "And Kol, this is my wonderful wife."_

_Kol Mikaelson, who was banally attractive in a way Elena had seen numerous times before, took her hand and kissed it. "It's a pleasure Mrs. Salvatore."_

_"Likewise" Elena reciprocated, flashing a smile at him. Wide enough to entice but not so much it would show teeth. Well practiced in being bait, she knew exactly the right amount of cleavage to reveal without being obvious and still come off as the devoted spouse. Add a few flattering words into the mix, and hopefully Stefan would have a signature on the dotted line in no time. Her husband had trained her well._

_"I hope you don't mind if I leave you both for a few minutes, Johnny has been hounding me all evening to go over some numbers with him" Stefan suggested, patting both of their shoulders apologetically._

_"Ah!, a fellow workaholic. It never seems to be done, does it?" Kol laughed and shook his head. "Go ahead, I'm sure your beautiful other half will be more than enough company." He turned to Elena, and held his arm out "Will you indulge me in a dance?"_

_Tired to the bone in every way, Elena wanted nothing more than to sink into her bed instead of having a stranger's hands moving up her hips as they danced and have to listen to the inevitable self-serving conversation. But this wasn't her choice anymore. "Of course" Elena agreed, following him to the middle of the floor and acting like there was nothing else in the world she'd rather be doing._

_Halfway through the dance, Elena abruptly realized being spun around and dipped did nothing for her sobriety as the Cosmos she'd been drinking suddenly started to hit her. Her lips tingling, the room suddenly seemed a hundred degrees too hot and her finger's dug into the black fabric of Kol's tuxedo jacket looking for some stability while her vision went double."_

_"Mrs. Salvatore?" Kol questioned, halting all movement. "Are you alright? You've gone paper white."_

_Flustered and trying to keep the situation under control, Elena placed the back of her hand to her forehead and managed a small smile. "Oh i'm fine. I think I just got a little too warm."_

_Concern filled Kol's face, an emotion she hadn't seen directed towards her in so long and it disorientated her even more for a moment. "Let's take you somewhere quiet and get some water." He took her by the arm and started to lead her out through the crowd._

_Elena stumbled slightly, and tried to clear her mind. Something didn't feel right. "No, really it's fine. I'll ju-"_

_"I insist. Can't have you fainting on me, whatever would your husband say?" Kol pulled her harder down one of the hallways that spilt off from the main room._

_Nauseous, Elena just wanted a place to lay down and didn't resist further when she was directed into a guest bedroom of the host's. Kol switched the lights on, the dimmer switch causing the room to be only bathed in a fuzzy, dim glow. Gently palming her shoulders and guiding her to sit on the bed, he took a place next to her._

_"Would you mind getting me some water?" Elena appealed, grateful to feel minutely better after sitting down. As Kol left to fulfill her request, the fresh air in the room almost brought her back to full sobriety._

_"Here." Kol returned, handing her a paper cup and studied her intently while she sipped at it. When she finished and threw away the cup, he reached a finger up and lightly traced along her protruding collarbone "You're such a pretty little thing."_

_Elena froze. "What the hell are you doing?"_

_Smirking, Kol moved his touch around from her neck to her back, playing with the zip on her ball gown "Oh don't play the innocent now. The whole coming over faint act doesn't fool me, you wanted us to be alone."_

_Finally getting control of her motor functions again, Elena ripped herself away from him and stood with her back firmly pressed against the closed door, her heart thundering in her ears. "Oh God, you thought…," She tried to swallow, her mouth going dry "You thought I was going to sleep with you?". Fighting back bile, Elena grabbed the handle to leave and heard the words that chilled her to the bone._

_"Stefan won't be happy."_

_Elena spun back around "He knew?"_

_"Of course he knew. It was _his_ suggestion that you might be open to some fun. And hey, if letting me get to know his wife so much more meant that I would be pleased and susceptible to some of his proposals, then all the better."_

_Oh God, Stefan was happy to figuratively prostitute her to secure a deal. Her heart sunk before her mind could even begin to accept what this meant. If she thought her marriage was bad before, then this was past the point of no return._

_"I'm sorry, you've been sorely mistaken thinking i'd agree." Elena ran out of the room before he could be given a chance to respond. She couldn't understand why it was her that was suffering the warm flush of humiliation. If she could just get home and fall asleep, then tomorrow she could work on pretending this had never happened. _

_After searching for her husband for what seemed like hours, she eventually found him the center of a group of their friends, talking as loud as possible and braying with laughter. It was steadily becoming apparent to all around them that he was heavily intoxicated and Elena needed a Hail Mary to get them out of this. Chuckling like it was the most adorable thing she'd seen, she approached Stefan and grabbed him by the hip._

_"Honey, it's getting late and I think we need to get you to bed." Elena suggested encouragingly, turning to the surrounding group and playfully rolling her eyes in a what-can-you-do gesture. "Stefan's been working so hard lately, you know what it's like when it all comes to a head." Supporting a staggering Stefan towards the exit, she threw one last bomb to try and keep the gossip at a minimum after they left. "Stacy? You might want to find Steve again. I think I saw him going towards the back with Rhonda."_

_Flushing with embarrassment as Stefan tripped clumsily over the curb, Elena pushed her husband into the back of the limo and dropped in beside him, slamming the door shut. The car started to move and she took a deep breath, brought her palm up and cracked it over Stefan's cheek. "Don't you ever try and pull me into your sleazy deals again."_

_The slap appearing to revive him to alertness, Stefan grabbed both of her arms and shook her "I think you'll do good to remember just how lucky you are, Elena _Gilbert_. I didn't have to keep you, or marry the girl from our backwards hometown. I could have had anyone, so i'd tread carefully unless you want to be left with nothing."_

_The seatbelt biting into her chest, Elena wrenched herself away, searching blindly for a glimmer of the man she'd known once. As much as Stefan relied on her to keep his flawless appearance up, she relied on him for _everything_. He was right, if he dropped her she'd be at a loss. And she wasn't thinking about money or material goods, she'd have nobody. She hadn't talked to Jeremy since he moved to Denver in high school, he hadn't even come to the wedding. _

_Berated, she weakly reiterated "Just don't do it again."_

_"Oh don't act so wounded. I thought you'd get some kicks and i'd get my deal. We could have all been winners."_

_Sickened, Elena changed the subject to the other issue in their vast collection. "Your alcohol problem is getting worse, Stefan. You usually can hold it together in public."_

_"Oh please, I don't have a problem. Excuse me for having to drink like I do considering who i'm married to."_

_It was no use talking to him when he was like this. Elena twisted away to look out the window at the rain pelting down and made a swift promise to herself to never touch alcohol again. Not after it had destroyed first her family, and now her marriage. God forbid she ever turned into what Stefan had._

"No way, Elena Gilbert?"

Her feet blistering on the long walk back to the boarding house from a pointless trip to town, Elena's head turned at the sound of her maiden name being called. A ebony skinned girl was leaning out the driver's window of her two-door Ford, sunglasses pushing her hair back. "Bonnie Bennett?" Elena questioned tentatively, squinting and walking up to the vehicle.

"In the flesh" Bonnie confirmed, smiling uncomfortably. "I didn't know you and Stefan were back here. How long has it been?"

Apart from a few visits in the college years, Bonnie was as unknown to her as a stranger in the street. It was Elena's fault of course for letting the old friendships slip away, always caught up in the high and lows of her life one way or another. Ashamed for her part in the lack of communication, Elena shifted her weight to one leg, and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"It's been a while." Elena admitted. "Haven't been back to Mystic Falls since high school graduation. Just here on a flying visit to get some business arranged. Stefan couldn't make it this time unfortuantly."

Bonnie stared back at her rehearsed sounding spiel, looking at her with no recognition of what they had once been. "Well, I hope everything goes well for you while you're here."

"Do you hear from Caroline anymore?" Elena asked, searching for some common ground they could discuss.

"We talk on the phone pretty regularly and I've visited her in New York a few times. She thrives out there, you remember what she was like."

With a flash of jealously, Elena forced a pleasant smile and tried to recall the last time she felt like she had a genuine friendship. "That's great, i'm happy she's doing good."

Bonnie checked her watch "Shit, I have to go. But it really nice seeing you again."

Returning the sentiments, Elena started to walk away, more affected than she thought she would be at the realization that a girl who had grown-up almost as her sister, was barely an acquaintance years later.

"Hey, Elena?" Bonnie called over the rumble of her car's engine.

"Yes?"

"If you ever want to catch up or talk before you have to go back, I'm at the same number."

Elena glanced back, startled. Why would they want to arrange a situation to drag this awkwardness out further?

"I'll definitely try. It's going to be a pretty short trip though." Watching Bonnie smile, nod and then drive away, Elena couldn't help but think that was an offer she had no intention on following up on. What would they possibly find to talk about?

Eventually, Elena arrived back and let herself into the front door of the boarding house, shocked to find it unlocked. She forgot how trusting Mystic Falls was about things like that. Thinking she was alone in the house, and not really knowing what she could find to do next, she trailed into the living room and slumped down onto the sofa, blowing a strand of hair out of her face.

"Find enough around to amuse yourself today?"

Clutching her heart and spinning around, she caught sight of Damon standing casually in the archway and inhaling bites of a gigantic chocolate cake covered in whip. "I didn't think you'd be home yet."

"Got everything in place quicker then I expected." Damon shrugged, chewing with his mouth open. He looked at her closely and held out a fork filled with the dessert "Want some? You look like you could stand to gain a few pounds."

_Stand to gain a few pounds? _Elena tried to absorb those words. She'd been on a strictly no-carbs, mostly greens diet since Stefan had commented on her weight a few years ago when the designer dress she'd been sent had been tailored a little too tight.

"I don't-" Elena started, thrown. "No thank you, I don't like to fill my body with junk" she managed to finish haughtily.

Damon stared at her like she'd suffered a hit on the head as a child. "Suit yourself, no skin off my nose." He moved further into the room, sitting down heavily onto the armchair opposite her and lifting his booted feet onto the coffee table. "So, I wouldn't mind a repeat of seeing you in that slinky number you were dressed in this morning. I bet Stefan just _does_ not know what to do with a thing like you." Grinning quickly at her to punctuate her statement, he shoveled another bite of food into his mouth.

Disapprovingly glancing at his feet on the table, she scrunched up her nose and tried to focus on what he was saying without blowing up. Bored with just being flat out rude like he'd been since she'd arrived, it looked like he'd moved onto flirting to get a rise out of her. Obviously nsulting Stefan's sexual prowess as his first line of attack.

"Neither would you" Elena shot back, clasping a hand over her mouth and blushing as the words she'd spoken without thinking registered. Still, a pleasant spark radiated in her at their repartee, a feeling she hadn't been able to indulge in forever. Trying to distract him from following down that line of thought, she cut to the chase "Well, you asked for a day. What is it that you needed to discuss?"

Damon put his plate down on the table, his face growing suddenly serious "I really need you to hear me out before you nix what i'm about to say." Taking a deep breath, he examined her until he was sure she wouldn't interrupt and then continued "I needed most of the day to call in some favors. And believe me, I called in _every_ favor. From best friends to bank managers, I've been everywhere. And, I can get the money to buy the boarding house. With some loans and debts repaid, I can meet your asking price." Speech growing rapid now, he began to look hopeful "You could even forget the middle man, it'd be so much easier and quicker to just deal with a family member."

Elena tried to take in what he was suggesting "What's the catch?"

"I'd need two weeks to get all the money together and accounted for." Damon winced "Just take it off the market for two weeks".

And there it was. "Two weeks?" Elena breathed. "And what if at the end it all falls through because one of your friends doesn't come up with the cash? Then i'd be back at square one with no backup plan."

"That won't be an issue" Damon promised. "I swear i'm good for it. Please Elena, this is my home. You'd be getting full asking price. Hell, you'd probably not even get that if you went the traditional route."

"Stefan would never go for postponing this. He'd think you were pulling something while we were back home waiting."

Sitting forward, eager now with his elbows resting on his knees, Damon advised "So just tell him you'll stay here to keep a eye on me. Chicago can do without you for half a month, right? You can visit him if you're that desperate."

Elena sat biting her lip, silently considering her proposition. Although dire, Stefan and her's money problems could hold on for that small amount of time. And yes, she hated Mystic Falls and spending more time with Damon wasn't a pleasant idea. But, really, if she was being honest, what did she have waiting for her at home? Chicago wasn't better then here really, maybe a little time away would do some good. Besides, avoiding the older Salvatore wouldn't be a hard task in a house of this size.

"Okay" Elena nodded, resignedly. "Two weeks. I'll make sure Stefan goes for it."

Damon regarded her, a little shellshocked 'Wow, I didn't think it's be that easy. Uh, thank you I guess. Really, thank you."

"I have a heart somewhere" Elena conceded crisply. Choosing not to delve into why it was now making a rare appearance for Damon of all people, she glanced away disconcerted. "I'm just going to go take a nap." At his silent nod, she moved quickly upstairs without chancing a look back.

When she woke up again, it was pitch black outside and her stomach was growling. She'd obviously slept through dinner and she couldn't even remember her last full meal. Creeping downstairs without the aid of the light, she felt along with her feet on the stairs and found her way to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator produced only the last, huge slice of the cake Damon had been consuming earlier. It was set right smack in the center, a covering of cling film over the plate.

Sighing, Elena made a lightning quick decision and grabbed it, sitting down at the breakfast table and beginning to dig into it before she talked herself out of eating it.

"_Mm_hm" Damon's pleased tone drifted from somewhere behind her. As usual he appeared at the most inopportune times without a sound.

Without turning around, Elena held up her pointer finger "Not one word."

Damon just smiled knowingly, passing by without comment

* * *

**A/N**- I'm so sorry for the wait! I hope I haven't lost all my readers, the holidays just got on top of me. I'm hoping this was at least somewhat enjoyable and it means the world anyone would take the time to read this. So, thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm actually more excited about the next chapter, thats when the you-know-what really starts to hit the fan! xo


	4. Chapter 4

Elena tapped her nails incessantly against the burgundy upholstery covering the armchair she was perched on and crossed her arms. "I don't see why you couldn't just drive me. I mean you own the business and you can't even take the morning off to get me to the airport?"

"No Elena, I can't. Unfortunately, my work hours don't revolve around you and your airport runs" Damon corrected scornfully, not taking his eyes off the newspaper he was scanning. "I'm still not really getting_ why_ you need to fly back for a day anyway."

"Well then it's a good thing that you don't have to worry about the why, isn't it?" Elena enunciated brittlely, her hands ceasing the drumming and instead making tiny tears in the fabric from annoyance. The real reason for her brief day trip back to Chicago being of course that she needed to make sure Stefan was not burning their carefully constructed veneer to the ground in her absence and to make some excuse up to why the sale would be postponed for a few more weeks. Obviously the traditional phone call would be pointless if Stefan was on one of his tears. "I'll be back late tonight and then you have my uninterrupted company until you hold up your side of the deal."

Damon smiled tightly, let it quickly fade away and stated acerbically "The joy i'm feeling is incomparable." He finally lifted his stare from his reading material and ordered "And, don't think about bringing more of your clothes back, that priceless antique wardrobe you're using is on the brink of collapse."

Scowling, Elena arched an eyebrow "I would be careful Damon If I was you. Who's doing who a favor again?". Ignoring Damon's mutinous glare, she looked away and checked her watch, noticing that the time frame for catching her plane was growing ever smaller. Sighing audibly, she inquired reluctantly "So this friend of yours who you roped into driving me, have I met him before? And does he always have such impeccable time keeping?"

"He'll be here, so you can stop your bitching" Damon muttered. "And no, the lucky guy hasn't had the pleasure of making your acquaintance yet, he's only lived here for a few years."

After a few more minutes of awkward silence and some pointed tuts from Elena, the front door swung open and a sandy haired man with an open smile stepped into the foyer. His warm eyes took in the two figures seated and he cringed apologetically "Sorry i'm late, car took a while to get warmed up." Elena and Damon stood when he walked closer and he stuck a hand out in greeting "You must be Elena? I'm Alaric, but you can call me Ric."

"Alaric will do fine" Elena said firmly, taking his hand loosely and then letting go again quickly. She was still disconcerted at Damon's friend's boldness and informality in every move he made. "We're cutting it pretty fine, are you ready to go? The airline recommends being there an hour before boarding."

Taken slightly aback by Elena's hostility, Alaric tried harder to chip at her shell and waved his hand, brushing her worries away "Oh, that's just something they say. We'll be fine, i'm a pretty speedy driver. I'll get you there."

"Wonderful" Elena murmured as she turned away to walk to the stairs. "We'll probably die in a fiery car crash." Calling over her shoulder, she informed "I'll just grab my bag and we can go."

As she walked back out of the bedroom after retrieving her suitcase, she heard her name being spoken in lowered tones and paused at the top of the staircase to see if she could make out what they were saying.

"So thats the infamous bitch of a sister-in-law you're always talking about?" Alaric asked, only the back of his head visible to Elena. "Well she certainly is… something." he finished lamely.

Damon chuckled "We should be honored to be in the presence of the devil herself."

"Ah, she's not so bad." Alaric replied. "You forgot to mention that she's smoking hot."

"Yeah, look and run the risk of getting your head chewed off."

"Oh I don't know," Alaric ruminated thoughtfully. "That whole spitfire act could be a lot of fun."

Elena rolled her eyes, tired of the frankly demeaning conversation and coughed, alerting the two men to her presence, neither of whom bothered looking apologetic as they glanced up at her. "Hate to break up such stimulating conversation, but i'm ready."

"Safe travels" Damon wished, feigning sincerity as they both passed by and walked out onto the circular gravel drive, leaving him behind.

Alaric opened the passenger door of his lovingly worn SUV for Elena and waited for her to get situated before jogging to the other side to slip into the driver's seat and start the engine. The first 15 minutes of the journey he spent chattering aimlessly, not at all repelled by Elena's unwillingness to participate in some form of communication. Eventually his one-way rapid talking started to die down and he switched on the radio, tuning it to a jazz station.

"So, do you work with Damon?" Elena questioned cordially after a while, giving in and putting the poor man out of his misery. It was obvious he wasn't a bad guy and was one of those people who made it his mission to be chummy with everyone he could.

Beaming at her sudden participation, Alaric shook his head "No. I'm just the resident high school history teacher. I think i'd kill Damon if he we had to work in the same vicinity." Taking his eyes off the road for a moment, he glanced at Elena "I love the dude, but he's a bonafide dick sometimes."

Elena failed at repressing a smirk "I can see why you two work as friends, you're both as blunt as each other."

"I'm sorry about what you overheard earlier. I'm sure Damon doesn't really think that about you."

"No, he does." Elena refuted, looking down at her lap and becoming suddenly melancholy. "He's not wrong either."

Alaric pulled up slowly to the curb in front of one of the terminals "Oh, I don't know about that. I have a feeling you could show him a different side of you if you were so inclined." Winking, he indicated with his head "Here we are."

Somewhat blindsided by Alaric's advice, Elena reached behind into the back seat and grabbed her bag. Jumping out of the car, she turned on her heel and bent down "Thanks for the ride. I really do appreciate it."

Lifting one hand from the leather steering wheel, Alaric waved in recognition "No problem. Hope you have a good trip."

Elena shot him a genuine smile and walked quickly towards check-in. It was rare she found someone who was so openly and honestly nice that you couldn't do anything but like them.

Landing sometime in the afternoon after a comparably easy flight, Elena took a cab straight to Stefan's workplace. She crossed her fingers there would be no reason to have to go home and be forced to smell some other girl's perfume that she was sure would be all over her pillow cases.

The lobby of the building was decked in all glass and marble furnishings and Elena had often been intimidated standing here. Always feeling like a child playing at a grownup's game and constantly in fear of being called out as a fraud.

Relying on the fact she wouldn't get caught up having to make small talk or answer any prying questions to where she'd been from any of her equally unpleasant companions, she made a beeline for the man sat at the reception desk.

The clerk was evidently a new hire at the company and he looked at her with no acknowledgment "Can I help you ma'am?"

Elena suddenly felt every one of her 26 years looking at his evident youth and naivety "I just need to see Mr. Salvatore. Is he in from lunch?"

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Excuse me?" Elena asked laconically, feeling the need to take out some of her frustration for his inexperience on him even if it wasn't really his fault that she was annoyed. "No, I don't have a appointment."

The employee must have read something dangerous in her face because he stumbled slightly over his next words "Just one second." He got up from his chair and walked towards an older gentlemen who was grabbing some papers from the copy machine in the corner. "Someone's here to see a, uh, Mr. Salvatore, I think she said? Isn't that the guy that's always dipping his pen in the company ink?". Not being as discreet as he thought he was, his whispered voiced drifted over to where Elena was standing.

The man he was talking to took a quick glance up at her and blanched "Shut up you idiot, that's his wife."

Elena focused on the top of the glass desk and feigned like she hadn't heard any of it, it was easier to pretend than to show her embarrassment that her husband's extramarital affairs were common knowledge now.

"You can go right up Mrs. Salvatore." The receptionist appeared in front of her again, finding it hard to meet her eyes.

Great, false pity from some little boy she'd never met before was the last thing she wanted. "Thank you" Elena reacted sweetly as possible, concealing any signs she had caught what he had said and took the elevator up to the third floor. Without giving Stefan the courtesy of knocking, she walked into his office to find him typing furiously and took the time to observe his drawn appearance and yellowed skin. In a hot second she could tell he was sober but wickedly hungover.

Relieved that his brief sobriety meant he would last a little longer without her around and that he wouldn't be exhibiting his usual deficient behavior, her heart still sunk when she realized it was now going to be harder to persuade him or justify why the sale wouldn't be prompt.

"Darling" Stefan addressed without a hint of irony, getting up to peck her briskly on the cheek and then sitting back down again, fully focused on the laptop screen in front of him. Elena had long ago learnt not to daydream about what could be, what it would feel like to have a husband that wouldn't hesitate to show her any warm affection.

"What are you doing here? Don't tell my you got my brother to cave and sell so quickly."

Bracing herself for a fight, Elena balanced on the edge of his desk "Not yet." She knew that spilling the real reason behind the delay would cause a full scale meltdown due to Stefan's disinclination to do anything to make his brother's life easier. Elena had to dance around a lie."There's a buyer, but it's going to take two weeks for us to finalize everything."

Stefan pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his temples aggressively "Is there any real confirmation? Has he at least signed some papers?"

"He's a sure bet, Stefan. I've got it under control and we'll get the asking price."

Stefan met her stare and considered her carefully, his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek "Fine. But this is on your head, Elena. We're ruined if we don't get this money. No longer than half a month, okay?"

"That's why i'm staying in Virginia the whole time, to make sure it goes to plan."

"And Damon? Did the bastard give you a hard time?"

Elena chose not to announce where she had and would be staying. Stefan may have free reign to do whatever, wherever, but he also had a rotten streak of jealousy when it came to Elena and things he couldn't control. "He was understandably upset at first but he didn't really have a choice to do anything other then accept it, did he? He's not as bad as you make him out to be, Stefan."

"You _know_ I had to grow up in his shadow for most of my life and as soon as he saw me succeeding he couldn't handle it" Stefan argued for the hundredth time in a voice as cold and thin as ice. Not expecting a response from his wife, he continued "Are you going straight back or did you want to catch some dinner or something?"

Elena only had to look at him for a second to see he was singularly offering out of habit and not because he had any real urge to want to spend some time with her. "No, I wanted to catch a early departing flight so I don't arrive back early in the morning."

"I'll call sometime this week then." Stefan carelessly promised, his attention already aimed on something else other than her. As Elena made to leave, he surprised her by latching onto her arm forcibly and pulling her to him. "Make sure you're behaving yourself out there.\" He crushed his lips cruelly against hers and she caught the quick taste of stale of alcohol before he had pulled away again.

Aware that the action was only her husband staking some sort of possessive claim, Elena scrubbed at her lips as soon as she had gotten back into a cab, continuing almost until they were raw. When she arrived at O'Hare International and saw the time, she knew it far too early for her flight, so she ate alone at one of the airport's restaurants, dreading both what she was leaving behind and what she was going towards.

It was almost midnight when she let herself back into the boarding house, most of the space dark and cold. Not particularly surprised to find Damon still awake in the living room with the fire blazing in it's grate, she numbly made her way to the source of warmth, wishing it would penetrate to her bones and make her feel.

Usually being with Stefan didn't affect her, she'd grown too used to his actions by now to let them pierce her armor. But this time had been different. Maybe it was the small amount of time they'd spent apart, meaning his influence was fresh and had a stronger impact. Whatever the reason, Elena felt more destroyed, hopeless and bleak then she had in a long while. "Hi" she greeted and sat down heavily, tucking her feet under her.

"Hallelujah, you made it back." Damon jeered, obviously not in the mood for any pleasantries. "Did I win the lottery and no one told me?"

"Can we not do this tonight?" Elena requested, fully enlightened that he only treated her like she did him. "I'm just going to go to bed. Oh and Stefan went for it, you're in the clear."

Damon apparently was suffering from boredom and wasn't ready for his entertainment to be over. "That's great." He furrowed up his forehead and affected a phony look of confusion "Hey, I was wondering earlier, what happened to your brother again? Does Jeremy even speak to you anymore?"

"He still lives in Denver, he got clean and he's a art teacher now." Elena related tiredly and stood up, not willing to rise to the bait and give him the reaction he wanted. "We haven't really kept in contact, no."

"Eesh" Damon made a pained face that was about as real as Santa. "That's probably a good thing though." At Elena's perplexed expression, he elaborated "I mean, being related to you would probably make even the pope turn back to drugs."

Feeling a white hot rage burn through her with an intensity that she'd never before felt, Elena spun around from her place in the doorway. She wanted to claw at Damon, to make him take a share of the hurt she couldn't carry anymore, she _despised_ him. Before it registered mentally what she was doing, she flew at Damon. "You complete and utter asshole" she screeched.

Quicker than she would have gave him credit for, Damon had her caught by the arms and pushed against a wall before she even knew what her plan would have been. He restricted her hands to between their chests and made sure her legs were immovable "Will you calm the hell down?"

Elena struggled wildly against him, surprised at his raw strength and let frustrated tears leak from the corners of her eyes. "Let go of me" she pleaded, voice rough from her protestations. "It's too tight."

"Are you going to stop acting crazy and trying to attack me?". His blue eyes had turned almost navy, and his body vibrated with a restrained chagrin.

"Yes." Elena felt his grip on her loosen minutely and she was drawn to the way their chests heaved in sync with heavy breaths, her line of sight attracted to how his tongue darted out against his lower lip.

The feeling that rose from years of everything being piled on top of her, that had been set off by Damon's cruel remarks, had to be released in some form otherwise she might just buckle under the weight of it. Working on pure instinct, Elena madly grabbed at Damon, pulling her towards him with one hand on his collar, the other at the hair on the base of his neck and kissed him brutally, biting at his lips.

It wasn't until Damon removed himself by a hairbreadth that Elena even comprehended he had been returning her embrace. "Elena, what- _What are you doing_?"

She couldn't deal with another rejection tonight, if she could only pretend she was desensitized for a little while. "Please" Elena looked at him, trying to follow the way his eyes darted. "What? Don't you want to brag to all your friend's how you defiled the ice queen? Doesn't it turn you on that you can punish the brother you hate by screwing his wife?" She wanted to hurt Stefan, she wanted to hurt herself for being weak enough to have turned out like she had.

Elena would never understand what made him eventually agree, but suddenly he was back against her flesh, his hands ripping the first few buttons of her dress open and his mouth aggressively making its way down her neck to her newly exposed cleavage.

"Christ, Damon" Elena breathed, leaning her head back against the wall behind her. To be wanted for once felt good, even if it was the most basic human instinct and he probably would have had anyone in her place. She reached down, unbuttoning his jeans, trying to forget the last time she did this with him and her fingers had fumbled so much he'd had to help her. Now, she didn't hesitate as she pulled his zipper down and internally rolled her eyes as she found him bare underneath.

"What the fuck am I doing?" Damon finally pulled his lips away from the tops of her breasts and stared into her eyes.

"Does it really matter?" Elena replied, meeting his look unflinchingly. She pushed his jeans down to only his knees and took his growing shaft into her palm. Stroking him a touch harder than he was comfortable with, she pulled his mouth viciously back to hers, attempting to wipe away any trace of Stefan's taste from his earlier kiss.

Damon watched, fascinated, as Elena pushed him away and shimmied her underwear down, stepping out of them leg by leg. "I guess it doesn't." He agreed impassively. Stopping her hand from going back to his now fully erect length, he harnessed one of her legs around his hip and slid a hand under her dress. Sensing the warmth and wetness of her core well before he actually reached it, he considered the fact he'd possibly been dropped into an alternate universe.

"No," Elena yanked his hand away just as one of his fingers began to penetrate her. "No foreplay." She needed this to be as unrefined as possible.

"Whatever you want" Damon conceded, bunching the bottom of her dress up to her waist and holding it there tightly by his grip. He pulled her other leg around his hip and lifted her, making sure she was firmly secured against the wall before taking his cock in hand and finding her entrance, sliding himself in and glad that she was _just_ wet enough to take him.

Elena moaned at the pain that was so fine it was pleasure, feeling the burn and stretch as he slowly moved in and out, letting her have a little more each time. Damon's mouth found hers again, and his tongue slid along her lips and then inside, mirroring the rhythm of how he was thrusting into her. "Harder" Elena got out between gritted teeth, she needed to_ bruise_.

Finally realizing what she was asking for, Damon took both of her wrists into his grip and slammed her hands onto the wall above them so her arms stretched above their bodies. "Is this what you wanted?" He inquired harshly, his pace almost punishing now. "Does it get you off to slum it by fucking me? The _bad_ brother."

Turning her head to look away from his accusing glare, Damon palmed the side of her face with a gentleness that belied the act they were engaging in and forced her to not break eye contact. One single drop of sweat fell from his hairline, joining the sheen on Elena's chest and she felt her hips meeting his without her volition, with a desperation she'd never experienced. "I hate you" she whispered. "Hate you, hate you, hate you." Whether she was repeating that to Damon, Stefan or herself, she never knew. Perhaps it was all three.

"Feeling's mutual, sweetheart" Damon spat after hearing her refrain, groaning into her neck as she clenched wetly around him. When her wedding ring inadvertently cut him, he let his hand fall from it's place above them to her breasts, pulling the bra apart at the front and roughly palming her nipples. Her fingers scrabbled at the wall behind, searching for any purchase. Between pants, he bit out "I _knew_ Stefan and you didn't have the perfect marriage that you rub into everyone's face."

Distracting her from his words, he reached below and as soon as he let his thumb pluck across her clit, Elena came abruptly, her tightening walls making him follow her into the abyss with a shout of completion from him and bit and bleeding lip from her.

With the eruption of everything she had bottled up finally released, the buzzing in her ears diminished and she was violently horrified at what she'd done. Their mixed fluids drying on her thighs a vivid reminder as he pulled out and helped her lower her legs back to the ground. Grabbing her underwear from where she'd tossed it, she pulled them back on and sunk down to the step, trying to settle her breathing and waiting for her muscles to stabalize. She could hear Damon adjusting himself back into his jeans behind her.

"Jesus, who are you?" Damon spoke quietly. "What happened to the girl who wanted to take her college degree and change the world?"

"I don't know" Elena responded honestly, still not turning to look at him again. This wasn't her, someone who participated in destructive bouts of anger, nor was she a person who cheated on her spouse and had hate sex against a wall. She was so beyond screwed up. "I guess she disappeared in Chicago."

Following a brief stint of silence, Elena didn't have to turn around to confirm he'd left her alone. He'd never been good with dealing with the aftermath. And she wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what it had been to him. A revenge fuck, the ultimate middle finger to his brother. Unmoving, she remained sitting in the same place and refused to cry or feel sorry for herself.

Cheap. Cheap and devastated was all she could feel. Cheap that she had sunk to Stefan's level, doing her part to desecrate their marriage. Devastated that for the small gap of time Damon had been inside her it was the most alive she'd felt in years. And she was so, so sick of being numb.

* * *

**A/N-** Eek, I hope I got Elena's reasoning across okay. Obviously what they did wasn't healthy or the start of a romantic relationship. The ramifications of their actions and what it could possibly lead to will be the next things to cover.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, every single reader means the world. THANK YOU.


	5. Chapter 5

"Elena" Damon exhaled, his hand flat against the base of her naked back, the pads of his fingers almost caressing the ridges of her spine. "We keep...What are-"

Faced away from him on the couch, Elena flinched and moved from the tender touch, almost forgetting what one could feel like. "Don't, Damon." She reached down and picked up her dress from where it had been thrown on the floor and pulled it down over her head. Feeling Damon tense against where his outstretched leg touched hers, she looked over her shoulder to see what had affected him.

"Whatever" he snarled, and then his face relaxed and he flexed his toned body, throwing his arms above him and stretching. Unashamed of his nakedness, his eyes flew open again to challenge hers.

"Cover yourself up" Elena demanded, her desire to remove all the evidence of what they'd just finished becoming strong. She rifled into her purse, finding and reapplying her lipstick expertly without a mirror, disguising her sins with a demure pink.

"What's the point?" Damon asked, getting up to leave. "Won't change what we've done."

It had been a week since Elena had taken her epic fall from grace, tumbling from the pedestal that had been a mirage in the first place. After Damon had left her on the living room floor, she'd jerked herself together, went upstairs and stared into the bathroom mirror at someone she didn't recognize. "Never again" she had whispered to herself, making a promise. "Aren't you awful enough without adding this?". But wasn't that always the oath of a two-timing partner? "I promise it was just the once" they would swear, until the next temptation came along.

Elena had gone to Damon again two nights after, not because he was such a undeniable temptation, but because she wanted to see if that biting awareness he had brought out in her from that frantic coupling against the wall had been real or a delusion. Again, he hadn't stopped her advances and she experienced the sensation of waking up from the long sleepwalk of her life for a brief period of time. Elena hadn't stopped chasing the feeling since. One of rage, lust; a indeterminate need to hold onto someone.

Alone in the late hours of sleep deprived nights, when she let herself fully comprehend what she was doing, Elena could feel the tendrils of self-hate and disgust wrap around her bones and muscles, strangling her until she found herself taking in deep gulps of oxygen. The word _affair_ would drift unbidden through her thoughts and the guilt weighed heavy on her heart, oppressive and unmovable. She refused to give herself a reprieve or a get out of jail free card just because Stefan had been the first to start this sick game of an eye for an eye. Yet, the next day would inevitably come and when Damon would flash a intentional look her way she couldn't find it in her to stop.

She never really paused to think about what Damon was getting from the unspoken agreement apart from a warm body but she supposed they were both using each other in one way or another. Not being a stranger to feeling used, she favored it this way, at least she was getting something in return this time.

There were rules that they never verbally uttered. Like the avoidance of the intimacy of either of their bedrooms, when they came together in the ripping of clothes and hot mouths, it was consistently on mutual ground. And it was always unpolished, hectic and raw. They never discussed what they were doing outside of the act, their hostile relationship hadn't changed in any other way. Both of them still ony related with a mix of either spiteful comments or downright ignoring the other's existence.

And now Damon had just tried to obliterate the unwritten guidelines in one fell swoop with a gentle hand on her back and an attempt to speak about and acknowledge the transgressions they repeatedly committed. If there was thing that would shatter Elena, it would be him showing her kindness.

"See you later" Damon broke Elena out of her pensiveness with a gruff yell and the slamming of the front door. Hopefully, if she was lucky, he would already be regretting his endeavor of compassion.

Glaring at the ticking of the clock like it had been deliberately singling her out to annoy, she took a quick survey of the now empty house. Up until now she'd spent her free time window-shopping at the very limited selections of stores in town and arranging the details of some social events back in Chicago as well as she was able to from a different state. Literally left without a thing to occupy her now, she scrolled through the contacts on her phone and let her thumb hover over one of the names.

Before she could second guess it, she hit dial and waited for the line to be answered.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey Bonnie" Elena coughed uncomfortably and added unnecessarily "It's me, Elena?"

"_Oh wow,_" Bonnie responded, the shock apparent in her voice at the unexpected phone call. "_Hi, what's up?_"

Elena fidgeted on her chair, wondering if a temporary relief from her boredom would be worth the awkwardness. "It's stupid really, but you said if I had the time you'd like to catch up and I wondered if you wanted to grab a coffee or something? I'm sure you have work-"

Interrupting, Bonnie spoke "_No, no it's fine. I can fit it in. The Grill in thirty minutes?_"

"Great, i'll see you there." Elena vaguely smiled at the mention of their preferred high-school hangout and grabbed her purse, pushed her sunglasses on and walked out of the door.

She was five minutes early when she arrived at Mystic Fall's most popular (read: the only one that sold edible food) restaurant, but her childhood friend was already seated, perusing a menu that Elena was sure she knew by heart.

"Hey, thank you for meeting me." Elena quietly slipped into the chair opposite Bonnie, nervous at the familiar searching, inquisitive look in the hazel eyes of her acquaintance.

"No, i'm actually glad you called." Bonnie revealed, putting the menu down and picking up a ketchup bottle to twirl between her palms. "I didn't think you'd still be in Virginia."

Smoothing her hand along the creases on her napkin, Elena shook her head "I wasn't supposed to be, but there was some complications." She hesitated remembering that Bonnie had no idea why she was back in the first place."

"Complications with what?" Bonnie inquired, leaning forward a little on her elbows.

Elena had forgotten how blunt her friend could be. "We're actually selling the boarding house" she confessed, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible and hoping it came off like it had been a collective decision between all the parties involved. "Really it's just an exchange of the deed from Stefan to Damon" she downplayed, trusting that would be enough for Bonnie to change the subject.

Luckily, as a silence fell, the server came to take their orders before it could become too heavy. At Bonnie's raised eyebrows towards her complicated request of a garden salad with the dressing on the side, Elena flushed and in a fit of rebellion changed her order to the local delicacy of chili in a bread bowl.

"So" Elena started, shaking some salt over her meal when their food arrived. "You said that you visit Caroline in New York sometimes? What does she do?"

"She works for a fashion designer. I think she's really getting her foot in the door." Bonnie praised, focusing on cutting her hamburger into bite size pieces. She paused "Actually, she's married now."

Elena's head flew up. "Married?" She asked, shocked. She'd had no idea, but then again why would she? "Anyone I know?"

"Matt Donovan." Bonnie smirked, waiting for the reaction.

Eyes widening, Elena indulged in a genuine smile crossing her face "_No way_." Matt had always had a thing for Caroline, even through the period when Tyler Lockwood, his best friend, had dated her. "I'm glad he got the girl."

"I guess Care was just ready to settle down." Bonnie glanced up quickly "She's not the only one who married their high school sweetheart though. What about you and Stefan? Still the couple everyone wants to be?"

Inwardly cringing at the reference to the time when Stefan and her had been the town's golden girl and boy, Elena smiled in a practiced way and rolled her eyes in feigned modesty "Well you know marriages are always going to be hard sometimes, but I think we're in it for the long haul." The words sounded bitter in her mouth and she wondered how she had the gall to speak them.

Bonnie looked at Elena like she could see through every one of the lies dripping out of her mouth. "That's really good to hear." Bonnie shook her head, suddenly smiling grimly. "Stefan was always…perfect in every way."

Elena was surprised to hear the note of animosity in Bonnie's words. When she'd first started dating Stefan, Bonnie had been supportive but almost detached. Only once, in a half-forgotten drunken night before they left for college, had Bonnie ever voiced any concerns. She'd asked Elena if she felt like she was settling, if Stefan made her happy. Refusing to let her picture perfect relationship be tainted by such questions, Elena had only responded with a _of course_ and a glare.

After a beat of silence and the sound of the chewing of food, Bonnie ran her tongue along her top teeth and asked softly "Elena? Are you, I don't know, okay? You just seem…kinda empty,". Gesturing a hand over her face, she clarified "behind the eyes."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bon. I'm fine" Elena replied automatically, used to having to assure people that she was _perfectly okay, thank you very much_. As the words she'd spoken registered, Elena realized she'd employed a long discarded nickname of her friend and a wave of nostalgia poured over her. Uncomfortable at the feelings that brought up, Elena bit her nails into her palm and searched for a topic that would take the heat off of her. "What about you? Any husbands I should know about?".

Bonnie paused to take the bill from the server and waved Elena's offered credit card away. "Nope. No one serious, just dating and having fun."

Elena managed a small smile that at least some things didn't change. Bonnie had never been one to settle down with only one guy. It wasn't that she was flighty, it was just no man ever really measured up enough to keep. Maybe Bonnie had had the right idea all along. What would have happened if she hadn't been so determined to be with Stefan? In her youth she had put her trust completely in a simple love, but if she'd waited, would Stefan had revealed himself before she'd gotten in too deep? She shook the musings from her head. It was too late to think about that now.

Looking up from signing the receipt, Bonnie looked at Elena teasingly "What's it like having to stay with Damon? He was always a good looking son of a bitch with a healthy does of jackassery on the side." Bonnie looked contemplative for a second "But I suppose you're used to that with him being your brother-in-law."

"It's fine" Elena panicked and looked down towards the napkin on her lap, sure the shame of the truth was shining out of her eyes. "We keep out of each other's way. Are you close with him?"

Sticking out her tongue in disgust, Bonnie cringed "Ugh no, I rarely see him around. All my memories of Damon are from when we were in high school and he had such a thing for you. He thought no one could figure him out but he was about subtle as a hammer."

Suddenly recalling when Damon had disclosed something similar on the eve of her wedding, Elena blinked in surprise that Bonnie knew. "I had no clue back then."

Bonnie shrugged "We didn't really talk about it because everyone was so convinced you were going to end up with Stefan. Caroline swore me to secrecy." Using finger quotations, Bonnie repeated "In case it swayed you to 'go down a bad path."

'Oh" Elena mouthed, unsure on how to answer. It was irrelevant information really. Curious, she inquired "What happened when Damon came back from college?"

"He was a little persona non grata at first, right after you two left and he had dropped out. You know what the town's like with anyone who steps out of the mold." Bonnie sighed, looking back into the past "And then he worked so hard building his business and was so devoted to Violetta when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's that I guess everyone had to grudgingly respect him eventually."

Flinching at the mention of her mother-in-law, Elena could feel the guilt rushing in "Poor 'Letta. Remember when she would give all the kids those grape freeze pops when they visited? I think she just gave up when Giuseppe died."

"Yeah, his death hit the boys pretty hard too didn't it?"

Elena recalled when the phone call had come to inform the residents of the town that the oldest Salvatore had passed. Happening way before her own parents had died, she was unable to comprehend the pain of losing a family member back then. She'd only been a close friend to the Salvatore brothers at the time, and would never forget seeing their faces at his funeral. One of the very few, if not the only time, she'd seen tears in Damon's eyes.

"Yeah, it did. Especially Damon, rocked his whole foundation" Elena evoked some long forgotten memories. Shaking her head, she noted "Wow, that got depressing fast. When do you have to be back anyway?"

"Crap, I didn't realize it was that late" Bonnie did a double take when she checked the time. "I have to go, but i'd like to do this again before you have to leave, if you can?"

"Sure" Elena promised, uncertain if she would actually make good on that claim. They stood up in tandem and when Bonnie reached across and embraced her in a loose hug, Elena felt a sudden bolt of regret. "Bonnie? I'm sorry it's been so long. I know it's mostly my fault, but I _am _sorry we fell out of each other's lives."

With her usual brand of forgiveness, Bonnie shrugged good-naturedly "We'll just have to make up for lost time." Sharing one last smile, she left, weaving throughout the tables.

As soon as Elena had stepped out the door and back onto the street, she heard her name being called behind her. "Alaric?" she turned and spotted the _almost _too friendly man who had driven her to the airport, waving eagerly.

"Hey" he jogged across the path to greet her. "Thought that was you. Glad to see you made it back to Virginia in one piece."

Elena laughed, feeling strangely at ease. He reminded her so much of Jeremy. "That I did"

"Have you seen Damon? I've been looking for him all day."

Shit, if Damon hadn't cooled down after storming away this morning and Alaric happened to come across him, Elena didn't want to think about what he might accidentally let out of the bag. She could already imagine the way Alaric would look at her if her found out about her indiscretions "I think he's pretty caught up in some business stuff" she bluffed. "But why don't you come over sometime this week for dinner when he's less swamped, i'll cook?"

"Sure" Alaric agreed, nodding happily. "Only if you give in and call me Ric though."

"Ric it is" Elena grinned, breathing a sigh of relief that she had managed to distract him and hopefully delay his reunion with his best friend until Damon had let go of the anger from today. Quickly bidding her goodbyes, she couldn't help but think that at least with Bonnie and Alaric in town, Mystic Falls was half-way bearable at times.

After she got back, Elena wasn't surprised when Damon didn't turn up for the rest of the evening. It's not like they owed it to the other to tell them their whereabouts. In a bizarre attack of conscience, she got out the ingredients to start on dinner, deciding they'd lived on take-out for long enough. God knew what Damon ate when he was left to his own devices.

The straws of pasta had just been deposited into the boiling waiter when the sounds of movement echoed from the entrance. "I hope you like spaghetti." Elena announced to behind her, concentrating on bringing the heat to a low simmer. A discordant female giggle caused her to spin around and become witness to Damon perched on the edge of the kitchen table, his arms draped around a honey blonde.

Before she could fully look at his guest, Elena wondered why she hadn't been expecting this. Of course Damon would bring a girl back to make it glaringly obvious where they both stood. She refused to feel any jealousy, she had no right or earthly reason to. However, she felt as dirty as she ever had since they started this momentous mistake._ God_, what was wrong with her?

"I like spaghetti" the girl informed perkily, finally turning around to talk to Elena.

Feeling like she had been slapped in the face when she saw who Damon had brought back, Elena took a involuntary step back. "Oh my God" she uttered, bringing a hand to her mouth and dropping the ladle she was holding. She barely had time to catalogue the marinara sauce splattering the floor with red before she had elbowed past the couple and raced upstairs.

"Elena?" Damon shouted after her, confused. "_Elena!_"

Slamming into her temporary bedroom, she took a group of shallow breaths and fisted her hands into her hair. Jesus, _still_ after all this time it was like it had happened yesterday. And what were the chances that it had to be _her_ Damon had brought into the safety of the kitchen?

"What the fuck was that?" Damon came rushing in behind, not even giving her a minute to gather her thoughts together. "Why did my date just hightail it out of here?"

"Andi Starr, right?" she grimaced, pacing the floorboards next to the bed.

Damon tried to grab her arm as she passed, spinning her around to face him "Yeah, so?"

"Nothing. It's nothing. Please leave, just leave."

Ignoring her, Damon continued "Obviously it's not nothing. Is this a jealously thing? Because i'm sorry but you-"

Wrenching herself out of his grip, she shakily lowered herself down onto the the mattress, trying to keep silent.

"Seriously, what the hell just happened? I'm feeling a little lost here."

Like her mouth was spilling words without her permission, Elena spoke mechanically "She was the first girl I caught Stefan cheating on me with. The cute, upstart, local news anchor. Who could blame him, huh?" She smiled coldly. "Don't get me wrong, this was a long time ago and there have been a fair few after her. But you know what they say, you always remember your first. Somehow I don't think they were talking about the first _other_ woman you find your husband fucking."

Damon's eyes widened "He did what? I-"

She didn't give any space for Damon to digest her explanation before continuing "I was pregnant at the time. After finding them in our bed one afternoon, I miscarried a few hours later."

Stunned into silence, Damon lowered himself down to sit next to her.

"I mean, medically I know it probably wasn't even caused by that. It was probably a coincidence or most likely there was some default with me." Elena stared straight ahead, trying not to remember the color of the blood that she had found smeared between her thighs. The recollection of the first time her marriage had began it's descent downhill becoming clearer as she pulled at repressed memories. "But I couldn't help but blame him for it. Weirdly enough, it was _him_ who I don't think ever forgave me for losing our child."

"I'm sorry." Damon breathed out, immobile and in disbelief. "_Jesus_, Elena."

Elena shook her head, emotionless "Not your fault." She ran a hand over her face "I shouldn't have reacted like that downstairs, it should've been in the past. I just wasn't expecting to ever see her again."

"I knew she was from Chicago, but I didn't even consider there would be a link."

"Why would you have?" Elena smiled at him softly. "Just another one of life's crazy jokes."

Damon reached towards her, swiping a thumb over her cheek and Elena realized with a jolt he was brushing away tears. She hadn't even felt them escaping.

"When's the last time you cried?" Damon asked, his stare searching her in a way she'd never seen before.

"I don't remember" Elena answered honestly. She ran her finger under her eyelashes, starting to laugh even as she cried harder "Isn't that funny?"

"It's not funny at all" Damon screwed his forehead up, and brought his hands down to her shoulders.

As the shock of what had just occurred started to wane, the nausea began to rise in Elena. Christ, in her distress, she'd stupidly and inadvertently poured out one of the darkest parts of her that she'd kept hidden. After she had lost the baby, she'd banned herself from thinking about the tragedy, refusing to go even to a therapist. And now _Damon _knew, possibly the last person on the planet she'd ever see herself choosing to confide in.

"I'm sorry" Elena apologized, composing herself and forcing a smile. "You don't need to deal with this shit. This is definitely not what our relationship is."

Bristling, Damon rubbed a hand over his mouth and he ground out angrily "It's not like our relationship comes with small print on what it does and doesn't include,_ Elena_." He was quiet for a moment "Whatever this messed up thing is between us? It's not just about fucking Stefan over for me, okay? You need to know that."

Choosing not to delve further into what that could mean, or how it made her feel, Elena shrugged and looked away.

"You have to let it out sometime, to someone, right?" Damon persisted, seeing if he could keep the conversation going. "Might as well be me."

Oh, if Damon only knew how the miscarriage was the tip of the iceberg. But, already berating herself for letting that piece of information slip, Elena clammed up. He already understood far too much about her from a moment of weakness. God, why was she so _weak_? What good had it done to tell him something that should have been kept buried. Now he would feel like he had to pity her and treat her with kid gloves. Probably taking away with him the only real thing she'd felt in a long time.

Damon shook his head, still trying to wrap his head around everything he had learned "Stefan cheats on you? God, I really don't know my brother anymore. I should have-". He trailed off and gestured towards her "No wonder you're so.."

Elena smirked, trying to cover the hurt "Fucked up? Go on, you can say it."

"No. _No_. I was going to say reserved." He let the the corner of his mouth curl a little "Besides, aren't we _all_ a little fucked up anyway?"

Elena was pretty sure she could give a lot of people a run for their money in that department. "Well, whatever the case may be, he _used_ to cheat on me, past tense. It took a while but we worked through it." Elena spoke clearly and calmly, lying through her teeth with practiced ease. "Obviously, our marriage isn't the best" she raised her eyebrows with a hint of ironic humor in her tone referencing the activities she'd been participating in with Damon. "But it's only a rough patch. We'll get through it."

"Yeah, sure. A rough patch." Damon repeated cynically. "A hell of a one at that." Grasping that Elena had closed off the lines of communication and he'd be lucky to ever get through to her like that again, he stood up and made to walk away. Pausing under the door frame, he spoke without looking at her. "I really do hope everything turns out okay for you."

Elena listened to his heavy steps fading away and took a deep inhale. One week left.

* * *

**A/N**- Finally, a breakthrough for Elena! Once again, can't thank you all enough for taking the time to read this. xo


	6. Chapter 6

"Did you get any sleep at all?"

Elena, who had been sitting on one of chairs in the dining room, knees drawn up to her chest and staring out of the bay window, jumped at the unexpected noise. She blankly turned towards the door and lifted her shoulders imperceptibly "A little, maybe."

Shooting her a skeptical look, Damon arched an eyebrow. The first rays of the sunrise were breaking through the glass and it was obvious the curtains hadn't been drawn all night. The image of her dwarfed by the huge wooden table and looking out into the yawning darkness for hours on end disturbed something deep behind his ribcage. He was even further alarmed that she'd yet to make a sardonic comment about his early morning interruption.

"No, I didn't. Not really." She sighed, relenting in response to his expression. "It happens to me sometimes, when there's a lot of thoughts buzzing around and you just want the time to get them in a row."

Elena's pajama top had ridden up on her back to show a sliver of dusky skin and Damon had to bite his tongue on making an observation about how he somehow found the combination of a well-worn tank top and gym shorts far more arousing on her than the little provocative number he'd caught her in that very first morning. Being effortlessly beautiful was never going to be one of her many problems.

Looking back, Damon would realize this was when the tide started to change. The moment, when instead of witnessing an unreachable _Elena Salvatore, _he looked straight through to a very browbeaten, disheartened _Elena Gilbert_. This was a woman who didn't need to be fixed or scorned, but a woman that desperately needed someone to_ really_ see her.

"Bzzzz" Damon made the sound of a game show buzzer out of the side of his mouth. "I'm sorry, you've reached your daily limit for moping and feeling sorry for yourself." He smirked and scratched lazily at his chest "Go get dressed, you're coming with me on some errands."

"I'm really not in the mood today, Damon." Elena turned back around to continue her vacant gaze out of the window.

"Again, _wrong answer." _Damon strode over to where she was sitting, hooked his arms under her tiny frame and lifted her up to her feet. "You have twenty minutes to get ready."

Wiggling out of his arms and wiping at where his fingers had grazed her skin, Elena wrinkled her nose up and huffed. "What are you not comprehending about the word no? Last time I checked you spoke the English language. Granted, your understanding is at about a fifth grade level but.."

Damon took a deep breath in through his mouth, closed his eyes and slowly let the air back out through his nostrils. She was sure making this harder then it needed to be. Knowing if he left her alone this morning, she'd fall even further into the pit of despair she kept digging for herself, he took another approach and reasoned through gritted teeth "What else are you going to do all day? There's only so much walking in circles around this house you can do." He ducked to her height to make sure her attention was focused on him and to look her dead straight in the eyes "I pinky swear we don't have to discuss anything that happened last night. My lips are sealed, topic is officially off limits."

"You want to spend the day with me?" Elena questioned doubtfully, eyebrows raised to the sky. "Why?".

"I didn't ask for your hand in marriage, Elena." He quipped, understanding full well why she was confused about his offer. As far as Elena knew they were just fuck buddies served with a healthy side-dish of hating each other. "I'm not trying to trick you."

Hugging her arms tighter around her body, Elena slowly nodded and let her hair fall forward over her shoulders. "Fine, okay. I guess I can tag along."

Damon reached over and lightly tapped her ass, causing her to bounce a step away "C'mon, we don't have all day."

Letting a trill of laughter escape from her lips, Elena clapped a hand over mouth at the sound. She looked so absolutely shocked, that if Damon hadn't known better, he'd have thought she'd never heard the noise come from her before. Obviously trying to do some damage control, in case, God forbid, he might actually get the impression that he'd amused her, she narrowed her eyes at him and flounced away upstairs.

Thirty minutes later and quite a ways away from Mystic Falls, Elena stood shoulder to shoulder with Damon staring incredulously at the sign hanging on the building he had just parked them in front of. "Tell me that doesn't say paintballing. You did not bring me paintballing." She shook her head, this was insane, even for Salvatore standards. "Nope, no, not happening. See you later."

Damon grinned and caught the crook of her elbow as she turned to leave and get back into the car "What, scared you might lose? I would be too if I wasn't on my team."

"No, Damon. What i'm scared of is the 600 dollar dress i'm wearing getting ruined. I don't really feel like getting pelted with painful, flying missiles of paint if it's all the same to you."

"Have it your way." Damon shrugged good-naturedly and walked towards the glass entrance. "You can sit in the car and wait because i'm going in."

Elena opened the car door and hesitated, looking back over her shoulder. God damn him, she really didn't feel like sitting in a hot car while he got to act like a teenager for a couple of hours. Closing the door again with a slam, she half-ran to catch up with his wide strides. "I cannot _believe_ i'm giving in to you. I'm a grown woman, how do you always get me into these situations?"

"Oh, live a little _Elena_." Damon instructed, holding the door open for her to walk through and hiding a smile when her complaints dwindled to inaudible grumbling.

After the employees had equipped both of them with camouflage and equipment, Elena started to feel the first snippet of excitement rise in her. She could do this; in high-school she was always known as the competitive one when it counted. Snapping the plastic goggles down from her head onto her eyes, she smirked. Damon Salvatore was going down.

"Ready?" Damon asked, looking more than pleased that Elena was getting into the sprit of things. He had smeared two black lines of grease paint under each eye and was apparently not going to be taking any prisoners.

"Ready." Elena confirmed, hitching her gun under her arm and darting away through the trees before he could think to follow her. She dropped down behind a rusted barrel and strained her ears for any indication of where he had disappeared to.

Although it was the weekend, they had the whole designated field to themselves and Elena had the advantage of being a damn sight lighter on her feet then Damon and the ability to keep perfectly still. Hearing the distinctive crunch of his boots on the undergrowth, she hopped up and took aim at her enemy's back. Gleefully clapping when her missile hit it's target; she laughed uproariously when Damon spun around in surprise, a bright pink splotch smack dab in the middle of his vest.

She furrowed her eyebrows, something wasn't right. There was no way Damon would have let her get in the first hit if he hadn't had wanted her to, his competitive streak was a mile longer than hers at the best of times. Suddenly it hit her.

"I know you're being nice and letting me get some shots in Damon." Elena called out into the vicinity of where she suspected him to be hiding. "How about you quit being a little bitch and play me for real." She sniggered imaging the face he would be pulling right about now.

Having just a split second to duck as a yellow ball of paint hurtled her way, she fell back down behind the barricade and smiled. Now it would be a fair contest.

Game on.

They played relentlessly for the next two hours, one getting a few points lead before the other would catch up and they would start all over again. Neither was prepared to lose.

Elena, breathing heavily and almost unrecognizable while being covered head to toe in paint, peered her head cautiously around the side of the tree trunk she was leaning against.

"Damon?" she called out warily.

"What?"

"I ache all over" she admitted grudgingly, rubbing at the bruises she could already feel forming.

There was a beat of silence. Then "Me too."

Elena risked moving further out from under her cover "Why don't you forfeit?"

'Why don't _you_ forfeit?"

Rolling her eyes, Elena suggested "Tie?"

Damon moved out into the open, hands held up in supplication of surrender "Fine, works for me."

They suspiciously moved towards each other, dropping the paint guns onto the floor when they were close enough to speak at a normal volume.

"Good game." Damon praised, only a tinge of sarcasm in his tone. "Looks like we have a regular Rambo on our hands."

"You weren't too shabby either" Elena conceded reluctantly as they walked out of their battle zone and back into reality. She settled for a friendly elbow in his ribs as a show of acceptance that he'd been right to bring her.

They split up to get back into their own clothes and after they reunited Elena was disconcerted when Damon took one look at her and started laughing so hard he had to bend and rest his hands on his knees. "What?" she asked, looking around for the source of his amusement.

He threw his head back once more. "Come here" he beckoned, waiting until she stood about an inch away from him. Licking his two index fingers he wiped around her eyes and the sides of her face. "You had tie-dye splats of paint in the shape of your googles" he explained, smirking. "All gone now."

Abruptly the exchange of heat between their two adjacent bodies rose to an unbearable level. Elena was spooked by the sudden change of events. She'd always found it easier to get through life by putting people in clearly labelled boxes. Damon's had been marked "Jackass that I sometimes work out my frustration issues with in less than healthy ways." But last night and today, he'd stepped out of his container into unknown territory that she couldn't classify so easily. Paintballing, although the last thing she would have had chosen to do, turned out to be invigorating and a good outlet of some rage that she'd been holding. She'd had fun with him, and not the horizontal kind of fun they had been engaging in, real fun. It was almost like he knew more about what she needed than she herself did. And that made Elena very uneasy.

Taking a large step backwards, Elena smiled tightly "Thanks. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure." Damon replied, looking at her retreating back and wondering what he did to cause the return of her brusque attitude.

With an awkward tension in the air between them as Damon drove away from the curb, Elena fidgeted agaisnt her seatbelt and focused furiously on the passing scenery. "Was that the only "errand" you needed to go on?" she inquired, her mind not made up on if she wanted to go back yet or not.

"I was going to suggest lunch." Damon informed, his elbow resting on the windowsill, his other hand on the steering wheel. "But if you'd rather go home.."

Not wanting to seem completely ungrateful or to make the situation even more uncomfortable, Elena nodded "No, that sounds great." _Shit_, she thought, they weren't exactly the two types of people that should be grabbing a leisurely meal together.

Stopping in front of a few wooden picnic tables with a food vendor set up on the side of the park, Elena got out of the car without saying a word. She trusted now that complaining would get her nowhere with her brother-in-law. Damon left her to find them a table and after sitting and staring at the breeze ruffling the branches above, she finally caught sight of him returning with a tray resting on his arms, brimming with every junk food known to man.

"Take your pick" he advised, doing his best Vanna White impersonation with the myriad of unhealthy options he had brought.

Elena settled on the least offensive thing she could see and with her fingertips picked up a corn-dog covered in ketchup and mustard. "Thanks" she muttered, gingerly taking a bite out of the end.

Before she even realized what was happening, Damon had her distracted with asinine conversation, making sure to pose questions in a way she had to answer and when she eventually had the chance to look down she realized with a jolt she had made her fair share of a dent in the food that had been set in front of them. Who knew potato chips tasted so good? Elena couldn't really remember right now why she'd given them up in the first place.

Yet again, Elena found herself having a involuntarily good time, but she didn't react as violently before. It was like easing yourself into hot bathwater and having to get used to the temperature. She laughed at the thought of her friends from Chicago seeing her now, dressed in designer labels covered with paint and finger deep in the greasiest junk food she'd ever seen.

"Damon?" Elena unexpectedly interrupted the story he was telling. "Thank you. You know, for today? I think I needed it."

Damon looked stunned for a few seconds before his face fell into a pleased expression. "It was nothing, not a big deal."

But to Elena it had been a big deal, that someone had cared enough to make that small amount of effort.

"I'm not sure if I should even ask this." Damon continued, sounding suddenly indecisive. "I was going to drop you off and then make a visit to see mom. But would you… I mean do you want to come with me?"

Elena froze, she'd never forgave herself that she hadn't made sure Stefan was helping with Violetta, especially after the diagnosis. To be face to face with that regret and maybe even seeing accusation in her mother-in-law's eyes terrified Elena to her core. But Damon had been doing all this by himself, the least she could do was go with him the one time he'd asked.

"Of course I will. I'd like that."

Damon entered first into his mother's room at the nursing home, leaving Elena to tentatively trail in behind him. Taking in the small, brightly lit area, she could tell instantly that it was Violetta Salvatore's. Even in a confined space it was full of her flavor and tastes, ornaments that Elena recognized from her childhood trips to the boarding house adorning the shelves.

Violetta herself was asleep in bed, her frail body swamped with layers of sheets. Forcing herself to not look away, Elena absorbed the wan, lined face of the once nobel woman who'd always been kind but intimidating. She watched as Damon walked over, bent down to place a kiss on his mother's forehead and whisper a hello. This glimpse of another part of his personality made it even harder to think as badly of him as she had been doing.

"Should we go?" she asked softly, terrified of waking Violetta up.

Indicating the two chairs on the opposite sides of the bed, Damon shook his head and sat down on one of them. "Nah, she's asleep a lot of the times I come. I like to think she knows i'm here though, you know? We can just stay a little bit."

Uncertain on how to deal with that particular piece of information, Elena averted her eyes and sat down on the remaining chair. As the minutes ticked by, she felt the nauseous tide of realization flow through her and she steadily became more uncomfortable.

"What's the matter with you?" Damon questioned after he noticed her paling face. He leant back and crossed his legs.

"I just never thought about it before" Elena choked out, tears threatening at the corners of her eyes. "Here you were struggling to take care of her, and me and Stefan did nothing to help. We were worrying about the best parties to go to and you were worrying about how to pay her medical bills. What kind of person does that make me?"

Damon sighed and ran his hands languidly over his face. "Look Elena, I don't blame you for that. When Stefan married you and started his career, I told him i'd drop out of college and take care of mom myself. I insisted that he concentrate on his life. With dad gone it was my job to take up the slack, I wanted Stefan to have the life he deserved. That wouldn't be possible if he was worrying about everything back here."

"Okay, but what about after Stefan got everything he wanted, surely you would have accepted the help then?"

"I'm not going to lie, Elena." Damon smiled tiredly. "When Stefan finally climbed to the top of that ladder, I was hoping he would come back sometimes, even just to visit. But I didn't want to have to ask him, I wanted him to want to of his own accord." He looked up at her "And that doesn't reflect on you, it reflects on your husband, you can't take the blame for everyone's problems, Elena."

Still bitterly ashamed of everything she had been choosing to ignore, Elena puled her hair up into a ponytail and then let it out again to give her hands something to do. "I'm so sorry you had to give up on college, on your life. That was an amazing thing you did for your brother, Damon. I wish I was that brave."

Damon became motionless and a strange expression crossed over his face "I like the way my life has turned out." He leant forward, his forearms resting on his knees "Do you like the way yours has?"

Panicking, Elena suddenly felt very claustrophobic, the day's events flashing in front of her. What was Damon's angle? She hated that she couldn't work him out. On the edge of losing it, she asked "What are we doing here, Damon? Are you sleeping with me to get one over on your brother? I mean you said you weren't but why else…" Elena trailed off because she couldn't think of a single other reason.

"You confuse me" Damon responded uncertainly, his brow furrowed and looking like he had no idea of the answer himself.

Violetta stirred, bringing Elena bracingly back to the present. "I'm sorry, I have to go" she forced the words out past her tight throat and grabbed her leather purse, racing out the door before Damon could catch her.

Recognizing that she had no way home now, Elena pounded down one sidewalk, then another, taking random rights and lefts until she could no longer trace her way back. Her feet screaming at her to stop, she paused in front of a brightly neon lit bar and eyed the swinging door. By going in there she was making a choice to break the last promise to herself, she had sworn off alcohol because she saw it as one of the few differences between her and Stefan. But what the hell did that matter now? She pushed through the door and relished being temporarily blinded by the lights inside.

Fast forward two hours and Elena was blissfully numb in every way that mattered, courtesy of a toxic blend of hard liquors. She had taken her first shot in years because of how hard it hit her that today really meant something. And why did it? It shouldn't have been such a momentous occasion that her husband's brother had taken her out for paintballing and a meal, it was a pedestrian thing to do. But it _had_ mattered to her because her life was so awful that she would desperately cling to any scrap of kindness Damon would offer her.

Elena had never felt more pathetic.

The next shot was inhaled because the fear was starting to overtake her. Fear that her time in Mystic Falls was beginning to feel normal. That they were all acting like Chicago didn't exist and she wouldn't have to go back in a week's time.

The rest of the alcohol that was steadily imbibed was because of the biggest reason of all, she'd had technicolor preview of what life could be like if she was happy. Everything she had lost with Stefan, screaming at her from _every_ corner of _every_ room she would _ever_ step in and she had that to live with it forever.

Trying to stave off the inevitable panic attack, Elena kept the drinks coming. If alcohol as a coping mechanism was good enough for her father and Stefan, then it was good enough for her.

Dancing unabashedly between two frat boys, she could feel their hands making their way across her body, claiming what wasn't theres. Still, she shoved the disgust somewhere else, it was all she was good for anyway. Wasn't this what she was doing with Damon? What did it matter _who _it was that used her now?

"Where the _fuck _have you been?" A deep masculine voice exclaimed, and following after it, through the heaving crowd, came Damon with his eyes flashing in a barely suppressed rage. "I have been searching up and down this godforsaken, armpit of a town. What were you _thinking_? Anything could have happened to you!"

Elena looked around to find her new friends had been scared off with the appearance of the older Salvatore. She pouted, trying to lose him again "Go home, Damon. I'm not a child."

"Yeah, because you're really acting like an adult right now." He yanked her back around by her arm to face him and peered into her bloodshot eyes. "Are you _drunk_?"

"Yeah, so?"

Damon scoffed, his features illuminated beautifully by the flashing strobe lights "Where did your new buddies go, Elena? Taking it where you can get it now huh?"

Leaning in close to his face, Elena viciously spat out "Why, you jealous?"

Damon didn't answer immediately, his eyes searching hers before growling "_Crazy_ jealous."

Stunned and trying to work out if he was being serious, Elena was distracted just enough for Damon to lead her out of the bar and along the sidewalk back to his parked car. She sighed, letting him help her into the vinyl seat without a fight. Her brief vacation from her existence had to end sometime. Or did it? Elena let an idea form and build all the way home.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that tonight" Elena apologized once they were back at the boarding house and standing at the foot of the stairs, trying to look like she was sober enough to be okay. "Do you mind if I just sleep it off before we discuss anything?"

Damon's stare softened and he looked momentarily surprised that she wasn't fighting back "Sure, we'll talk tomorrow."

Elena walked halfway up the stairs, peeked over the banister until she was sure he had dissapeared into the living room and then crept back down. She grabbed a bottle of his cheapest scotch from the parlor, ran back up to her bedroom, sure to grab her purse on the way, and locked herself in the bathroom.

She sat with her back against the tub, drinking from the stolen bottle and crying for at least an hour before she got the courage to rifle to the bottom of her bag for what she was looking for. Her hand clasped around the cool, plastic bottle and she brought the object out, balancing it on the rim of the bath and looking at it like it was her last mountain to climb and conquer.

She could already imagine the twelve pink pills crystal clear in her mind without checking the contents of the bottle, but she dumped them out into her waiting hand anyway. Rolling them around her palm like always, she accepted this time was going to end differently one way or another.

Could she really take her life? Be that selfish? She took another long swig from the bottle, the burn of the liquid almost coming out of her nose and mixing with the tears. What could she possibly have to live for?

Aimlessly, her earlier conversation with Damon drifted blearily through her mind. She'd admired his bravery and wished fervently she had an ounce of the strength he did. Jesus, if he could get through everything he had, then who was she to give up? To give up on a healthy life so many would want?

Palm flat, she tilted her hand and let the pills fall into the toilet below, instantly flushing the capsules she had carried around for years. She couldn't give up now, she'd made her bed, now she would lie in it. She would go back to Stefan, but something would have to give. Adrenaline gone now, Elena watched the scotch bottle gently drop from her hand, and she slumped back against the cold, white porcelain of the bath, trying not to pass out.

One thump on the pine bathroom door startled her out of her thoughts, and she moved her head to the side trying to work out what the sound was.

"Elena, are you alright in there? I saw the light on."

Of course. Damon.

"I'm fine" she responded, attempting not to slur.

"Well, can you open the door for a second please?"

Elena tried to stand but promptly fell back down, her eyes drifting close of their own accord. "I'll see you in the morning, Damon."

"Open the door, Elena. Now."

She tried to make a coherent response but it came out as a garble.

"If you don't have this door open in 10 seconds, i'm coming in."

Elena laughed, not sure if she was making an actual noise or not. She wanted to wish him good luck, she'd locked the door.

In a cacophonous blur of noises, true to his word, ten seconds later Damon came flying through with his foot outstretched and the lock hanging off it's hinges.

That was simple enough, Elena mused, only realizing she was now laying flat against the tiled floor when Damon appeared, hovering above her. She groaned and tried to push his hands off when he attempted to shake her shoulders.

"Elena" Damon's voice sounded strong, then weak, then strong again. "I need you to tell me what you've done. Tell me you didn't take these." He brought his hand into her eyesight, holding the empty pill bottle. Yelling now, he reiterated "What is this, Elena?"

Shit, he thought she'd taken the pills. Focusing all her effort on speaking, she promised "I didn't take them."

"Oh Christ. Jesus Christ. Did you try to kill yourself?" Damon lifted her upright, and shook her again, ignoring the unpleasantness of the tears and snot on her face. "I'm taking you to the hospital right now. I'm calling 911."

_That_ got Elena's attention. "No!"" she cried, weakly grabbing at his arm that was reaching for the cell phone. "If they think I made a suicide attempt they'd commit me. It'd get back to Stefan. Everyone would know. It'd ruin him. I didn't do it, Damon."

"I don't believe you."

"Damon, _please_. I swear. Don't do this"

He studied her intensely "If i'm not going to call them then you need to make yourself vomit."

Elena struggled against his grip, feeling more and more like a child throwing a tantrum "No. I don't want to."

"So help me Elena, if you don't, then i'll shove my fingers down your throat myself."

Gradually becoming sober enough to realize this was the lesser of two evils, (a hospital trip really would destroy her) she leant over the toilet bowl and did as he asked.

Damon gathered her hair back to the nape of her neck and his voice was smoother when he spoke again "Once more, Elena. It's almost over."

She retched some more until nothing was left and sat up, gratefully taking the glass of water from Damon after he lowered himself down opposite her. Luckily, vomiting had sobered her up enough that she could carry a conversation. Unluckily, she could now feel the heat of embarrassment crawling all over her.

"I flushed them, Damon" Elena confirmed once they had both calmed and she could open her eyes and focus again. "False alarm."

"So you were considering it?"

Elena turned away from his exposed stare. "It's complicated."

Damon drew his knees up and drummed his fingers on his shin, a sign that Elena was quickly realizing meant he was thinking hard about something. "If you don't want me to take you to the hospital, because i'm still not convinced you flushed them and even if you did you were obviously thinking about taking them, then you need to tell me what the hell is going on. No bullshit this time. That's the deal. All or nothing."

Blanching even more, Elena sighed, feeling trapped. Could she really tell someone_ everything_? Never mind the fact that saying it all out loud would mean she would have to face everything too.

"Is all this about the miscarriage?" Damon quietly prompted.

"I _wish_ that was the only thing." Elena finally spoke. She'd tell him her story and let the cards fall where they may. "Why do you care so much?"

"Call it morbid curiosity" Damon replied, his eyes hard. "How the girl who had everything, ends up like that." He indicated with his head to the standing mirror in the corner.

Seeing the state she was in reflected back to her, make-up smeared all down her face, Elena could see the point he was trying to make.

"Or do you only see me as good enough for fucking Stefan out of you, but not good enough to confide in?"

"Do you just want the highlights? Like the golden classic when Stefan tried to indecent proposal me to a prospective client. Or do you want the whole beautiful, messy overview?" Elena started calmly, shocking Damon that she was actually speaking. "Oh Damon, my whole life is just one lie stacked on top of another lie."

"How did it get so bad, Elena?"

"Your brother is an hardcore addict, Damon. It started with gambling. Then the woman. Then came the drink and the pills. And little by little my future burnt away." Elena looked at Damon, a half smile on her face. "Everything you think you know about my life or Stefan's is a construct. Kept perfected by me."

"You cover for all the shit Stefan pulls. You follow after him and paper up the cracks." Damon deduced correctly, his mouth working soundlessly as he tried to digest everything being thrown at him. "You don't even have a life because it's all devoted to keeping him above water."

Elena shrugged "I guess, but isn't that what I signed up for when I married him?" And that was the crutch of everything Elena believed. Just how far were those marriage vows supposed to stretch? "He's not a completely bad guy, Damon. It's a disease and I used to fight so hard for him to go to rehab. But there is only so much I can do short of dragging him through the door myself."

"Why haven't you told anyone? Why didn't you ask for help? Nobody can deal with all that shit by themselves. You were, _you are_, drowning, Elena."

"Because I was trying to keep it together by myself. I wanted to be strong enough. I didn't want to have to admit all the choices i'd made were wrong." Elena shifted, stretching her legs out straight out in front to stop them from cramping. "There's no money. None. We are under a mountain of debt and that's why we're selling the house."

Damon shook his head, a look of disgust glowering from his eyes. "So Stefan lost everything and then sent you to absorb the fallout. He let you take the brunt."

"Well that's the gist of it. The addiction, the debt. I'll spare you the gory details."

"It's no wonder you were on the brink of an overdose." Damon ran his hands through his hair, looking up into the florescent light. "And all i've been doing is adding to it. If I could have stopped Stefan before he got into all that stuff, maybe.."

"No, Damon. I could sit here and blame everything he's done on the crap he indulges in, but at some point I have to accept that underneath it all he's changed into someone I don't like. People do that sometimes, they change, even without the help of chemicals. I mean, I did. I used to be a nice, normal person and now i'm cold and hard and _mean_."

Damon cracked his first smile of the night, the drip of the faucet patting out a rhythm in the background "Oh, I don't know, you have your moments of humanity."

The relief of a window of levity forced Elena to break out into uncontrollable laughter which soon turned into wracking sobs. She glanced up at him, tears spiking and rolling off her eyelashes "Please don't hate me. I promise I tried for your brother, I really did. I know on my wedding night you asked me to treat him good and I'm so sorry I failed in that and i'm so sorry I had to drag you into everything by selling the house. You don't deserve any of this."

Leaning forward, Damon gently touched Elena's arm "You know that you don't either, right? This shouldn't be your burden to bear. Nobody blames you. I don't blame you."

Elena disagreed, but was too shattered and spent to argue. She felt exposed and raw, but it was a good feeling. She felt almost _clean. _There was someone else on this planet who knew more about her than anyone else had, _ever_ and it was welcome skip in the record of her life. The numbness she carried around as a comfort blanket was disintegrating, but for right now, she was okay with that.

"We're not going to stop talking about this, because you need to tell me the all the small gory details that tear you up too, Elena. But for right now we need to get you out of this bathroom and get some sleep." Damon moved and scooped her up bridal style, draping her legs over his arm, probably knowing he was only getting away with carrying her because she was too drunk and weak to protest. He bypassed though her bedroom and walked out into the hallway to his. Pulling back the cotton sheets on his bed with one arm, he put her down and pulled the comforter back up over her.

Following his movements, Elena watched wide-eyed as Damon shucked his trousers and slipped into the other side bed in his boxers and shirt. "What?" he questioned cluelessly when he caught sight of her staring at him.

"Why do you want me to stay with you?" Elena pulled the blankets tighter around her. "I'm not ready to…I don't want to-"

"I didn't bring you in here so I could have sex with you, Elena." Damon exclaimed, looking almost hurt that she'd think that of him. "You just need someone tonight."

"So it's because you feel sorry for me?" Elena tried again, hating the thought of being tolerated because he pitied her. "Is that why you're being nice to me? That's what this morning was about?"

Exhaling noisily, Damon took both of Elena's hands and pulled them to his chest, the warmth instantly calming her. "Do you ever get that feeling where you're so desolate all you want is another human to hold onto so you can feel tethered to the ground?"

"All the time, but there never is."

"That's what i'm going to be for you. Not because I pity you, but because I know what it feels like." Damon turned onto his side and switched off the lamp. "Goodnight Elena."

* * *

Boy, did Elena have a crappy day, but I think she's finally hit her rock bottom. To all those who read this fic, _Thank You_ x


	7. Chapter 7

Damon's breathing was the first thing Elena became aware of while she drifted halfway between dreams and reality. Without opening her eyes, she used his steady inhales and exhales as a tempo to fully bring herself back to complete consciousness. Curled up on one edge of the bed while Damon was as far away as possible on the other side, Elena let the miles of blankets separate them. Despite the expanse stretching behind her, one of Damon's hands had breached the invisible border and was resting gingerly on the contour of her hip, the pads of his fingers scarcely making contact with her flesh, as if he was sure she'd disappear into smoke if he gripped with any real resolution.

Damon's touch reminded Elena of the promise he had made last night and she dwelled over if, even in sleep, he was attempting to rescue her a little.

A falter in the cadence of his breaths, along with his hand slipping off her skin and withdrawing, enlightened Elena to the fact he was waking up. She sighed deeply, the dull throb of a headache behind her temple a grim reminder of all the drinks she had consumed several hours ago, and then she turned over, opening her eyes to see Damon narrowly staring back at her with puckered brows.

"Why haven't you left him?" he questioned immediately, behaving as if they could just pick-up the conversation from last night like there hadn't been any break at all. The issue was visibly one he had been chewing over for a while, maybe even one that'd been keeping him up.

The buzzing in Elena's head grew louder and her mouth became increasingly more parched. "We're doing this again? Right now?" she retorted, doubting that she was ready for another intimate tell-all just yet. "While I'm laying in bed with you?"

"I want to understand and it's good for you to talk about it. If I let you stop now, it'll go back to being like getting blood out of a stone." He paused, anticipating an answer, his black hair a sublime contradiction to the cream pillowcase he was resting on. When Elena kept silent, he sat up and shook his head in frustration, turning away from her and swinging his legs over the side of the mattress.

Studying the map of muscles and sinew rippling under the span of his back, Elena bit her lip. She didn't want to regress after finally getting some of the weight off her shoulders. Besides, she felt a perplexing longing to make Damon understand how her justifications and rationale had landed her where she was today. There were, of course, a multitude of reasons why Elena stayed with Stefan and why she would always return. There was nobody else to rely upon and she'd never been good at being alone. Plus, she was nothing but a empty shell, and had no craving to better her life. Especially when she recognized there was not, by any means, any grass that was greener on the other side. She was weak.

But Elena chose to discard all those reasons and only divulge the most substantial explanation.

"There are times," she began, swallowing painfully and rolling onto her back, adjusting the sheet around her shoulders "when I really believe it's all my fault he is the way he is. Maybe I didn't love him enough, or do enough to save him." She sensed the bed dip and Damon recline back down next to her while she continued the flow of speech. "And if I'm to blame, how could I abandon my husband?"

While she waited for Damon to formulate a response, she scrutinized his ample bedroom for the first time. Not having the mental competence to do it last night, now she could discern glimpses of his personality reflected all around the sleekly decorated room. He was in the stack of classic books piled high next to his bed, in the lavish tub in his bathroom and in the dark tones of wood that surrounded them. It was strangely comforting.

"I could argue with you that it is just not true until I was blue in the face and you still wouldn't believe it." Damon eventually replied, the low, rich tones of his voice encircling her. "It not being your fault is something you're going to have to understand on your own." Another interlude followed. "Are you still in love with my brother?"

Together they turned onto their sides with a rustling of the comforter, finally facing each other again, intuitively knowing eye-contact was needed for the reply to a crucial question that even Elena wasn't certain on how to tackle.

"Do I still love him?" Elena repeated shakily, her gaze flitting from Damon's scrutiny "I don't like him." Trying to be as honest as she could, she elaborated "But I think I still love the man I married. Problem is, I'm not sure he exists anymore."

Something in the set of Damon's jaw and the way he looked at her as if he was truly seeing _her _made Elena consider that he possibly understood exactly what she meant. Perhaps he even comprehended without her having to explain the comatose state she spent her life in now. Maybe he knew all about her long forgotten dreams and the bad case of self-loathing she was infected with.

It was hard for Elena to have someone see under every layer she had created, and admittedly it had been like this since they were kids. Even when they were being hateful to each other, the insight was there, making it impossible to really hide. "Damon?" she probed uncertainly, going back to chewing on her bottom lip "Why is it always like this between us?"

"I don't know, Elena. I really don't know." Damon twisted over onto his back again and stared resolutely at the ceiling. Groaning, he pushed himself up, carded his hands through his hair and walked over to the wardrobe. "You going to be okay while I'm at work for a couple of hours this morning?" he asked, distracted as he yanked the hangers around trying to find a shirt.

Elena propped herself up against his mahogany headboard and rested her chin on her knees. "Actually, I was thinking," she hesitated and then rushed froward, scrunching her words together "maybe I could go with you?" It had been niggling at her for a while to see what he was really like in the place he'd been so driven about and had built up from the ground. "I wouldn't be in the way, I promise" she added, smiling shyly and holding her breath, anticipating an immediate refusal. Stefan had always hated her being anywhere near his office.

"Sure" Damon shrugged, attempting to cover a look of surprise and throwing a smirk over his shoulder. "If you're not too hungover to function."

Disregarding the headache that was slowly dimming, she was actually feeling a lot better than she deserved. "I'll live."

"Then go get changed into these." He hurled a scrunched up ball of clean, frayed sweats and a white T-shirt into her lap. "I know what you're like about getting dirty and the auto shop is pretty damn grimy."

Rolling her eyes, Elena had to begrudgingly concede he was correct. She watched as Damon chose his own set of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of the shower water hitting tile following seconds later. Swinging her legs over onto the floor, she shrieked as her bare feet hit the chilled hardwood. "Fuck me" she cursed, springing up onto her tiptoes.

Damon's head peered around the door, his hair wet with remnants of shampoo and his chest shaking with suppressed laughter.

"What?" Elena snapped defensively, crossing her arms tightly and trying not to smile back.

"Just always a shock to hear that filthy mouth on you, no matter how many times I've witnessed it before."

Elena felt behind her and grabbed a pillow, haphazardly tossing it in his direction and missing by a good amount. "_Jackass_" she emphasized, quietly laughing as he ducked back into the shower. Catching sight of her grin in the mirror, she was staggered that even after the night they'd experienced, Damon had still managed to make the morning bearable. She was even more shocked that she'd willingly suggested spending time together.

The car journey was silent in an easy sort of way, Damon tapping his long fingers along with the hits that crackled from the radio. When they arrived at his workplace and had parked, Damon turned towards her, slipping his Ray-Bans off and tucking them into the front of his shirt. "Go easy on Steve this time? The poor guy is terrified of you."

"Steve?" Elena echoed, looking confused before a flash of recognition crossed over her face. "Oh _Steve, _the man who works for you that I met when I first arrived?"

"Yeah, him." He lifted his eyebrows "The one that you cut to shreds with your tongue on the forecourt."

Blushing, Elena winced "Oops." Contrite, she offered up a pinky "I swear, best behavior."

Damon smirked and got out of the car, waiting for her to catch up while he put the key in the lock and pushed the office door open with his foot.

"Hey Boss." Steve, who had apparently determined on his own that it was break time already, was reclining in an overstuffed chair with his back to the entrance. Flipping through a copy of Playboy, he held a cup of steaming coffee in his right hand and turned around to greet Damon. He saw Elena, fumbled the magazine behind his back and almost dropped the drink he'd been holding into his lap in the process. "Shi-, I mean damn, didn't know we were expecting visitors."

Elena had to look away to hide her smile. Damon snorted and said "Obviously, going by your reading material."

"I only read it-"

"For the articles" Elena finished the age-old adage, eyes sparkling. She offered out her hand. "Hello Steve, I'm sorry if we got off on the wrong foot the other week."

Damon watched her curiously as Steve stood up and wiped his oil stained hands on the back of his jeans before accepting her handshake. "It's no problem ma'am."

Already exiting out of the office into the adjoining garage, Damon motioned with his head to Elena "C'mon, there's something I want to show you." He walked out and yelled back at Steve over his shoulder "Now that you know she's not going to eat you alive, you can enjoy the rest of your coffee break."

Elena smiled briefly once more at the harmless employee and then jogged out to reach Damon. Four cars in various states of quality sat side by side with Damon at the vintage cherry-red Porsche at the end of line. He had the hood popped and his head ducked underneath, his toned arms tense as he braced them against the sides of the car.

Damon glanced over and caught Elena trying to covertly eye-ball him. He beamed, all his teeth proudly displayed. "You have a dirty mechanic fantasy I should know about?"

"Not in this lifetime" Elena pledged, her mouth twitching into a smile as she moved forward and put her head beside his to see what he was investigating. "What does this do?" she indicated with her fingernail towards the area Damon had been touching.

"Why don't you open it and find out?"

Conflicted, she studied him for a moment and then bent forward to unscrew the cap. As soon as she did, several, spasmodic squirts of oil covered her chest and neck, staining the clothes she had borrowed. She shrieked and leapt back, glaring at Damon who was now resting his back against the car and watching her gleefully.

"You're a dick" Elena declared, incredulous as she wiped at the mess and only succeeded in making it worse. "You knew that was going to happen."

Chuckling, Damon held out his arm and playfully pulled a reluctant Elena into his side "I just thought you would want to look the part and fit in. I promise it'll all come off in the shower."

"It better" she grumbled, pushing herself away from him. Out of the corner of her eye, Elena unexpectedly noticed her nails, jagged with chipped clear polish. She stared in surprise, holding her hand straight out in front of her.

"What is it?" Damon asked, confused at her change in attitude and focus. "If you're that worried about the oil-"

"I don't care about the oil" she cut him off. Lowering her hand, she smiled awkwardly. "It's stupid really, but I just realized I don't remember the last time I had a manicure."

"Okay? So?"

Elena shrugged, attempting to explain it to make him understand. "Back in Chicago, I had weekly manicure appointments, always the same day, same time. It was such a insignificant thing, but God forbid if someone caught you with a hangnail or the wrong color of varnish." She met his blue eyes. "It just feels nice not to care, or have anyone else care about the state of my hands."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard" Damon countered, sneering. "Why would anyone give a shit about that when there are kids starving in Africa."

"I'm not saying you're wrong. However, ridiculous as it may be, appearance was a pretty important currency."

Taking in her too-large sweats that had been rolled at the waist, the shirt that was slipping off one shoulder and the swipes of black from the oil that were smudged all over her, Damon shrugged and turned away "I've never seen you look more beautiful as you do right now. You should remember that."

Elena balked at the unexpected, tender statement. The bewilderment that anyone would find her attractive while she was currently looking like the mess she did was superseded by Damon's venture into unknown territory. Softly, Elena rebuked "You can't say stuff like that Damon. I-"

"Why? Because of my fucking moron of a brother? He has no idea what he has."

"Please don't bring him into this." Elena sighed, hugging herself, her waifish frame looking even smaller if possible. "We've been having a good time today."

Damon's face darkened for a split second and then he plastered a smirk onto his lips. "You're right, the next few hours will be a Stefan-free zone." He walked over to her, palmed her shoulders and placed a sweet, chaste kiss onto her cheek; the corner of his lips brushing against the corner of her mouth. Before she could protest or even register what had happened, he was back under the hood of the car.

Elena brushed with her fingers at the phantom sensation she could still feel, the place where his caress had been slightly off-center. It was slowly sinking in that it had been the first time they'd kissed that hadn't been fueled by anger or revenge, the first time they'd showed affection outside the boarding house. Taking her cues from Damon, Elena swept the moment aside and went back to standing next to the car he was working on, both acting like it hadn't happened.

Surprisingly, Elena enjoyed the next couple of hours. She sat crossed-legged on the floor while Damon repaired the engine, handing him the tools he needed, laughing at his rolling eyes when, in her ignorance, she would inevitably give him the wrong one.

Apparently, around Damon she cried a little less and laughed a lot more.

And that's how her last week in Mystic Falls continued. They talked ad nauseum about her life, about her marriage with Stefan. Damon was relentless in his questioning. He had a way of looking at her while she spoke that made her believe he really wanted to understand every part of her fucked up existence. Nonetheless, he had a uncanny proclivity to know when she'd had too much and then they would go somewhere and he'd make her forget and laugh till her ribs hurt.

They never verbalized it, but unavoidably each night Elena ended up back in Damon's bed. Not that there was any intimacy involved, they hadn't been like that since he'd found her passed out on the bathroom floor and had learned the whole, ugly truth. No, as darkness fell, they would lay on their detached, respective sides of the bed.

Yet, without fail, every time Elena woke up she would find Damon's hand resting on her hipbone, lighter than air and revoked as soon as he stirred.

"You didn't have to go to this trouble for me, Elena." Alaric reprimanded pleasantly, watching as Elena bent to open the oven door. "I would have been happy with a delivery from The Grill."

"I know I didn't," Elena replied, pulling out a freshly cooked casserole and waving the steam from the glazed terracotta pot. "But I promised you dinner last week and it's my last night here. Besides, I don't usually get the opportunity to cook, so I'd hold that praise in case you get food poisoning."

Alaric followed her into the dining room carrying the breadsticks and salad. "I'm sure it'll be great. It's not like we get a lot of home cooked food around here anyway, so our grading curve is pretty simple."

Damon, who had been sitting at the table waiting for the food, looked up at their entrance and grinned. "About time."

"Always humble aren't you Damon?" Elena smirked, rolling her eye while she busied herself with serving everyone's plates with the ladle.

When they had finally settled, taken their first few bites and Elena was assured her cooking was above par, the conversation started.

Alaric reached across and poured a glass of white wine. "So the house is officially yours now Damon?"

"Got the deeds signed today." Damon replied between mouthfuls. "Everything went through."

Elena glanced down at her meal. Yesterday when Damon had shown her his bank account slips, she couldn't deny anymore this transaction was happening. He'd come up with the money just as he'd promised and suddenly, once again, she was bitterly reminded of the real reason she was in Mystic Falls. It had been nice while it lasted, but she suspected Damon was more than ready to get his life back.

Breaking the news to Stefan went about as well as she could have hoped for. When she finally had to reveal to her husband who the buyer of the house really was, he had raged for a few minutes on the phone before calming when he realized he'd be getting the money either way. The promise of financial gain trumped his urge to humiliate his brother. With the papers signed on both ends, they were pretty much done.

Over the clink of the cutlery, Alaric tried again to get rid of the strangely somber atmosphere. "This really is pretty delicious, Elena. I'm surprised Stefan doesn't have you doing this every night."

"They have their own cook who does everything for them." Damon answered for her, sounding vaguely sour. "Elena doesn't have to lift a finger. She never has to reach her full potential. Ever."

Ignoring Damon, Elena smiled sweetly at Alaric who was shooting Damon a confused glance. "Thank you, Ric. It's the least I could do for you and Damon after he let me stay here and you drove me to the airport."

Damon violently twisted his salt shaker over his food and grumbled. Also ignoring him, Alaric responded to Elena. "So did you enjoy your time here? Did you get all nostalgic to move back?"

"Oh no, It was nice but I don't think I'll be moving anytime soon." Elena chanced a look at Damon out of the corner of her eye. "It's been... cathartic."

Noticing Alaric's gaze darting between her and Damon, she coughed and started to collect the empty plates. Telling the two men to stay seated while she grabbed dessert, she ran out to the kitchen hoping Alaric had been distracted enough not to pick up on anything occurring between her and Damon.

With what was quickly becoming tradition whenever Alaric and Damon were together, Elena caught her name being spoken in soft tones and she stood next to the door frame on the other side of the wall to them, panicking that Damon had been telling all of her secrets.

"You know this isn't real, right?" Alaric prompted. "The whole Betty Crocker fantasy. Coming home to Elena at night. It's all temporary, she's someone else's wife, Damon. She's going back home tomorrow."

"Thank you Ric for clearing that up, I wasn't aware before." Damon hissed back, taking a pause as if listening to see if Elena was returning. "I know the score."

Ric coughed, and Elena could hear the table creak as he leant over to get closer to Damon. "There's something going on between you two, isn't there?"

"Yeah, there is. She's selling a house to me. How did you manage to crack that one?"

"Don't fucking play that game with me, Damon." Alaric whispered harshly. "You know exactly what I mean. You can't keep your eyes off her."

Damon briefly pondered over Alaric's inquiry. "You have _no_ idea what's going on, Ric. And that's as much as I'm willing to say about it."

Elena let out a silent breath of relief. If she didn't think she could trust Damon before, she did now. He had somehow managed to get Alaric off his case without putting Elena in the firing line or disparaging her marriage to Stefan. To think that she'd been expecting him to use their affair as some sort of bragging rights seemed ridiculous now.

Alaric tightly questioned "Do I need to be worried about you?"

When Damon's answer never came, Elena backed away and loudly slammed the kitchen door. Spreading a smile onto her face, she balanced the trifle on her upturned hands and walked into the dining room, pretending she was none the wiser.

They managed to get through dessert without any further mishaps or comments and when Elena and Damon walked Alaric to the front door, Elena was surprised at the acute sense of sadness she felt at the realization she'd probably never see Damon's best friend again.

They hesitated at the open door, trying to draw out the evening.

"I saw Bonnie the other day." Alaric recalled, balancing on the doorstep and swinging his car keys around his finger. "She said you guys had talked about her flying out to visit you sometime."

Elena remembered calling Bonnie a few days ago, making sure she at least had the decency to give her a real goodbye this time. Bonnie had suggested them meeting in Chicago in a few months. Elena couldn't remember the noncommittal answer she'd given, but it was nice to think that it could be a possibility to look forward to. In reality, she knew it'd never happen, but it was pleasant to have the indefinite option all the same.

"It's a possibility." Elena replied, giving a small smile.

"Well I for one hope you and _Stefan," _Alaric emphasized, eyeing Damon "come back sometime. We're sorry to see you go."

Elena laughed and leant forward to give him a loose hug, already knowing the chances of her ever returning where slim to none. "I'll see what we can do. I can assure you though, you're better off without us."

Sensing Damon and Alaric wanted to have a final conversation without her, Elena said her goodbyes once more and trailed upstairs, forgoing the eavesdropping this time.

Already in bed with the lights off when Damon eventually slipped under the sheets, Elena moved to face away from him.

"Elena" he whispered, softly touching her shoulder. "You awake?"

Weighing up the pros and cons of what he could possibly want to discuss, she took in a deep breath and turned back over to look at him. "Yeah, what's up?"

"You're going back to Stefan tomorrow." He stated. "To a life that makes you miserable."

Elena suddenly could tell where this was going to go. Damon being inherently a good person was feeling guilty and responsible about her returning to her sucky life. This was the last thing she wanted. The burden wasn't his. "Yes I am. And it's fine, Damon. We all knew that was how it was going to end. I wasn't expecting anything else."

Whispering in the dark, Damon replied "Something has to change for you."

"I'm not as miserable as you think I am, Damon. I know how to handle myself out there. The money from the boarding house will help and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that."

The answering lull was a testament to how Damon didn't agree in any respect with her statements.

"I'm sorry you got caught up in all this." Elena apologized towards the direction where she could just about see the flash of his eyes and teeth.

"Stop feeling guilty, Elena. You did what you had to do." Damon soothed.

But she did feel guilty. For everything she did, for who she was.

"If you really want to make all this worth it, promise me you'll use the money to help yourself and not Stefan. Promise me you'll use it to get out of the hole you've dug yourself into."

Elena sighed "Helping Stefan_ is _helping me, Damon."

"You're so fucking stubborn." Damon paused "Then at least swear you'll call me if it starts to get worse or if you need someone."

"Maybe" Elena replied softly, having no intention whatsoever to drag Damon back into her problems ever again.

Going by Damon's harsh silence and him abruptly twisting away from her, Elena could tell they both knew she had meant 'no' instead of 'maybe'. Feeling a unexpected streak of fear tighten her chest, she knew she needed to do something drastic.

She reached over and switched the overhead lamp on, watching as Damon's eyes blinked against the light. Before he could get a word out she moved over to his side of the bed and kissed him, long and hard and desperate.

"Elena …" Damon said uncertainly, leaning back to look at her "I-"

"I just had to-"

Damon interrupted her by crushing his lips to hers, matching her kiss in its desolation. He moved so he could suspend himself over her, pulling the sheets back up around them and stroked a finger down her cheek. "One last time, Elena. Let me give you one last time."

Nodding, Elena felt like she'd die if they didn't chase that freedom once more before she had to go. One last chance to feel alive. Without looking away from Damon's all consuming stare, she slipped her wedding ring off and placed it on the table next to her. She expected it to be the first and last time she'd ever remove the significant piece of jewelry.

He hesitated, before reaching down and pulling her shirt over her head, barely blinking when he found her wearing no bra. Next, he pulled her sleep shorts down her legs as she watched him, completely letting him control how this was going to go. Making sure he wasn't leaning on her long hair, he swept it away from her shoulders and brought his chest to hers, kissing her hungrily again.

Breaking away from Elena for a second, he leant back and removed his shirt and boxers, throwing them onto the floor and then rapidly returning to cover her.

Elena kept silent as he moved down her neck, to her shoulders, then to her chest, dropping light kisses as he went, lingering over her where he could feel her heart beating. She was terrified of saying something and popping the bubble they had wrapped themselves in. Her eyes closed as he took the time to swirl each nipple into his mouth, only moving beyond them when they became rigid.

Bumping her hips up to his in her necessity, Damon got the hint and hooked his thumbs under her panties, slowly trailing them down her legs so she could feel every sensation of fabric against her skin. She could already tell he wasn't going to let this be quick or dirty like before. Hell, it was going to be the first time they'd done this in a bed.

"Let me in, Elena" he rasped into the stretch of neck that his mouth was nestled against. She spread her legs and he cupped her, sliding his fingers between her drenched labia. She shook as he worked one finger in and then another, biting her lip as they penetrated her. He crooked a finger against her wet walls and he had to hold down her hips and she jerked in response.

"I can't hold on" Elena moaned, feeling the slow burn and clench in her stomach. "Stop, I want you inside me when I come." Fisting her hand into his hair she maneuvered his mouth against hers, and waited for him to remove his fingers. Opening her thighs to cradle him, she crossed her ankles behind him, arching her back as he rubbed his cock against her.

Damon's eyes bore into hers as he held her just on the knife's edge of bliss "Say you want me, Elena. Say it's me who you're thinking of."

She could have combusted from the sheer need to have him buried inside her. His raw yearning making her feel over exposed, she glanced to the side trying to push down the tidal wave of emotion.

"Don't," Damon whispered, cupping her cheek and guiding her face to look back at him. "Don't disappear. Be with me right now."

As soon as she nodded her consent, he surged into her, generating a low keen from the back of her throat. Never breaking from his gaze, their intimacy and lack of any space between them burnt and singed all the way up her spine. "Damon, I-" she mewled.

"You're okay." Damon promised breathlessly, dropping his head to her shoulder, thrusting and filling her so perfectly she couldn't imagine being empty ever again. "We're okay."

He braced himself on his forearms as he continued to roll and work himself into her wet heat, withdrawing and then plunging back to the hilt. Every time Elena got the rhythm down he would change his angle and the coil in her belly would start again. He was obviously dragging it out until they were both worn down to their last resolve, until they milked all they could out of each other.

"God, Damon" Elena swore violently, no longer able to keep quiet. She could feel herself contracting tighter around him. "I'm right there."

Achingly close to his own release, Damon let any curbing of his control go and pushed and ground into her recklessly, intertwining his fingers with hers. Just as his pelvic bone rubbed against her clit, she cried out and climaxed, digging each of her fingernails into his palms.

_"Elena_" Damon bit out hoarsely, his toes digging into the mattress. Despite the indescribable feeling of her walls pulsing around him, it was the gentle, feather light kiss she touched under his jaw that made him lose it, spilling into her and falling exhausted against her chest. They waited until their breathing had leveled before moving again.

Trying to ignore the great feeling of loss as he slipped out of her and reached above them to turn off the light, Elena rolled to her side, pushing her face into the pillow and pretending there was no moisture in her eyes. She was shocked when rather than pull away from her and restore their usual space, Damon entwined an arm around her waist and nestled her back against his chest.

"_That_ should have been our first time." he whispered into the shell of her ear.

Contemplating that she should probably move out from under his embrace, she instead tried to memorize how good it felt to just be held. Storing and bottling the memory for the future. She would give herself this last night before she went back to being Elena Salvatore. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was Damon's grip and the way his body fit perfectly against hers.

The sun hadn't even risen when she woke again. It was still a watered down black and grey outside as she carefully extracted herself from a deeply sleeping Damon. Quickly getting dressed, she forced her wedding ring back onto her finger and put her already packed luggage by the door.

Glancing behind her to make sure he was still asleep, Elena grabbed a pen and piece of paper and sat on the floor to write her last goodbye to Damon Salvatore.

**_Damon, You know I've never been good with goodbyes which is why I've left you with this letter. I'm sure you're grateful to skip that whole scene, too. I feel like there have been so many things left unsaid between us, but when I want to write them down I can't think of a single one. Isn't that always the way?_**

**_I guess all I can do is thank you. Thank you for reminding me what it's like to feel __human again, thank you for caring, and thank you for putting up with me. You've helped me more than you'll ever know. _**

**_Whatever is left of the money from the sale of the house after Stefan has used it, I will send back to you for Violetta. I promise that I will do everything in my power to help you with that._**

**_I'm sure this letter is starting to get way too melodramatic for your taste so I'll wrap it up._**

**_Damon- I genuinely hope you'll have the best life you can. You deserve it. I'd say we'd come see you sometime, but you'd know it was a lie._**

**_All that's left to say is goodbye._**

**_Elena x_**

Never happier that Damon was a heavy sleeper, Elena left the folded letter on his bedside table and turned to leave. Leaning down at the last second to kiss his exposed shoulder, she felt the familiar paralysis wind its way around her body, its grip only growing stronger as she left Mystic Falls behind and boarded the flight back to Chicago.

* * *

**A/N-** First of all, I really have to give a BIG thank to my new beta Sandra (dutchtreat). Truly amazing that she took the time out of her life to help with this story. Secondly, another huge thank you to all that read IAMB, that any of you read this means so much. And by the way, how shocking was that last TVD episode? Eeesh.


	8. Chapter 8

Elena sighed, staring forlornly at the cherry tomato she was repeatedly spearing on and off her fork, the rust colored juice running from the puncture marks and tinting the rest of her garden salad. The sound of snapping fingers in her face shook her out of the stupor and she glanced up to see Stefan inspecting her with exasperation.

"I took you out to the best restaurant in the city, Elena" Stefan spat out through clenched teeth, pointing the knife he was using to cut his steak at her. "Your_ favorite_ place to eat, which is a lot more than you deserve after pulling that stunt with letting my brother buy my house. The least you could do is listen to me when I'm talking."

It had been a few weeks since she had left Virginia behind. The addition of the much needed funds from the sale meant Stefan was riding high. He'd been able to make good on the most pressing of his debts and credit card bills, and luckily for Elena that meant he was keeping his sobriety at a functional level. But as usual, when Stefan had some money in his back pocket, he was firmly under the illusion he was untouchable again.

When she'd first come home, Elena was determined to pretend Mystic Falls, and all the people in it, never existed. If she could just fake like nothing had changed maybe it'd be okay. Then she could wake up next to Stefan every morning and look him in the eye without obsessing over what she'd done behind his back. Sure, she wanted to use some of the strength she had achieved by telling her story to Damon, to try and keep herself from slipping away again. After all, the essence of guilt she carried around should be for something. But after several days of silent treatment and bitter remarks from Stefan due to her deceiving him over the truth about the buyer at first, she'd gradually let all her emotions leak out and the depression settle back in.

Everything went back to how it had been like pre-Damon. Except now Elena had those memories of Mystic Falls to taunt her, no matter how much she tried to banish them. At night she would poke and prod and pull at the recollections she had. Like that one time Damon had smiled at her, was it genuine or was he just hiding his pity? Whatever things she questioned in her head, in the end she always came up with the same conclusion: she was attaching far more worth to her time spent with Damon than he probably would be, and she needed to forget it and move on. No doubt he already had.

"I'm just tired." Elena replied, biting her nails into her wrist so hard they drew blood. She did this frequently to distract herself from just standing up and screaming bloody murder until someone noticed. "I'm sorry."

"We're all tired, Elena. Doesn't mean we stop being functional members of society. Anyway, what could you have possibly been doing to make yourself so exhausted? Brock said his wife told him you hadn't been at any of their gatherings since you came home." He shoveled a heaping forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth.

She hadn't been able to bring herself to assimilate back into her old social circle quite yet, but if she wanted life to get fully back to normal that was the next step. "I'm seeing Joan and Whitney on Wednesday." Elena informed him, going back to resting her her head on her hand as she played with her food. "We're planning the next charity ball for the Smyth Trust."

Stefan instantly looked mollified and his features softened. "That's good to hear." Looking vaguely uncomfortable, he shifted in his chair and placed his cloth napkin in his lap. "Look, sweetheart, I know things have been tough lately but that's all going to change now. We have the money and I have more clients than ever. We can look at it as a fresh start. So, chin up." He reached over the table and covered her hand with his clammy palm.

Yes, they probably could have a fresh start. Just like the countless others they'd had and that got ruined when Stefan got the urge to put a little bit too much money down at the poker table, or he couldn't resist another glass of liquor. Doing everything in her power not to cringe away from his touch, Elena stared as he dug into the inside pocket of his jacket and brought out a slim, rectangular velvet box.

"I bought this so you would know that I've missed you while you were away." Stefan explained, opening the box to reveal an iridescent, heavy looking diamond choker.

She should have been expecting it really. Stefan's favorite way of smoothing everything over was to buy her apology jewelry dripping with his guilt. The larger the carats, the more women he had probably slept with.

"Stefan, it's beautiful, it really is ... but I thought we discussed trying to save some of the money we had left over. Remember? I put some aside."

Fingers clenched tightly against the box, Stefan's knuckles turned white as he slammed the lid shut and shoved the gift back into his pocket, making Elena jump. "Why do you_ insist_ on being such an ungrateful little bitch? You're never happy. You're never satisfied." As his anger grew, so did the volume of his voice, causing several other surrounding patrons to sneak curious glances at them. "I'll use that money any way I see fit. And _I'll _decide if we need to save any."

Elena felt the nausea start to spread. She'd been counting on that reserve of cash in case of an emergency or for when Stefan would inevitably start his downward spiral again. And she was also planning on skimming as much as she could, without it being noticeable, to send to Damon for his mother's care. Now she would have to rethink everything.

"And will you stop crying all the time." Stefan ordered, his voice muted now that he had noticed people looking. "I don't know what's gotten into you. I haven't ever seen you as tearful as you have been since you've gotten back."

Inconspicuously dabbing at the corner of her eyes with her serviette and trying not to smear her eyeliner, Elena shook her head. "It's nothing, I'm fine." As much as it angered her, Elena hadn't been able to stuff all of her emotions down as well as she used to. One very annoying side effect from her time away was that she was prone to crying jags when she least expected it. She figured she was just making up for lost time.

"Stefan, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted like that to your present." Elena pasted on a bright smile as a plan started forming. She gently touched Stefan's arm. "I'd really like to see it again."

Smiling for real when Stefan grumbled but did as she asked, Elena feigned the appropriate amount of gushing over the piece of jewelry. In a couple of days Stefan would forget all about the gift and then she would walk herself right down to the pawn shop and send the money straight to Damon. It was about time Stefan started contributing, even if it was unknowingly.

The spark of pleasure Elena received from getting one over on Stefan gave her just enough energy to get through the rest of the meal and the drive home.

The phone call came when she least expected it. It had been a few days since the dinner out with her husband and she was thankful that the novelty of her being back home was wearing off for him. Soon enough they would go back to being like ghosts in the same house.

It was late when Elena sat on the side of the bed toeing off her heels and dreading the committee meeting she was scheduled to attend the next morning, rubbing her feet while Stefan sat on the chaise lounge unbuttoning his shirt. She hadn't even registered the ring of Stefan's cell and him answering it until the perturbed tone of his voice cut through her daze.

"Why?" Stefan muttered into the phone, looking strangely at Elena. He waited for a response and then sounding even more provoked, he reiterated again. "That doesn't answer the question on why you're calling me to speak to my wife, Damon."

Elena flushed, trying to keep the heat down in her cheeks so as not to look suspicious. Shaking her head and shrugging at Stefan's questioning look, she realized she really didn't have any idea about why Damon would be calling to speak to her, or even if she should be worried.

"It's Damon" Stefan took the cell away from his ear and covered the speaker while he talked to Elena. "Why does he want to get a hold of you?"

"Well if you let me speak to him I can find out." Elena pointed out sardonically, pushing down the rising panic on how she was going to pull off a normal conversation, with the man she had cheated on him with, in front of her husband. Stefan frowned but reluctantly handed over the phone, studying her as she greeted his brother.

"Damon? It's Elena."

"'_I guess all that's left to say is goodbye_?' _A letter, Elena. Really?_" Damon's voice drifted around her, husky and low, a suggestion of acidity in his words.

"Oh I did? I hadn't even realized." Elena replied, thinking quickly. The shock of hearing his voice so unexpectedly caused her skin to feel like it was covered with exposed nerve endings. Meeting Stefan's gaze and trying to keep a poker face, she whispered "I left a bag of my stuff behind and Damon wants to know if he should send it over."

Stefan quickly lost interest, buying her mundane explanation and ambled away into the master bathroom for his shower. Elena waited for a second listening for any sounds of him returning and then quickly let herself out onto the balcony, closing the door softly behind her and drawing her cashmere sweater tighter in the brisk night air.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Elena finally hissed, putting the phone back to her ear and staring unseeingly at the city vista laid out below. "What is _wrong_ with you? Calling Stefan to talk to me?"

"_I didn't know your number, didn't really have a choice." _Damon argued dryly.

Spluttering, Elena admonished "Yes, you did have one, Damon! Your choice should have been to not call in the first place."

_"Elena, I woke up to find you gone and some shitty excuse of a goodbye and you expected me to just let it go?"_

"Of course I did! Let's call a spade a spade and not pretend I was anything but an easy fuck to you. It's been almost a month."

Damon sucked in a breath and managed to angrily get out "_Are you kidding me, Elena?! You actually believe that's all that was going on? I waited almost a month to call because I didn't seriously think you would just walk out and leave it at that."_

Elena suddenly felt very tired. "Damon," she warned "don't pretend you didn't know the score."

"_No, now I want to understand, Elena. That's what you really think was happening when you were here? That we were just screwing each other_?"

"That's how it started wasn't it?" Elena answered harshly before realizing she was getting sucked into a conversation she was too petrified to have. "Jesus Damon, I don't know what I think. None of it matters now. I need to go, okay?"

Growling, Damon guaranteed "_That may be how it started, but it damn well won't be how it's going to end." _He was silent for a few beats _"Come back to visit for the long weekend_."

Elena froze, shocked, trying to grasp what he was actually asking. "Are you high? Why would you even want-." Stopping herself from continuing, she exhaled noisily. "No. No, I'm not even getting pulled into discussing this. Anything that happened between us is over. I'm already lying to my husband enough as it is, it's not something I revel in."

_"Why not? He does it enough to you."_

"That doesn't make it right." Elena fumed, trying to work up some incense over Damon pointing out the obvious, but not quite able to generate any real anger. "I'm sorry for how I left, Damon, I am, but you can't just call me up like this because you're bored or-"

"_Christ Elena, I miss you, okay?_" Damon rasped, interrupting her and sounding like he was resenting everything he was being forced to confess. "_And I hate that. I hate that the smell of you around the house is driving me insane__,__ and I hate that all I can think about are the sounds you made when I was inside of you." _Taking a deep breath, he proposed _"If you can tell me you haven't thought of me once then this will be the last you hear from me, I promise. But if you have any doubts that are making you consider coming back, then do it, Elena. We can get it out our systems or something, I don't know. See if this bond was just some lucky fluke."_

Just as Elena's mouth was opening to give an automatic refusal she suddenly stopped herself. As much as she'd tried, life in Chicago wasn't going back to normal. Maybe if she went and saw that Damon wasn't everything she had built him up to be in her head, she could get let him go, and he could do the same. Her sentiments in her farewell letter had come from an honest place at the time, but now she couldn't find it within herself to back them up.

"I could never get away with it. Not even for four days." Elena replied uncertainly, scarcely believing the words coming out of her mouth weren't a resolute 'no'. Hearing Stefan start moving around again inside, she spoke quickly "Damon, I really have to go."

Before she could end the call, Damon promised earnestly "_Just leave it up to m_e, _I'll figure something out."_ And then Elena was only left with the sound of the dial tone.

During her immersion back into the crème de la crème of Chicago's wives the next day and then over the week after that, Elena kept the memory of the phone call and what Damon had asked buried deep inside of her. There she could only feel the possibility that it tormented her with, making her want it. The next time she heard of Damon's suggestion was Stefan coming into their living room one afternoon in a rage. He ranted nonstop for an hour over the fact that Damon was threatening to call some lawyers to see if he could renege on the sale if one of them didn't come back for an extended weekend to oversee some serious repairs that had been left unattended to.

When Stefan eventually calmed down enough to actually look at her and ask her if she minded going, because he was so rushed off his feet at work, Elena knew this was Damon's way of giving her the freedom to choose if she wanted to take him up on his offer.

She managed to look Stefan right in the eye when she answered with a resonant 'yes'.

Of course any alleged needed repairs had been well fabricated lies and as soon as Elena drove up to the boarding house she could feel the restraints around her chest loosen and a smile growing. Damon's face when he opened the door had been astounded at first and then guardedly pleased.

Expecting awkwardness Elena was surprised to find Damon and her immediately falling back into the rhythm they had previously established. Over the time she stayed, she realized a lot about their situation that she should have been scared to admit, but wasn't. Like, however they may have started, or however unhealthy it was, they were no longer about just sex anymore. An irreversible shift had happened when Elena had told Damon about her life and it was overwhelming to have someone understand you like that. Most of all, she was never more herself as she was when she was with Damon.

In these four days, the boarding house had become their safe haven. Everything outside ceased to exist, and although Elena was well acquainted with the fact that this wasn't reality, she let herself forget the truth until she would be forced to face it again. They ate pizza in the bath together, made love on every surface they could find and stayed in bed all day watching movies.

The morning she was due to fly home, Elena sat on the edge of the tub, staring at the crumpled sheets on Damon's bed and tiredly continued brushing her teeth.

"What?" Elena inquired, leaning over to spit out some toothpaste into the sink when Damon appeared and leant against the doorjamb.

Damon blinked and looked slightly stupefied at her. "You're using my toothbrush."

Smiling guiltily, Elena put the toothbrush back into its holder and shrugged. "Sorry, I already packed mine. Forgive me?"

"No, It's not that." Damon shook his head and unconsciously rubbed at his shoulder. "I like it, seeing you share my stuff."

Changing the subject, Elena looked down into her lap and asked the question that had been haunting her."Do you think I'm a bad person?" She chanced a look up at him through her eyelashes "Doing what I'm doing to your brother?"

Damon slowly sauntered into the room and sat down next to her, resting his forearms on his thighs and staring down at the floor. "It'd be a little hypocritical if I did."

"It wasn't a fluke was it?" Elena stated softly, finally accepting the inevitable. "What was between us?"

"No." Damon responded calmly. "But I think we already knew that before you came back, if we're being honest with ourselves."

Elena sighed and rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes "So what happens now?"

"I don't know." Damon dropped a kiss onto the top of Elena's hair. "We'll just have to work it out."

They tried, really tried, to take a break from each other after she got home again. A last chance attempt at doing the right thing. But they gave in quickly enough, keeping their relationship to forbidden phone calls, both careful to avoid discussing anything to do with his brother or her marriage. All Elena knew was that they probably deserved more than little pockets of happiness while hiding away in Mystic Falls and wondering how long it was going to last. Now Elena found herself in a catch 22 of being too terrified to leave her familiar life behind for something that was so new and uncertain, and not being able to let go of Damon either, or of the feeling she had when she was around him.

Everything came to a head on a Tuesday evening while Elena was getting ready to go to yet _another_ work event. As soon as Stefan had gotten home in the late afternoon and she'd seen the look in his eyes and smelt the way the booze was clinging to his clothes, she knew he was rapidly reverting back to his old ways. And when he came into their bedroom a few hours later in an even worse state, she realized there was no way they were going anywhere that night.

"Why aren't you wearing the necklace I got you?" Stefan spoke, enunciating his words very precisely like he did whenever he was trying to fake like he was sober. He walked up behind her to peer at her naked neck and steadied himself with one arm on the dresser.

Elena stiffened, the color draining rapidly from her face. She had kept the promise to herself and pawned the necklace, giving the money to Damon when she had last visited. "It didn't go with the dress I was wearing" she lied, averting her eyes and fiddling with the strap on her gown.

"Bullshit, it's a diamond necklace. It'd go with a garbage bag. Where is it, Elena?" He glared and moved her out of his way to rifle through her jewelry box, pulling out rings and bracelets and dropping them tangled onto the table.

"It doesn't matter now" Elena distracted, hoping he was intoxicated enough to have a short attention span. "We can't go tonight."

"Like hell we are."

"Oh, like you're not so hopped up on booze and pills that you'd remember going anyway." Elena scoffed, turning her back to him to go and get undressed. Before she could fathom what was happening, Stefan had tangled his fingers in her hair, jerking her back around and smacked her so hard across the face that her head flew to the side.

"Tell me where the fucking necklace is _Elena." _Stefan growled, seizing her by the arms and slamming her up against the wall when she didn't answer straight away.

Positive there was already a bruise forming on her back, but too numb to feel it right away, Elena put one hand on her burning cheek and looked up incredulously at her husband. With all the horrific things Stefan had done in their marriage, this was the first time he had ever laid a finger on her.

Stefan drew back when he saw her appalled face. Shaking his head and bonelessly dropping his grip from her, he excused "Oh God, Elena._ Baby_, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me." He reached up to brush away a tear from under her eyelash, his hand falling when she flinched away. "You just made me so mad, and I've had a couple of drinks."

Without saying a word, Elena watched him carefully as she inched out of his proximity and then hurriedly went to the closet to pull her suitcase down from the top shelf. All the reasons and explanations and pleas running from Stefan's mouth she blocked out as she walked around the room throwing in anything that would be essential.

"Are you leaving me?" Stefan asked in alarm, following her around, too nervous to touch her again.

Elena finally turned to face him "No." She inhaled a shaky breath "Yes. Jesus, I don't know Stefan." Pulling her hair up into a disheveled ponytail, she quickly changed out of her evening wear and into an old pair of jeans "I need some space. God, I can't live like this anymore, what the hell am I doing?"

"I'll give you the space because I know when you're thinking clearly again you'll realize this is just something we need to work through" Stefan declared, nodding assuredly to himself. "You don't want to throw our marriage away, Elena. I love you, and you love me."

"I can't talk to you right now, Stefan. About anything." Elena picked up her luggage and purse, moving towards the door. She wasn't even really sure what she was doing or where she was going.

"Elena," Stefan coldly called out from behind her, sitting down heavily onto their bed. "If you ever left me for real, I'd hunt you down."

She didn't bother looking back as she walked out of the door.

Elena knew it probably wasn't the appropriate thing to do in a situation like this, but she ended up buying a plane ticket to Virginia anyway. She needed somewhere to run and Damon was the only person she had, the only person she wanted. Calling him just before her plane boarded, she refused to answer any of his questions, but was appeased that he sounded like he was happy she was visiting him out of the blue.

When she saw his face waiting for her in the arrival lounge, she felt such a sense of acute relief that she dropped her bags to the floor and ran to him, lucky that he opened his arms just in time to catch her. "Damon" she breathed, laughing as she folded her legs around his waist and curved her face into his neck.

Smirking, he drew back slightly so he could look at her, making Elena grateful that she'd had the foresight to camouflage her red, still slightly tender cheek with some foundation on the plane. "You're laughing," he said surprised.

"It's been known to happen every once in a while." Elena dropped her feet to the ground, letting Damon keep his arms around her shoulders.

"It's just when you called me I thought … never mind." Damon looked at her curiously, a strange grin on his face "I mean compared to when you first visited and you could barely raise a smile my way, it's a pleasant development." He playfully pulled at the belt loop on her jeans. "And you're actually in normal people clothes." Letting go of her to pick up her luggage, he said "C'mon, let's go get the car and you can fill me in about what the hell is going on."

Almost immediately as Elena got into his familiar Camaro, the dread and reality set in, the smile slowly dropping from her face. She hadn't left her husband, at least not permanently, and she had gone straight to Damon. A man with whom she had no definable relationship, and who, as far as she knew, had no desire to want to take things further then a few stolen visits. Although she believed he cared, she couldn't just expect him to be happy with her coming to dump all her emotional crap on him again.

"I'm sorry to burden you like this." Elena broke the silence as Damon pulled away from the curb and started to weave through the traffic. "I wasn't thinking."

Detecting the mood change, Damon looked sideways at her "Will you shut up about being a burden? I'd like to think that you would know that's not true." He went back to focusing on the road "Where did you tell Stefan you were going anyway?"

"I didn't. I just kind of walked out."

Damon's grip on the steering wheel tightened "Was there a reason?"

Not sure on how Damon would react if she told the truth, Elena was deliberately evasive "We had a disagreement. I told him we needed some time apart." Watching the fast passing landscape outside the window, she notified curtly "You look exhausted."

"Okay, I get it, we don't have to talk about it right now." Damon allowed, knowing she was trying to avoid the conversation. "You can tell me the whole story later. And as for looking haggard, I've been working more overtime than usual, taking its toll a little." He smiled at her, opening his mouth to speak again before his face abruptly changed and his eyes darkened, widening "What the_ fuck _is that?"

Nonplussed, Elena followed his line of sight, finding that her shirt had ridden up against the seat and had revealed the mottled, purple bruise spanning across her back. "I …It's ... I was being clumsy and fell." She quickly pulled her shirt back down, trying not to glance away and expose her guilt.

"I swear to God, Elena, don't lie to me. Tell me that isn't from Stefan. Tell me he didn't touch you."

Elena shook her head, knowing there was no point in continuing to cover anything up when he could see right through her. "Damon, it's fine, he was drunk and he got too rough when he pushed me against a wall." When Damon neither answered nor moved, she tried again and lightly touched his arm "Damon?"

He suddenly swerved onto the hard shoulder, brutally put the car into park and ran his hands over his face and through his hair. "Is this the first time he's done this?"

"Yes."

Damon glared at her.

"It was, Damon, I promise."

Damon exhaled noisily before silently getting out of the car and slamming the door behind him. Elena watched as he braced his arms against the side of his car and seemingly focused on the ground. Five minutes later he got back in, his face moderately more relaxed.

He gently pulled up the hem of her shirt, his fingers tenderly tracing the outline of her injury "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Elena assured truthfully, because right now, being with him, she was. "Yeah I will be."

"It's over now, correct?" Damon looked at her almost pleadingly. "You have to have reached the limit now, Elena. You've left him, right?"

They stared unblinkingly at each other. Elena was the first to look away "I don't know, Damon. I really don't."

* * *

**A/N**- Oof this chapter was tough to get out, it just wouldn't co-operate. But, most importantly, an immeasurable thank you to Sandra (dutch_treat) for betaing this, without her this story would seriously just be a mess. Hope you all enjoyed :)


	9. Chapter 9

The sun hadn't even risen yet when Elena first felt the smattering of kisses that crept up her bare arm, dipped into the curve of her neck and ended behind the shell of her ear.

"I know," Damon murmured into her skin, doing his level best to appeal to her when she was half asleep and at her most pliant "that soon enough morning is going to come and we'll have to deal with everything, but can we just pretend for right now?"

Moaning her approval, Elena stayed on her stomach with her eyes closed as Damon wound down the bed sheet, baring her naked back inch by inch. When she felt his lips graze the bruise at the base of her spine, she leisurely turned over, mindful that the little memento of why she was here in the first place could plunge Damon back into an awful mood if she let him look at it too long.

"Hi," she purred, stretching her arms above her head and languidly smiling brightly at him.

Damon chuckled breezily, brazenly staring at her exposed chest. "Hi" he repeated back, reaching up and fanning out her hair with his fingers. Casting a wicked smirk her way, he shuffled down on his stomach, under the blanket, until he was positioned between her shins. Gently pushing on her ankles until Elena put her knees up, he began to trail his fingers up the inseams of her legs, up to her thighs, following with his lips in their wake.

Slamming her knees shut and terminating his journey, Elena propped herself up and pulled the sheet down further to reveal a ruffled, very bewildered looking Damon.

"Do you mind?" Damon queried, on the verge of a pout, much to Elena's great amusement. "I was in the middle of something."

Elena shrugged, her eyes gleaming innocently "I just remembered they show reruns of Oprah at this time. Wouldn't want to miss that."

Thumbs circling soothingly over the tops of her feet, Damon's face eased when he realized she appeared to be nervous "Relax, Elena."

She sighed. Truth be told, Stefan had never done this to her. It had been a long, long time since he had even been overtly tender to her while being intimate. They had been a strictly missionary couple and it was moments like this when Elena feared she would disappoint Damon with her inadequacy in bed. Gradually loosening her clenched knees, she allowed Damon to spread open her legs. Staring stubbornly at the ceiling, she avoided Damon's flashing eyes as he moved up and eagerly admired what was laid out in front of him.

"Elena Marie Gilbert," Damon laughed dirtily, his fingertips now caressing the creases at the edges of her damp core "Looks like you're more than ready for me."

"Wait." Elena protested breathlessly, putting her hand over his to stop him. "I need to ask you something."

Damon groaned, and banged his head a few times onto the mattress.

"Why do you do that?" she asked, laughing at his theatrics. "You always call me by my maiden name." She thought it might be because he didn't like to remind himself, or her, of a certain other Salvatore.

Cocking an eyebrow, Damon looked pointedly at the position he was in between her legs. "You really want to have this conversation right _now_?" Elena slowly nodded, so Damon sighed but capitulated, teasingly drawing designs on the inside of her thighs as he spoke. "Stefan shouldn't get the privilege of having you carry his last name."

Right as Elena began to compose a response, Damon buried his face in her heat, effectively shutting her up and clearing her mind of everything else but the sinful things his tongue was doing.

Shamelessly whimpering and arching her back after several minutes of his diligence, Elena was lost when Damon ran his hands up to her hips and finally swiped his tongue one last time around her bundle of nerves. "_Holy_ _Shit_, Damon," she keened, one hand flying back to slam against the headboard, the other tangling in his hair.

Looking thoroughly pleased with himself, Damon emerged and worked his way back up the bed, panting and resting his head on her chest while they both caught their breath. After a few minutes he moved and kissed the edge of each of her clavicle bones, smirking at the sated smile on her face. "Do you have any idea," he wondered, hanging his head next to hers, his disheveled hair falling into his eyes "how much I love the way you taste?"

Elena, who had barely regained her mental faculties, hummed happily and pulled him into a lazy kiss, ready to remove his boxers.

"Nope," Damon declined, gently holding her wrist to stop her moving "this time was all about you." He searched Elena's face, scrunching his forehead at her blissful expression "What?"

"It's just, right in this moment, I'm disgustingly happy." Elena confided.

For a moment Damon looked at her so reverently, she wondered if she'd ever seen that expression on his face before. Quickly enough his features smoothed and he was covering his emotions with his special brand of flippancy.

"I'm not surprised," he smirked, tucking a thick lock of hair behind her ear "I have _skills_."

Half-heartedly swatting his arm, Elena laughed out loud "I didn't mean because of that, jackass." Seeing her laugh so uncontrollably caused Damon to join in, the noise blending and filling the room.

The sound of Elena's cell ringing cut into their refuge, completely ending Damon's proposed time of pretending like they had nothing else to think about. Glancing at the screen, Elena groaned inaudibly and put the phone back onto the bedside table, facedown. She wondered if Stefan had some sixth sense to make his presence known every time she wasn't completely miserable.

"It's six in the morning and he's already calling?" Damon complained, checking his watch and correctly guessing who Elena was trying to conceal was attempting to contact her. "Jesus, I thought you asked him for some space." He immediately got out of bed and didn't even bother to hide his disgruntled expression.

"_Damon,_" Elena pacified, bracing herself on her elbows. "I didn't even answer it."

"You're thinking about it though aren't you?" Damon snapped, keeping his voice eerily level as he walked away to the bathroom. "You're already thinking about forgiving the bastard that smacked you around only yesterday."

"So what's your answer, I make the decision to leave him just like that? Overnight?" Elena queried softly, bitterly, watching as he reached into the shower to turn the water on. "We're married, Damon."

Damon lashed out, storming back into the room, his temper fraying "Oh, are you? Because that's not how you were acting about ten minutes ago when you had your legs spread for me."

Flushing, Elena flinched "It's not fair for you throw that in my face."

"I fucking hate this part," Damon deplored, chuckling humorlessly. "when I can actually _feel_ you getting ready to go back to him, working out all the excuses in your mind on why it's the right thing to do." Shaking his head, he threw his arms up and turned away again "Do what you want, Elena, you always do."

Elena shakily released the breath she was holding and covered her face with her hands, the room suddenly uncomfortably quiet without Damon in it. Was that what she did? Make all the efforts to get out of the black hole only to let her brain talk her back into it each and every time? Maybe she'd become so mixed up that she didn't even realize that she was the only one standing in the way of her freedom.

Assuming correctly that it probably wasn't the best idea for Damon and her to be in the same vicinity right now, Elena was very appreciative when she realized that texting Bonnie was now a viable option, her friend thankfully immediately agreeing to meeting up.

They met on the splintered bleachers at their old high school and Elena was glad that Bonnie instantly perceived she wasn't in the mood to talk. For once, Elena was relieved to be in the position of listener as her old friend talked about her troubles, giving Elena a time-out from her own problems.

After a while they settled by sitting together in a comfortable silence, watching as the varsity cheerleading squad trained on the field, practicing their pyramid formation.

"I'm sure the uniforms get smaller every year" Bonnie observed dryly, breaking into Elena's thoughts. "Back in our day …" she teased.

"Oh yeah, 'cause ours were _so_ demure." Elena smirked, remembering a simpler age when who would place cheer captain was the hot issue of the week.

"You know Damon used to come with Stefan to all the games to watch you." Bonnie informed, looking at Elena out of the corner of her eye. "He used to pretend it was for the football team, but let's face it, Damon had zilch interest in school spirit. Besides, Stefan told me."

Elena's head whipped to the side "Stefan knew Damon liked me in high school?" She had never had any indication from her husband that he was aware of any link between his brother and her. Raising her eyebrows, she looked at Bonnie purposely "And nice segue in bringing Damon up, not obvious at all, what's that about?

Bonnie shrugged "I was getting tired of waiting for you to broach the subject. You look like you need to talk and well, honestly, the rumors have been flying around town about how you're spending so much time with the Salvatore you're _not_ married to."

"Shit" Elena cursed, running her hands through her hair and gathering the strands into a fist. "That's all anyone needs right now."

"Eh, I wouldn't worry too much, it'll be a different scandal next week." Bonnie nudged her shoulder into Elena's. "So is it true? Have you and Damon been getting a little more than friendly?"

Contemplating the girl next to her, Elena pulled at her bottom lip with her teeth. Despite having the demeanor of a cynic, Bonnie was genuine, a trait which Elena needed more of in her life. If anyone was going to be trustworthy, it'd be Bonnie, and just like that Elena felt like she had a true friend back.

"What do you think?" Elena inquired, curious at how transparent she actually was to the outside world.

"Oh, I definitely think you two have been bumping nasties" Bonnie calmly retorted.

Staring in shock at her childhood best friend, Elena didn't know whether to howl with laughter or to cry. Instead, she chose to explain what the truth was. She skirted around her issues with Stefan, being as vague as possible as to why her marriage wasn't working, only to say that it wasn't, and that Damon had come back into her life when she needed him most.

Bonnie blew out a blast of air when Elena finally finished speaking "Boy, that is _some_ mess."

"How did you guess it was true?" Elena quizzed. "Nine times out of ten those rumors are false and you're not usually one to buy into them."

"I've been seeing Damon at The Grill more. We don't talk or anything but he spends most of his time there drinking and looking like someone has killed his dog. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he went like that after you left."

Elena could have happily kicked herself for being so self-involved and not understanding that she wasn't only damaging herself and Stefan, but Damon too. "I guess I just thought he'd take it in his stride" Elena expressed, picking at a thread on the sleeve of her sweater. "I mean it's _Damon, _and sure he cares about me and we have fun, but I really have no idea what he wants from me, from_ this_."

"Elena?" Bonnie asked kindly. "Would the decision to leave Stefan be a lot easier if you knew Damon was serious about you?"

Her mind skittering away from truly answering that, Elena made a noncommittal noise. _She_ wasn't even ready to truly examine the depth of how she felt about Damon. "I don't know, it's one factor among many." She stared back at the field, noticing the cheer team had long since gone home. "He's mad at me you know? For not leaving his brother. And it isn't because he wants me to leave Stefan for him, he's never suggested that, but it's because he thinks that's what's best for _me_. He got so angry this morning, even though we never made any promises to each other when we first started something."

"I'm not sure what goes on in his head, Elena" Bonnie sighed. "But I do know you, and you can't go on like this for much longer. You can't be content living two lives, there comes a point when you have to choose one."

"I know," Elena deflated. "I know."

Elena called Stefan when she got back to the boarding house, sitting on the stone garden steps and hoping she'd get some insight into what the right thing to do was.

"_Elena?_" Stefan answered readily.

"You've been trying to get a hold of me." Elena responded indifferently. "I thought we agreed to take some time apart."

_"I know, I'm sorry, I just want you to give me five minutes. That's all I'm asking for._"

Elena pinched the bridge of her nose "Fine, go ahead."

Stefan sighed heavily and Elena could picture exactly what he was doing; sitting in his desk chair, head back and studying the ceiling._"Where are you staying? Are you safe?"_

"It doesn't matter where I'm staying, Stefan. I'm safer wherever I am than I would be with you."

_"I suppose I deserved that._" He was quiet for a moment and then Elena heard him exhale heavily thought the phone_ "I need to apologize to you for so many things, Elena, God so many things. We'd be here all night if I listed them all, so I'm just going to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for destroying our marriage, but I want to do whatever I can to fix it, to put us back together."_

_"_Stefan, if I had a nickel for each time you've said that to me."

_"I get it, I wouldn't believe me either. That's why this time I'll go to rehab. For you and for us."_

Elena head snapped up and she froze. Stefan had never, _never _offered that before. The times she'd begged him to get some help and he'd never even budged an inch, until now.

"_We're not drowning in debt anymore, Elena. I could get the help I need and we could start again, we could have our old life back. We were good once, remember?"_

_"_Well I definitely wouldn't have married you if I didn't think so at one time." Placing her forehead in her palm, Elena tried to recall when she had last been genuinely happy with Stefan. They'd both been so young, so naive. Could they even capture that again with everything that had passed? Did she even want to? A few years ago what he was offering would have been all that she asked for, but now…

Stefan's voice dropped low _"I won't survive losing you, Elena. I see that now. You terrified me when you left and I didn't even know if you'd return. Without you I'd have nothing to live for, I'd be done."_

And there it was. His trump card. If she chose to be selfish now, she'd be destroying Stefan.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Elena, sitting on the sofa in the parlor, stared at the two suitcases that she packed after her call with Stefan and that were now lined up at her feet rather than turn around when she heard him enter. "It's not what you think, Damon."

Walking to stand in front of her, Damon focused furiously at the top of her bent head. "And what exactly is it that I'm thinking, Elena? Enlighten me."

Elena didn't patronize him by pretending she wasn't leaving. "He's going to check himself into rehab, Damon. He's never promised that before, he's serious this time."

"You're a fool." Damon laughed coldly and put his hands behind his neck, tipping his head back.

"We knew this conversation was a long time coming." Elena finally looked up, brushing the remnants of dried tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. "It had to come to a head sometime and most importantly it's not fair on you." She stood up and started to pace, her momentum for reasoning speeding up "What we have is not real life, Damon. We hide away and pretend like that's normal." Throwing her arms in the air, she pointed out "How long could we really keep that going? I mean, I don't even know if you're sleeping with other people."

"Are you still sleeping with Stefan?" Damon bit out grimly, countering her question. He shook his head and strode powerfully over to her, stopping her path by holding her shoulders and sliding his hands up to palm her cheeks "You know what? I don't care if you are or aren't. I'm done playing this game with you where I pretend like I have no stakes in what you choose. So here it is, cards on the table, I'm not being a martyr when I tell you to stay away from my brother, I'm doing it because _I _want you, Elena. All of you, without a time limit."

"Damon" Elena warned, her eyes traitorously tearing up again against her will.

Resting his forehead against hers, Damon pledged "I can't give you the things he can, or any of the prestige, but I can make you happy." His thumbs distractedly rubbed circles over her skin "Leave him, Elena. Be with me, stop running."

"I can't." Elena cried, pushing her hand against her mouth and taking a step back, attempting to keep it together.

Hands slipping from her face, down her arms, Damon pleaded "Why? Tell me why?"

"Because I'm not yours to save. I made my choice when I stood at the altar with him." Elena took a deep breath, calmed and this time it was her who cupped his cheek "You want the truth? My whole heart wishes everything was different, but it's not, so I can't think that way. I can't leave him to rot. Choosing you would be the most selfish act of my life." She smiled bittersweetly and turned away "This time really has to be goodbye, Damon."

Catching her arm so Elena was forced to face him again, Damon admitted fervidly "I _love _you, Elena. I think I always have."

His eyes frantically searching for the response he needed to hear caused a pain to rent through her heart so great that Elena wanted to bend over in half. She bit her lip, glanced down and then sadly looked up again "You shouldn't."

Hurt stained his face and he stumbled back a few steps, letting go of her. The sound of Bonnie's car horn severing through the air gave Elena enough time to leave through the door and put her bags into the trunk. She slid into the passenger seat wiping frantically at her eyes.

"You okay?" Bonnie asked, concerned, placing her hand on Elena's shoulder.

"Don't fucking do this, Elena" Damon yelled, startling them both by appearing and slamming his palm against the windshield. "It'll destroy you if you go back."

Elena turned away, helpless against his expression. "Go Bonnie," she shouted, crying openly now. "Please, just drive."

As Bonnie did what she was asked, Elena watched Damon disappearing in the rear view mirror, his hands on his head.

"If you're making the right decision," Bonnie started, switching the indicator on and turning out from the driveway onto the road "then would it really be hurting this much?"

Looking at her wordlessly, Elena shook her head, paralyzed. "Shit," she breathed. "I can't do it."

"What?

"Damn it" Elena cursed, hitting the dashboard in frustration with a fist. She raised her eyes to the ceiling in contemplation, realized her decision had been made as soon as she had let Damon worm his way back into her life, and then looked at Bonnie "Turn the car around."

"Are you sure about this?"

Elena nodded firmly "Turn it around." Bonnie braked abruptly, spinning the wheel and retreating the way they had just came.

They sat silently in the deserted circular driveway for a few minutes. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that." Elena apologized.

Smiling, Bonnie shook her head "It's fine. As long as you're sure this is what you want now. No going back, right?"

"Right" Elena reiterated, giving her a friend a tight hug and a promise to call her later. Steeling herself, she reentered through the unlocked door and walked through the house, her heels echoing as she looked for the Salvatore she shouldn't want, but needed. She checked the dining room last, finding Damon staring intently into nothing, a empty glass rolling in his hand.

After catching sight of her at the door, Damon stood slowly from his seat at the dining table, his face blank. "What are ... did you forget something?"

"When I told you that the choice to leave Stefan wasn't a simple or quick decision to make, I was wrong." Elena acknowledged, trying to keep herself calm while she explained herself. "It is that simple, and I am that selfish, I've earned it."

Damon cocked his head "What are you saying, Elena?"

Smiling, Elena had to take a breath to get rid of the high after the conclusion she had finally reached. "I'm filing for divorce as soon as I can get to a lawyer. Stefan and I have been over for a long time and I refuse to be the one carrying the carcass anymore."

"What about all the crap he fed you about wanting to change, about rehab?"

Elena shrugged "Doesn't matter if he was telling the truth or not, I don't love him anymore, I just don't. Nothing he can do or say will fix that. And if he wants to go to rehab, it should be for himself anyway."

Damon tentatively moved forward a few steps, a half smile tugging at his lips, sarcasm evident in his voice "I'm over the moon for you, Elena. Is that the only thing you came running back to tell me?"

"Yes." Elena hugged her arms around herself, suddenly apprehensive. "Actually, no. Did you mean it when you said you wanted me to be with you? Only you?"

"Every word you heard out of my mouth was the truth."

"It won't be pretty, Damon. It'll be hard and we'll fight and we'll piss each other off, we always have." Elena caught his gaze and cautioned "It was easy before when it was just a couple of days, but that was not reality."

Damon scoffed "You don't think I understand that, Elena? I know us inside and out, I know the kind of work we'd take. It'd be gritty but it'd be _right_." He closed the final few inches between them and loosely took a hold of her hands, playing with her fingers "You know it won't be like Chicago though, I don't have that kind of money and I'm not my brother. For one, I'll always call you out on your bullshit."

"I was kind of counting on that." Elena laughed. "Believe me when I say nothing from my old life matters, not the money, or the possessions, nothing."

"So, what does this mean?"

Although terrified that she was about to open her heart, start all over from the beginning again, she thought Damon finally deserved to be let in on her secret. Bringing both of his hands flat against her chest, Elena said something she hadn't meant in a long time "I'm pretty sure it means I love you too."

Damon extracted himself from Elena's grip and smoothed her hair over her shoulders. He wasn't letting himself accept what she had professed quite yet. "It's going to be one giant ass leap of faith, you ready for that?"

Smiling at his last ditch attempt to give her an out, Elena swore "I'm 100% in, if you'll still have me."

Convinced, Damon captured her lips with such force she stumbled a few steps before he steadied her, his hands first on her hips and then her back. When Elena stopped for air, all that filled her vision were Damon's eyes, burning and dazed.

"I'm sorry I couldn't say it back right away" Elena guiltily confessed, secretly cherishing the way Damon's hands were still moving all over her, like he suddenly realized she was only his.

Damon crushed her to his chest and walked them back a few paces, sitting them both down onto the chair he'd been on when she had first come in. "Say it again then" he implored into her hair.

"I'm," Elena bit her lip to stop the sentiment overwhelming her, letting the rest of the sentence come out in a rush "in love with you."

Playing with the hem of her skirt as she straddled his lap, Damon stated "I loved you when I was pulling your pigtails in the playground, I _especially _loved you on prom night in my Camaro, and I love you now. I'm also pretty confident I'll love you another thirty years down the road too."

Feeling a reciprocated love, unadulterated and without conditions or limits, was the most incomparable thing he could've given Elena. "Thank you" she breathed into his ear, feeling his arousal growing beneath her. Kissing him once behind the lobe and then twice on his neck, she was delighted that she could make Damon noticeably shiver beneath her.

Swallowing heavily, Damon beseeched "I need to make love to you and not have to worry about you leaving after."

"I'm right here, Damon, I'm not going anywhere" Elena slowly positioned her fingers to unbutton and unzip his trousers, wishing there was a way she could get rid of his doubts for good. After she took out his length and pushed her panties aside underneath her bunched up skirt, she easily guided herself onto him, pressing her lips against his to inhale his rapidly expelled breath. She refused to move for a few minutes, just relishing in the sensation of him being seated so deeply inside her. He stared at her, stunned, and biting her lip she began to grind herself against him, her hips undulating over his.

Damon's hands stayed firmly on the bend of her waist while he nuzzled her cleavage. "You have to slow down, Elena." He stumbled over his words when she pushed down particularly hard onto him "I'm not going to last, you feel too good."

She whimpered as Damon licked a warm trail up from in between her breasts to the hollow of her neck, his grip tightening almost unbearably against her skin. She'd never had him like this, there was something different going on. And suddenly she realized why. Realized that right now Damon was desperate for her. It was in the way his eyes kept shutting involuntarily and the way his breath came in short, hot blasts against her skin.

Wanting to give him this, Elena ordered softly "Let go, Damon." She trailed her fingers along the ridges of his still clothed back, resting her cheek on his shoulder and he came immediately, his face beautiful in his release.

"Fuck_" _Damon leant his head back, eyes closed, shifting but staying inside of her. "I couldn't … you didn't."

"_Hey,_" Elena chastised, directing him to look at her by putting her hand on the back of his neck. "For once this was about you." She pushed his sweaty hair away from his forehead and pressed her lips there, drawing back and smiling peacefully "Besides I owed you one for this morning."

Seeming to be examining and taking in every inch of her face, his eyebrows furrowed when she giggled. "What's so funny?" he questioned uncomfortably.

"You have a tiny muscle right here," Elena ran a finger along a spot on his neck "that always stands out when you're embarrassed or turned on. You've had the tell forever and I think I'm going to make it a mission of mine to make it show up as often as possible."

A smirk finally broke out on Damon's mouth and with his thumb he grazed across Elena's bottom lip "Is that so? You sure have been playing close attention to me."

Elena shrugged "Maybe for longer than you've realized." Wincing a little as she rose off him and stood up, she grinned at Damon's reluctance to remove his hands from her waist. She walked away and looked back over her shoulder "C'mon, let's go cook something extremely unhealthy for dinner."

The next morning as she woke up entangled in Damon's arms and legs after the best night sleep she'd had in a while, she had been prepared for the fear to bubble up about the incoming complete upheaval of her life, but it never came. Sure, she knew there was a mountain of complicated, messy crap to work out - living arrangements and a job for starters - but for the first time she felt like things might just turn out okay. And Jesus Christ, she was_ free_.

The shrillness of the doorbell ringing caused Damon to wake and blink sleepily at her, his unfairly long lashes curving against his skin as he grinned. "Now _this_ I could get used to waking up to for the foreseeable future."

"Someone's at the door, Casanova." Elena said, shoving lightly against his shoulder. "You have to get up and answer it."

"And why does it have to be me?"

Elena glared teasingly at him "Because I'm naked and you're somehow not."

Damon lifted the comforter covering them and feigned curiosity as he looked underneath "_Oh_, you weren't lying." Damon laughed when Elena hit him with one of her pillows, protesting innocently "What? I was just checking." He jumped out of bed just as the knocking started, reminding them of the reason they were up in the first place. He pointed a finger at her "You stay exactly where you are, I'll be right back."

Stifling the urge to smack him on the ass as he walked away, Elena turned over and burrowed into the remaining pillow, wearing a smile she was sure looked as stupid on her as she was imagining.

After ten minutes, and no sign of Damon returning, Elena hung over the edge of the bed to look for the clothes she'd strewn around carelessly last night. She rolled her eyes when her search turned up fruitless and realized that Damon had taken it upon himself to hide them while she'd been sleeping. Shaking her head, she laughed and pulled the white sheet around her, her bare feet slapping against the wooden floor as she walked down the hallway and to the top of the staircase.

"Damon? What's tak-" Elena clutched the bannister, her words hanging unfinished in the air as a chill permeated her bones.

Because there, standing at the front door and staring up at her while she was wrapped only in Damon's sheet, was Stefan.

* * *

**A/N**- Oh Stefan, always being the fly in everyone's ointment. We're getting close to the funeral scene now, about a chapter or so away. And as usual, _thank you_, the fact that any of you takes the time out of your day to read this means so much. Most importantly, a huge amount of gratitude to the amazing Sandra for being my beta and making this story what it is.


	10. Chapter 10

Caught in Stefan's stare, Elena took one step back, changed her mind, straightened her spine and, looking her husband dead in the eyes, she walked down the stairs.

"You know it's really kind of funny that you're here right now, Elena," Stefan observed sedately, his eyes glinting with malice as she reached the two men. He turned to look at Damon in mock confusion "Because my brother just spent the last ten minutes trying to tell me he had no idea where you were. Has Elena been living in your house without you being aware of it, Damon? Is that what's been going on? Because I know you're not stupid enough to be fucking my wife behind my back."

Elena felt Damon's eyes on her, his uncertainty on how they were going to play this permeating the air. She could tell he didn't want to open his mouth and implicate her by admitting anything, but on the other hand he wasn't sure on how to explain this away innocently.

Didn't matter anymore, she decided, it wasn't the way she would have chosen for this to come out, but she was done with the lying. She'd had enough for a lifetime.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this on the doorstep" Elena suggested composedly, clutching the sheet tighter to her chest and taking a step back to let her husband inside. Shutting the door quietly behind him, she faced the younger Salvatore "We need to talk, Stefan."

"You think?" he asked sarcastically, vitriol dripping from his words. "You better have a damn good explanation for this, Elena."

Keeping placid, Elena nodded."I'm going to get changed first and I'll give you all the answers you need."

"I'd say throwing some clothes on would be a good idea, Elena, because right now you're looking like a-"

Damon, who had undoubtedly up until now been trying to keep quiet for Elena's sake, stepped forward "Watch it, baby brother."

Stefan laughed mirthlessly "Oh, that's priceless. _Nice _act, Damon. She _must _have opened her legs to get you to play the gentlemen." Turning away from his brother who had just gone rigid, Stefan settled down into an armchair in the entrance way and faked a pleasant look at Elena "I'll be waiting right here."

Shaking her head imperceptibly at Damon, attempting to signal to him not to follow her because it'd only piss Stefan off more, Elena went back to the bedroom and yanked on the first dress she found in the wardrobe. Pulling her hair into a ponytail, she skipped any make-up application. If she was going to lay everything bare, then it was only fitting she had nothing unnecessary covering her up either.

When she came back down, although the brothers were chillingly silent, they were meeting each other's glares unflinchingly.

Looking at her husband now, sitting with his face set hard, Elena expected to feel dismay or maybe even some misgivings over her choice. Instead her heart remained peaceful, and as if she'd flipped a switch yesterday when she drove back to Damon, she could no longer fathom doing anything different.

"I want to talk to my wife alone, Damon. I don't want you there trying to pollute anything."

Damon looked towards Elena, completely blanking his brother's request "Elena?"

"It's fine, Damon." Elena nodded reassuringly, starting to follow Stefan into the living room. As she passed by Damon, she brushed her hand against his, feeling his fingers involuntary curl towards hers. She hoped he understood Stefan turning up wasn't going to change her mind.

Placing her palm against the door as she shut it, she turned around to find Stefan bracing his arms on the windowsill, his back to her. "Have you been having an affair with my brother?" He asked, his fingernails digging divots into the wood.

Elena sat down, and smoothed the skirt of her dress over her knees. "Yes," she answered honestly. "I have."

Slowly turning around to face her, Stefan nodded "I don't even know where to start. Or what to say. What the hell has gotten into you?"

Not ready to dive in that deep quite yet, Elena asked "How did you know, Stefan? How did you even know where to find me?"

"I apologize. Did me turning up ruin all your sordid plans?" Stefan bit out scathingly. He looked down smirking, and then glanced up again "After we talked yesterday, and I poured out everything to you about how I wanted to change, I called the nursing home to speak to mom. Thought maybe it was the right time while I was turning over this new leaf. So you can imagine my surprise when Mrs. Holbrook thought I deserved to know some things that were being said around town about my wife."

Of course, Elena groaned internally, she should have guessed. Lucy Holbrook was the receptionist at Damon's mother's nursing home and even as a child she remembered the wrinkled crone as being the town's resident busybody. With her lavender sweater sets and cat-eye glasses, Elena could clearly picture the glee on the lady's face when she got to divulge her suspicions to Stefan. It must have made her month.

"At first I didn't even give it a second thought, figured she was losing it in her old age," Stefan continued. "But then I started to remember things. Like the difference in your behavior after you came back from Virginia the first time. And then all the secret phone calls you thought you were so crafty in hiding from me. And what do you know, when I checked your phone bill, Damon's number kept re-appearing. Isn't that just the strangest thing? So I thought I'd take a long shot and come here first to look, I knew you weren't in Chicago. And sure enough, there you were, walking down the stairs like a goddamn whore. Turns out Holbrook was telling the truth."

Elena stared at him stony faced, letting him get out all the frustration he felt was necessary. Right now all he wanted to do was shame her, and she'd let him, if that's what he needed, but she wasn't about to prostrate herself at his feet. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way."

A vein in Stefan's head began to noticeably throb and Elena knew he was being pushed to his limit and was probably desperate for a drink. "You're not even going to try to lie your way out of this? Come on Elena, I want to hear all about how much you regret this. How_ sorry_ you are. I want to hear every dirty, degrading detail."

Elena met his piercing scowl "I'm not going to go through that with you. How would that help anyone? You don't want to hear how it started, or what we did. Not really." However, she wanted to make one point. Appreciating that the the relationship between the brothers was already fractured severely enough without her help, she still didn't want to add to the condemnation on Damon's head. "You should know though that I was the one who pursued something with Damon. I'm the one in a marriage, blame me, not him."

Sighing, Elena stood up and walked closer to Stefan "You're right, I do regret it, I'm sorry for the way it happened. I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I'm not happy that it went down like that. But, Stefan, I don't for a second regret the time I spent with him."

"I don't think I'm hearing you clearly, Elena." Stefan seethed, small droplets of spittle collecting at the corners of his lips. He pointed at his chest "I just discovered that you've been screwing my brother for God knows how long and you have the gall to tell me you're not sorry about it?" Running his hands through the sides of his tawny hair, Stefan inhaled a deep breath and spoke very slowly "How do we even begin to fix this? I don't know how to start getting over-"

"Stefan," Elena interrupted quietly, anxious to explain how there would be no fixing this.

As if he sensed what she was about to say, he barreled on, his hands encircling her wrists. His eyes darted around the room and he licked his lips "Okay. Okay, we can work it out. It wouldn't be fair of me to blame you for one mistake when I haven't been faithful myself. We can do what we already planned, forget it all, start again with a clean slate."

"That's no-"

Stefan stopped her again, seemingly desperately convincing himself as he went. "It's no wonder you acted out, we haven't exactly been great recently. Well, you've got my attention now, Elena."

"Stefan, _stop!_" Elena finally yelled, clenching her hands into fists. "It wasn't a mistake. I want-" She breathed out heavily "Stefan, I want a divorce."

Thumbs tightening against Elena wrists, Stefan's face went slack "You don't- you don't mean that."

"But I do. I don't love you anymore, Stefan. I don't want to try and get through this. We're so toxic together. It's not about Damon, it's about us." Elena continued to try and tug her wrists free "I need to cut the cord before it strangles me."

"No. _Elena,_ I love you. I've always loved you!"

Elena shook her head sadly "No, you don't. You love possessing me. You love the idea of having me as your wife. If you really loved _me_, then you wouldn't have done all that you did."

Stefan constricted his grip on her to the point where it was painful "You don't mean that, he's got you brainwashed."

"I'm in love with him, Stefan. I don't know what else to say." Flint filled his eyes and Stefan started pinching the bones in her wrists with obvious malicious intent. Elena looked at him in shock, struggling as tears from the pain pricked at the corners of her eyes "Let go of me, Stefan." Feeling the tiny bone on the side start to give, she shouted "You're hurting me. _Let me go_!"

Entering unnoticed during the altercation, Damon suddenly appeared beside Elena. "Touch her again," he jeered into his brother's ear, beginning to bend back Stefan's fingers from Elena's skin "and it will be the biggest mistake you'll ever make in your sad, pathetic life."

Stefan took a step back, letting completely go of Elena, his face full of disdain and his chest heaving with repressed rage while Damon inspected the underside of her arms.

Moving up close to his brother, Damon smirked "Not so tough when you have to fight someone who doesn't weigh 100 pounds soaking wet, are you?" Stefan opened his mouth to speak but Damon shook his head "Uh uh. I've been patient enough having to listen to Elena apologize to the piece of shit that you are, so now it's my turn to say something."

"I didn't apologize about us, Damon," Elena corrected, rubbing at the marks on her wrist and wondering how Damon already knew what had been said between her and Stefan.

Damon looked over his shoulder, his face softening a little. "Well you were a hell of a lot more polite than he deserved." As if he was reading her mind, he shrugged at her confused expression "Of course I was listening in. Like I'd leave you alone with him after what he pulled." Stefan stiffened and Damon's attention was drawn back to his brother "Oh yeah, you better believe I know all about how Elena got bruised up."

"You know what? You're welcome to her. I hope you both end up miserable after you've fucked each other dry." Stefan walked backwards a few steps and pointed at Elena "It'll end in tears, Elena. He'll grow tired of you and you'll be left with nothing. He's a viper."

Elena heard the swallow of air Damon took in behind her. That comment coming from his brother, estranged or not, had hit the mark and hurt him. "I'll take my chances, Stefan, I know all too well what life is like with you. And maybe you should get to know Damon again before casting aspersions on his character."

"You need help, Stefan," Damon joined in. "We may never be able to forgive each other, but you're still my blood and I don't want you overdosing or drinking yourself to death when you go back to Chicago."

"He's right, Stefan. You should still go to rehab, that decision shouldn't have anything to do with me," Elena added, knowing it was an impossible wish but hoping Stefan wouldn't leave on these kind of terms. "You still have a life ahead of you."

"Give me a break, like you care."

Chancing a walk into Stefan's space again, Elena's eyes thawed slightly "I do care. We both do."

Stefan threw his head back and laughed. "Fuck you." He looked at Damon " And _fuck_ you." Walking in-between them and deliberately butting into Damon's shoulder as he passed, Stefan injected all the acrimony he could into his parting words at Elena. "I'm going to get the most brutal divorce lawyer I can find and make sure you're left with nothing."

Just before he exited out the door, he turned around with a perverse smile on his face and walked up to Damon "Oh, one last thing." Drawing his fist back, he threw his arm forward, punching Damon squarely in the face and leaving without waiting for the fallout.

Clutching his nose with both hands, blood streaming out between his fingers, Damon stumbled backwards. Elena let out a shriek, and rushed to his side, tugging at his elbow "Christ, Damon, are you okay?"

Damon removed his hands to answer. The flow of blood from his nose gushed down past his lips, smearing on his chin and he hastily replaced his hands again, trying to stem the loss. "Peachy," he mumbled out painfully.

Elena had never been particularly disturbed by blood or nosebleeds, but then again she'd never seen one quite this bad. Stomach roiling, she ordered Damon to stay put and ran to the kitchen. After a fruitless search in the freezer for an ice pack, she had to reluctantly settle on a bag of peas and a few sheets of paper towels.

"Come sit in front of me" Elena directed when she got back to him. Settling down on the floor with her back against the couch, she waited impatiently as he rolled his eyes but did as she asked. "Now lie back" she requested, opening her legs so Damon could sit in between them and rest his head on her chest. Placing the bag of frozen vegetables on the bridge of his nose, she warned "This might sting for a bit."

Wincing until the cold took the edge off the pain, Damon finally relaxed, his eyes closing as Elena played with his hair, brushing it away from his forehead. "How's it feeling now?" Elena asked after a while, trying to pull the peas off so she could get a good look at the injury, pleased that the blood had stopped pouring.

"Unbearable" he answered, nestling his head back into her cleavage and squinting one eye open to inspect her reaction. "I think I'll have to stay here for a while."

Elena laughed when she realized exactly why he was so comfortable, relieved he was feeling well enough to joke. "You asshole," she announced teasingly. "Of course you would use any opportunity to cop a feel."

"Oh, I think you're loving role playing a naughty nurse." Damon reached up, tenderly prodding at his nose "At least it's not broken."

Sighing, Elena resumed threading her hands through his hair "Well, that could have gone better."

"It could have gone worse."

"God, I can't believe he just turned up like that. I thought we'd have more time." Now the worst of it was over, Elena could feel the guilt flood her again. "Damon, I'm so sor-"

"Don't, Elena. Stop fucking apologizing and agonizing over it. You didn't make me do anything. You didn't force me to betray my brother. So I had to take a hit? It was worth it."

Wiping at the stains on her shirt and palms, hating the tacky residue that remained on the skin, Elena couldn't help but think that she had blood on her hands both physically and metaphorically. For now, she'd well and truly killed the relationship between the brothers.

Neither moving from their positions on the floor, Elena took a deep breath and leaned over Damon to kiss his forehead. At least Stefan knew everything now, her future was open, no longer colorless and daunting.

"What about you?" Damon inquired, the tick of his fingers picking at his cuticles giving away his uncertainty. "Second thoughts?"

"Not for a moment."

Damon grinned lazily, finally sitting up and wiping harshly at the flaking dried blood around his mouth and chin. "I'm proud of you, Elena." He cupped her cheek in his hand "You're not broken, you never have been. He may have crushed you, but you survived, and you didn't let him take that away from you again."

Allowing her forehead to rest against his for a few seconds, Elena tried to telegraph without words just how grateful she was for him. She got up slowly, extending her hand to help him up. "What do you think about taking a shower and then going out to dinner tonight?"

"As in out in public?" Damon questioned, rocking on his heels as he jumped up, keeping their fingers intertwined after he stood.

"We can't hide forever, right? Sounds like everyone already knows all the details of our lives anyway."

A charmed look spread over Damon's face "Alright then, let's really give this town something to gossip about."

A few hours gone, Elena stared over the flickering candlelight at Damon finishing his seafood dish. Choosing to abandon The Grill for tonight, Damon had taken her to the only upscale place nearby, a French restaurant just over the outskirts of town.

Troubled, Damon frowned at her plate "You've barely touched your food, Elena. Wasn't it any good?"

"No, it was great. I just lost my appetite." Elena admitted, finally giving up on the pretense of eating and putting her spoon down.

"Let me guess, could that have anything to do with all the people watching us the whole meal, petitioning to be Mystic Fall's answer to Miss Marple?"

Elena felt like she had all the eyes of the room burning into her. "Maybe. Yeah, I guess so." She deflated "It's not like I wanted to flaunt anything, I'm not proud of-. I just wanted to go out to dinner with you." Surreptitiously glancing around the room, she added angrily "I don't get why people care so much. Don't they have their own lives to worry about?"

To her surprise, Damon looked more unruffled than ever "Well for one, Brandy Ocher over there is really getting a kick watching us scandalize everyone because she's never forgiven me for hitting on her sister when I was 14. He paused to waggle her fingers at the lady in question direction, after which Brandy promptly looked the other way and pretended she had been focusing on the art print on the wall. "And Mrs. Greenway over there?" he thumbed behind him "Will always hold beating out her daughter for homecoming queen against you. So she's _loving_ hearing about your ruin."

Making sure he had the room's attention, he smirked as he grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Now I know you've been away for a while but don't tell me you've forgotten when the Mayor's wife ran away with that guy from the band? Or when _whatsherface_ joined that really creepy cult? This whole fucking town is incestuous and nobody will give a shit about us in a couple of weeks."

"You're actually completely right," Elena smiled, straightening in her chair after a second.

Damon coughed and looked down at the just delivered bill for a second "I'm not going to lie though, life may be a little hard for us for a while. If you think that this may get too much-"

"No, I'm ready for whatever is going to be thrown our way." Elena could already feel the disregard whipping through her. Who cared what these people thought? The absolute thrill of relief she'd felt since she'd parted from Stefan was enough of a barrier. She may have a long road in front of her to travel down, both on her own journey and on the one she was taking with Damon, but she had started it, and that was all that mattered right now.

As Damon and Elena made their way out of the restaurant, Mrs. Greenway grinned arrogantly at the rest of her table and reached out to touch Elena's arm as she passed "Elena dear, how _are_ you?"

Gritting her teeth, Elena answered "I'm really good thanks. And you?"

"Oh I'm doing quite well. Is your handsome husband with you?" She looked around innocently, as if she expected Stefan to be hiding behind the potted plants.

"Oh, I'm afraid he's not." Elena cocked her head "By the way, how _is_ your daughter? I don't think I've seen her since homecoming, pity she missed out on that crown." Shooting one last smile her way, Elena left without waiting for a response, an impressed and very amused Damon following behind her.

Stepping out of the front door, Elena sighed and hesitated under the overhang "It's starting to rain kind of heavy, I hope the valet-". She was broken off by Damon hooking her by the waist and walking her up against the brick wall, his hands stroking up her arms. "That got me pretty fucking hot, Gilbert."

"Oh, that does it for you, huh?" Elena teased, laughing and curving her neck so Damon could continue the line of kisses up it with no obstructions. "Me acting like I'm back in high school?"

Damon growled when Elena lightly bit his bottom lip "Maybe."

With a sudden prick of fear in her nerves, Elena dropped her arms from around Damon. "_Stefan_?" she exclaimed, seeing the man too late over Damon's shoulder watching them. "What the hell are you doing here?

Stefan watched with a detached interest as Damon tried to inconspicuously move himself in front of Elena. Focusing back onto her, Stefan stared at Elena intensely "I followed you both here after I changed my mind."

"Changed your mind about what, Stefan?" Elena felt her mouth start to dry and the fear begin to rise to another height. She knew that look in his eyes. He wasn't just upset. He was upset and under the influence of a heavy duty cocktail mix of booze and pills. Obviously he'd been indulging since he'd left them this morning."

Looking blank, Stefan shook his head "About you getting your happy ending. Allowing my brother to have what I can't."

"He's high" Elena whispered into Damon's ear. "You don't understand, when he's like this he gets erratic. We need to leave."

Stefan, obviously further provoked by Elena conversing with his brother, started to snap "But it's never been me, has it Elena? Not really." He looked at her and spat "I know you felt like you were settling when you married me. It's always haunted me, driven my indiscretions, that you chose me out of everyone because I was the _safe_ option. And as for you," he glanced over to his brother "You've aways been the one people love the most. Mom, _my wife, _everybody in high school_. _No matter what I did, they all wanted_ you_. And _that's_ why I hate you."

"You're right, Stefan. That's not fair. It was a shitty hand." Damon sympathized, edging to the side to draw Stefan's attention elsewhere from Elena. "Why don't we get in my car, take a drive and we can talk some more?"

While Stefan's eyes flashed, Elena tugged at Damon's arm "Damon, are you crazy? We can't get in a car with him, he's obviously not stable right now."

Speaking out of the corner of his mouth, Damon muttered "I know, precisely why I'm trying to get him away from you. _You're_ not going anywhere, _I_ am."

"Alright brother," Stefan slurred, his eyes bleary "I can't wait to hear the bullshit you're going to come up with. Let's go have a bonding experience. We can share tips on how to please Elena in bed."

"Call Alaric to pick you up straight away," Damon ordered, kissing Elena's cheek and getting the car keys out of his pocket. "Go straight home."

Elena grew panicky "Damon don't, let's just call the police or leave him here."

Shaking his head, Damon said "We can't just leave him here, God knows what he'd get up to. And _whatever_ you do, don't call the police. My brother just told me he hates me, maybe I have a chance of making this halfway right, and getting him leave us alone, if I can get him to listen. We don't want him hanging over our heads indefinitely. The cops will only take him in if we call." Stroking a thumb, down her cheek, he warned "Stop worrying, I'll be back before you know it."

"Stefan, let us take you back home," Elena pleaded, the uneasy feeling she was experiencing filling her. She resorted to begging "You and I can have another talk.

"No, I think I'm going to go with Damon's offer," Stefan grinned cruelly, pleased to see her discomfort. "We'll have fun."

Damon squeezed her hand once and let her go, stepping out into the downpour and getting into the driver's seat while Stefan dropped in next to him. As Elena watched the taillights disappear down the road, she dialed Alaric, swallowing back a sob of fear.

Two hours later, Alaric and Elena sat next to each other on the sofa at the boarding house, the television on with nobody watching it.

Alaric took his cell down from his ear and shook his head "Still can't get through. Have you tried Stefan?"

"Continuously, neither of them are answering." Elena ran her hands through her hair, yanking at the ends "I _knew_ I should have done more to stop them leaving. Something's not right, Ric. This isn't right."

"We'll give them another thirty minutes and if they're still not home then we'll call the police. Screw what Damon told you."

Elena nodded thinking that Damon being angry was a small price to pay if it meant she knew he was safe. To stop herself from checking the phone and her watch every other minute, she stared at where the droplets of blood from earlier had forever tarnished the hardwood floor. Disrupting her, a volley of knocks sounded at the door and Elena was up and across the floor, sick with relief that they were home, before she realized that, if it was Damon, he wouldn't be knocking.

Flinging open the door, Elena actually felt the blood drain from her face when she found two policemen on the other side.

"Mrs. Salvatore?" The older, greying officer questioned, his face grave.

"Yes?"

The younger detective avoided her eyes while his partner continued to speak "May we come in?"

Ears ringing, Elena braced herself on the doorframe, her body numb "Oh God. What happened? Please just say it. Just tell me."

"I regret to inform you there was a car accident." He glanced down at his notepad and licked his lips "And Mr. Salvatore was declared dead on arrival."

"Which one?" Elena cried, bringing her hand up against her chest, trying to massage the pain. "_Which one_?"

* * *

**A/N- **Oh boy, I feel guilty for that cliffhanger, but it needed to be left on that note. Next chapter we'll have reached present day. As usual Sandra (dutch_treat) has been an invaluable gift in helping me mold this into something readable, really can't thank her enough.

And to all that read this, _thank you, _it still staggers me that people enjoy my writing. :)


	11. Chapter 11

_Elena sighed and scratched at the mosquito bite above her kneecap "We could make lemonade. Try and sell it again?"_

_"Nah," Stefan mumbled, stretching out on his back in the tall grass behind the Shop 'N__'__ Save. "Too much work."_

_Murmuring her agreement, Elena stared up into the robin egg blue sky. The unrelenting sun beating down caused little droplets of sweat to collect on her arms and mix with the dirt below, smudging grime up and down her skin. Being the height of summer, it was around t__he__ time __that __t__hey__ had gotten over the novelty of no school and boredom was rapidly overtaking Mystic Falls._

_"Damon said that you shouldn't do that." Elena warned, scrunching her nose up as she watched Stefan start to __try and__ swallow the lump of bubble gum __that__ he had been chewing on. She rolled onto her stomach and started plucking out blades of grass, twisting them in her hands "He told me that if you eat your gum one day it all __just__ explodes out of your stomach and then you die."_

_Stefan shrugged good-naturedly and spat the wad out of his mouth onto the ground next to him._

_"Ew, Stefan" Elena cringed, grossed out in the way only young girls can be. She was getting a little sick of hanging out with just boys __since__ her two best friends __had__ left her at the beginning of Summer for camp. "I miss Caroline and Bonnie."_

_"Caroline talks too loud," Stefan complained__.__ "I'm glad they're not here anyway. I don't want to hang out with a bunch of girls."_

_Irked, Elena sniffed "I'm a girl."_

_"Yeah, but you're Elena. It's different."_

_Elena went back to scratching her bite__,__ but accepted his explanation without further __question__. Turning their heads when they heard the stamping of feet, the crunching of grass underneath, Stefan blinked up owlishly as his big brother came into view._

_"I knew you two losers would be hiding out here," Damon smirked down at them, his knees scabby from too many failed attempts at learning how to ride a skateboard and his hair disheveled from his insistence on never getting a haircut. "Why are you guys all by yourselves?"_

_"Tyler Lockwood wouldn't let us join his baseball team because he didn't think Elena should be allowed to play," Stefan admitted shamefaced, his urge to not __disappoint __his sibling strong. "And Matt just let him be mean to us."_

_Damon's forehead scrunched up "Donovan has always been a little wuss." His eyes almost too vivid for a child his age, Damon asked "So you stuck up for Elena and didn't leave her behind?"_

_Stefan looked unsure of how he should answer. "Yeah," he shrugged._

_"You did good, little bro," Damon's face lightened __up __and he stuck out his hand to help them off __of __the ground. "Come on, I'll toss a ball around with you."_

_Standing, Stefan waited for Elena to get __up too__. "Really?" he asked eagerly. Damon had been gradually reaching the point where he'd decided he was getting too cool to hang out with his little brother and it was a rare occasion when he'd offer. "And Elena can come too?"_

_"Of course, nerd face," Damon reached over and rubbed his knuckles on Stefan's head, laughing when his brother tried to jump away. He swung a loose arm around Elena and tugged at her crooked ponytail "Her pitching arm is better than yours any day of the week."_

_Laughing and sticking her tongue out at Stefan, Elena gratefully accepted when Damon offered her a piggyback ride, his grey shirt bunching under her hands as they slowly made their way back to the Salvatore estate._

_"Damon," Stefan tentatively started, looking very concerned "will I really explode because I swallowed my bubble gum?"_

"Elena. _Elena?_"

Elena flinched, coming out of her daze to realize the service had already finished. "Sorry," she apologized, noting that the accusing look she had expected in his eyes wasn't there, or was just very well hidden. She reached up to run her fingers through her hair before remembering at the last second she had twisted it into a bun that morning "I was thinking about when we were kids." Taking a look around she saw she was one of the last people still sitting on the pews, only a handful of other people were left in the room, all leaving out of the back of the church. "Where's your mother?"

"Ric is taking her home, she's not up to making the wake."

Lack of sleep causing tiny pinpricks to stab behind her eyes, Elena rested her forehead into her palm "Did you see the minister's face when he realized neither of us were going to get up and give a speech? He was disgusted."

"I'd say he pretty much echoes the rest of the town's sentiments right about now. But it's not like they would have been happier if we did say something."

Elena glanced up, surprised at the sensation of feeling so removed but still being able to be conscious of such a large amount of pain at the same time. "Damon I-"

Damon, still showing visible signs of injuries on the skin that wasn't covered by his suit, rubbed his hands aggressively over his face and sat down close, studying her. "You look like shit, have you been eating?" He cocked his head sideways "I mean, fuck, Elena, I don't even know where you've been staying. You could have gone back to Chicago for all I knew."

"I've been staying with Bonnie." Elena stared at him emptily "I told Alaric to let you know I was fine. I thought it was for the best for me to stay out of your way until-"

Letting out a emotionless chuckle, Damon prompted "Until what? Until you could continue to ignore all your problems, pretend like nothing has happened? Bury your head in the sand just like you always have?"

"I was giving you what you wanted, Damon. I was doing what _you_ had asked," Elena snapped, too frustrated to even cry, the stained glass windows casting prisms of light dancing over their faces.

_Elena clutched her purse tighter to her chest, trying to keep herself alert enough to follow the directions written on the hospital walls. She twisted on her heel and was just about to turn another corner when a familiar face walking up the hallway caught her eye._

_"Thank God," Alaric groaned, "I've been looking for you everywhere." He rubbed at the side of his temple and touched her arm "How are you? Did it go okay?"_

_"I ID'd the body," Elena recited flatly. The image and smell of her husband lying out on a __stainless steel__ slab was something she was sure she'd be haunted with for the rest of her life. "I guess that makes me a widow now." She shook her head, pulling herself together, knowing the night wasn't done putting her through hell yet "And Damon? He's still in a stable condition?"_

_Nodding, Alaric gently __nudged__ her to start walking "Yeah. The doctors didn't give much away, but they said he got pretty lucky. Some severe cuts and bruises, but so far nothing life threatening. We're just waiting on the test results, I'm sure under the circumstances they'll be able to tell you more __than__ they did me."_

_They paused outside a hospital room and Elena swiveled her eyes to Alaric's, desperate for any guidance. "Just be there for him, Elena. You're going to need each other more than ever now."_

_She nodded, pressing the backs of her hands to her cheeks to try and cool her skin before opening the door and taking a step inside. Damon lay on the bed, his face and arms scraped up, but not anywhere near as bad as she'd been imagining. His head __turned__ to look when she entered and she was almost physically ill with relief that he was awake._

_"Damon, I- Oh God," Elena hurried to his side, flattening her palm against her stomach to take in a deep breath. "How are you feeling?"_

_"Elena?," Damon murmured indistinctly, his eyes squinting and trying to focus. "What happened? Why am I in the hospital?"_

_Taking his hand in her hers, she skimmed her thumb over his bruised knuckles "You were in an accident, Damon. Do you remember getting in the car with Stefan after dinner?"_

_Damon, seeming to be becoming more cognizant, started to struggle to sit upright "Yeah. Yeah, I do." Licking his lips, Damon began to piece together what he could remember "Stefan was mad and we went for a drive and then-." He broke off and looked intensely at Elena "How's he doing? Did they have to bring him in?"_

_Elena's face fell and she could only manage to shake her head helplessly. Watching his jaw clench as the impact of what she was trying to express hit him, her heart splintered when he dragged his hand out of her grip. "Damon, I'm so sorry."_

_"We did this," Damon spoke, colorlessly and quietly. "We killed him." He turned his head to the side, looking away from her, and trying to hide a grimace as he shifted "I think you should leave. I can't do this right now."_

_"Please don't push me away, Damon. You shouldn't be alone," Elena pleaded. This was something she hadn't foreseen, she'd expected Damon to be strong and, in turn, for her to be able to be strong for him, but now it seemed he wouldn't even give her that opportunity. The only bright light __of hope __that had guided__ her through the last few hours had just flickered and then gone out._

_"Elena, please."_

_At a loss, cold and isolated, Elena nodded and turned away. She exited into the hallway and pressed her shaking fingers to her mouth, sitting down slowly next to Alaric on the chairs outside._

_"That was quick, was he asleep?"_

_Shellshocked, Elena shook her head "Um, no. He didn't want me in the room."_

_Alaric drew back slightly in surprise. "Elena, I'm sure he didn't mean that. You know how bad he is at trying to wrap his mind around something."_

_"He can't even look at me, Ric. His brother died and that's all he can see in me now. He won't be able to forgive that, we'll always be tainted." _

_Sighing, Alaric put an arm around Elena's shoulder and drew her to his side "What are you going to do?_

_"I love him, I have to stay until I know for sure he'll be okay." She bit her lip, trying to beat back the pain throbbing up her spine and into the back of her eyes "I have nowhere else to go."_

Damon ran a hand over the top of his head. "Christ, Elena. I don't even remember what I said to you, the time after I woke up is a big blur. Ric told me you stayed until I was discharged and that you left to give me space. I had no idea what to think."

Hugging her arms tighter around herself, Elena remembered the cold night sleeping on the plastic chair outside his room, too terrified to go inside again and be dismissed. "I get it though, I can't blame you for thinking like that."

"I'm only going to say this once, Elena. I don't blame you for my brother's death. I didn't that night and I don't now." Damon curled his fingers around the top of her arm to make sure he had her full attention "When I asked you to leave, I was half out of it on the meds they had pumped into me, wasn't sure how to deal with the news, and was trying to push my pain onto you. This wasn't your fault."

"It's not on your shoulders either," Elena proclaimed.

Damon removed his hand, suddenly looking uncomfortable at the contact. "Elena, he grabbed the wheel. I told the cops we skidded on the wet asphalt, but the crash was on purpose. Stefan wrestled the wheel out of my hands and deliberately drove us into that wall."

"Oh my God," Elena blanched, shock and alarm vibrating through her. "What was he thinking? Did he want to-"

Shrugging, Damon hid the flash of pain in his eyes well "Kill me? Yeah, yeah I think he did. And he just didn't care anymore what happened to him in the process."

However low Stefan had sunk before, the fact he had been inclined to cause the possible death of his brother was beyond belief for Elena. She had grown up with this man, loved him at one time, and for him to be capable and disturbed enough to consider something like that was horrific.

"When they came to the door to tell me about the crash my first gut instinct was to pray it wasn't you," Elena confessed guiltily, hanging her head. "I didn't want Stefan to die, but I couldn't even conceive the other option. How awful does that make me? Wishing for it to be my husband that had been killed."

Damon struggled with a response. He groaned and tiredly shook his head "Everything is so fucked up, I don't even know where to begin. We have a lot to talk about, but for right now we need to get through the rest of today, okay?"

Murmuring in concurrence, Elena sighed and gathered her purse. "We better stay apart at the wake, but will I see you after?"

"Yeah, stay close to Bonnie. Don't let anyone get to you, you hear me?"

She nodded reluctantly and watched as he made the move to hug her, but changed his mind at the last minute, settling on a pat on the shoulder. All she could think about and feel now was the ocean that had been put between them. The tragedy had caused a disconnect and she had no idea how to go about repairing it. Or whether they had enough left in them to even try.

Elena stepped out of Bonnie's car when they arrived at the boarding house, balancing on one hand the plate of deviled eggs she'd brought to add to the offerings the guests were bringing. Walking into the front room, she could feel the eyes turn and her stomach dropped at the sight of most of the town's inhabitants who had already gotten there before her. She kept her head down as she walked past the numerous floral arrangement to the table where she could drop off her food, drawing warmth from Bonnie who stayed stoically at her elbow the whole time.

As the chatter began to rise to a normal volume again after her entrance, she let Bonnie guide her to a corner. Elena instinctively searched for Damon, finding him on the opposite side of the room talking to the mayor and Alaric.

"Doesn't look like_ he's_ being tarred and feathered much," Bonnie observed bitterly, guessing who Elena's thoughts were on."They've all branded that scarlet letter smack on your forehead but he's free to have a heart-to-heart with the goddamn mayor."

It seemed like everyone had turned up to pay their respects to the handsome high school quarterback who had gone out and made it big, had made their small town proud. And wasn't it such a senseless tragedy that his life had been cut short like that? All because his little wife couldn't stay faithful. Elena didn't try to correct anyone's assumptions. From here on out Stefan Salvatore was going to be whitewashed as a Mystic Falls legend.

"It's not Damon's fault," Elena excused heavily. "People are eager to have a scapegoat, they want to pin most of the blame on me. They've absolved Damon for being easily led, for falling for my evil seduction. They're going to believe what they want. And you know as well as I do that if Damon knew I was taking the fall he'd set everyone straight, and that's just not a scene we need right now."

Bonnie relented, "Why don't we go home, Elena? You've shown up, you don't have to put yourself through anymore."

"No, I'll stay. I'll stay for the Stefan I married. For the Stefan we grew up with." There was still a part of Elena that needed to mourn him.

Although no one dared to approach her directly, the majority of people spoke loud enough around Elena to make sure she was crystal clear on their view points. After another half an hour of pretending not to hear the derision focused on her and how Stefan's achievements in high school and Chicago grew more impressive and more fabricated with each passing of a anecdote, she knew she was on the verge of snapping.

"Proud are you?" A thin voice sounded behind them. "Did it feel good to cause a rift like that between brothers?"

Elena and Bonnie spun around at the same time to come face to face with an older lady Elena barely recognized. A friend stood by her side, eagerly nodding at anything the woman said.

"I would shut my mouth if I were you," Bonnie growled, careful to keep her voice low so as not to attract any other attention. "If you weren't so old and dried up maybe you could recall that Stefan and Damon didn't get along way before Elena came back. But you keep spewing your manufactured hatred by all means." Effectively silencing them for the time being, Bonnie took Elena by the arm and got her out into the empty hallway. "Okay, it's time to go. You say you don't blame yourself for his death, Elena, but it's obvious you do. The Elena I knew wouldn't sit there and take what you just had to endure for the last couple of hours, she would have given them hell, but you didn't, because deep down you feel like you deserve it."

"Bonnie, I don't know what I feel. It's like I haven't taken a breath since the accident. It's been one thing after the other and I can't sleep or think straight or move forward. I just want five seconds of the world not spinning." Elena pressed a hand to her forehead, trying to fight back another spell of the now familiar dizziness.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Bonnie sighed sympathetically "I know. And that'll come. But you need to calm down, you panicking like this is not exactly good for the condition you're in." Bonnie's expression changed as she glanced over Elena's shoulder and she suddenly looked intensely uncomfortable. "Damon, what are you doing out here?"

"I saw that you were both leaving," Damon replied, staring strangely at Elena as she turned around to look at him. "I wanted to make sure you were alright. Elena, I thought we were going to talk when this was over? And what condition are you in exactly?"

Straightening her stature, Elena took in a deep breath and looked over at Bonnie "I'll meet you back at home?"

"You sure you want to do this now?"

Elena's lips went thin and white but she nodded firmly. Bonnie took one last penetrating look at Damon before hugging Elena and leaving them alone.

"Can we talk upstairs?"

Damon who looked paralyzed, finally agreed and motioned with his hand to the stairs, following Elena up to his bedroom.

Forcing herself not to remember the last time she was in this room, Elena waited for Damon to take a seat while she walked over to the window to stare out onto the grounds, her back to him. "I'm pregnant," she announced, trying to keep the revelation as clinical as possible.

Damon was silent for a long time. "Is it mine?" he eventually quietly inquired.

Recoiling at the bluntness of the question, Elena ran her fingertip along the windowsill before turning around to look at him.

"Sorry," he recanted, his blue eyes flat, like he hadn't taken in what she had said yet. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"No, it's a fair question," Elena allowed painfully. "But yes, it's yours, there's no doubt." Awkwardly glancing away, Elena informed "I didn't have sex with Stefan again after you and I first slept together." A harsh lull blanketed the room once more, one Elena wasn't equipped to fill because she didn't know what to say about the situation any more than Damon did.

"How? I don't- You were on the pill."

Elena watched as Damon went through the same motions she had when she'd finally had to accept why she was exhibiting all the classic symptoms of pregnancy. "I was. The doctor said the effectiveness probably got screwed up that time I had food poisoning for a couple of days. I should have known, I was feeling exactly the same as when-". Trailing off, Elena decided it wasn't the time to reference her last pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage.

"Are you going to keep it?"

Scoffing in disbelief, Elena couldn't quite believe the impersonal way Damon was firing out questions. It was if she'd just told him something trivial that didn't concern him in the slightest. "I haven't had a second to think about it to be honest, Damon. How about I send a courtesy text your way when I decide?"

"Real cute, Elena." Damon spat, looking up, and to her relief she caught a flare of anger in his eyes. Finally some emotion. "I'm just trying to work out why I'm only finding out about this now and only because Bonnie opened her big mouth. How long have you known?"

"Since the day after the accident. I'd been feeling off for a while and I got particularly woozy that day. Alaric thought while I was already at the hospital I might as well get checked out. They did some blood work and that's when I was told." Elena crossed her arms over her chest defensively "So I haven't even known that long. And let's be honest, if you wanted to really find out where I was staying after you got discharged, you would have. I'm not the only one who hasn't been forthcoming."

Standing up, Damon took a few steps closer to Elena. "I'm sorry, _Elena_. I've been kind of preoccupied with trying to get the image of my brother's brain matter splattered all over me out of my mind," he barked, pointing his finger to his chest.

Elena lowered her eyes. Although they had been estranged, even after what Stefan had caused, Damon was hurting keenly over the loss over his brother. Damon had to live with the fact that his sibling's last act was something that was driven by the sheer amount of hatred Stefan had felt towards him. And Elena just couldn't see how that wouldn't smear and stain their life together. She may not have lost Damon in the crash, but that didn't mean he wasn't lost to her all the same.

Damon sagged, remorse filling his features as he sat back down "Shit, I didn't mean to say that." He looked down at his hands "How are you feeling? What did the doctor say about your health?"

"Apart from some pretty brutal morning sickness and having to make sure I eat enough, I've been okay." Elena chose not to divulge how the recent stress had pretty much knocked her sideways. "Damon," she started slowly, joining him on the side of the bed "I wish I had some answers, but I'm as lost as you. We never discussed anything like this. Not children, not marriage, not a future. How can I begin to think about us as parents when we barely even had a day of being in a real relationship. I mean look at how we started."

Damon contemplated her intensely for a few minutes. "Elena, did you say you loved me because I was your ticket out of the hell hole you lived in with Stefan or because you were actually in love with me? Because he's gone now, you don't need me to escape him anymore."

Before she could stop herself, Elena reached out and cracked her palm across his cheek, the resulting sting on her palm mirroring the sting in her heart. "_Jesus_, Damon. How long have you been thinking that of me? That I was using your love like that? I didn't want anyone to save me. I fell in love with you because of _you_, not because I needed a way out." Her rapid breathing slowed as the anger bled away and she observed guiltily as Damon massaged his jaw. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lashed out like that."

"It's fine"

They sat in silence side by side for what seemed like hours before Damon spoke again "Where do we go from here?'

"I don't know, Damon. I have no idea."

* * *

**A/N- **Come on, as if I could do that to you guys and kill off Damon! Still, their relationship is far from being a bed of roses. Stefan's death and the unexpected pregnancy will cause some issues.

I'm still trying to reply to some of the reviews on the last chapter, but I thought you wouldn't mind if I updated first. :)

Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for still reading this story and hope you all enjoy. And a very, very special thank you to my beta Sandra xx


	12. Chapter 12

It felt like it had all happened so suddenly. One minute she'd been trying to deal with the absolute desolation of finding her husband in bed with another woman for the first time, and the next thing she knew she was trying to cope with a miscarriage, her life being forever altered.

And now she was pregnant again.

What if she let herself accept she was carrying Damon's child, and the same thing happened? She didn't know if she could run the risk of facing another loss. Yet every time she'd had a free second over the last couple of days, her mind had wondered what it would be like, to give life to something that was part of her and Damon. They hadn't talked since the bitter argument they'd had in his bedroom three days ago, and she lay awake at night wondering if he was coping, because she sure as hell wasn't. And the things that had been left unsaid and undecided between them needed to be addressed desperately before everything completely crumbled to dust in her hands.

Realizing she had been staring at the soapy water in the kitchen sink for the last five minutes, Elena sighed and stuck her hand in to take out the plug. She checked the clock on the wall and mentally calculated the time, understanding it would be too late to call Chicago. She'd been meaning to get in contact with the lawyer that had been handling Stefan's will. On top of Damon and the pregnancy she knew she had to plan a trip back to Illinois in the near future. She had their house to sort out, all of his things to deal with, needed to tie the loose ends of the life she had left behind.

"Hey, Elena?" Bonnie called softly, appearing in the doorway and restlessly pulling her loose sweater tighter around her. "There's someone in the living room who wants to see you."

Not even attempting to guess who was visiting, Elena dried her hands on the dish towel and scraped her hair back into a ponytail, following Bonnie out into the hallway and through the door. She froze as she took in the sight of the figure sitting awkwardly on the vinyl couch. "_Jeremy?_" she uttered in disbelief, blinking as if expecting him to disappear, the brother she hadn't talked to in years.

Jeremy rose, and paused when Elena took a step back. "In the flesh," he grinned sheepishly, still having a hint of boyishness around the eyes.

"I don't-" Elena started, bewildered from shock. She looked at Bonnie who only shrugged while slipping back out the door and closing it, leaving the siblings to their privacy. "What are you doing here?" Elena eventually settled on asking.

Waiting for Elena to sit opposite him, Jeremy sat back down, his hair flopping in front of his eyes just like it had always done when they were growing up. "Damon called me," he replied, tapping his fingers on his cellphone. "Thought I might be needed."

Elena waited for the shockwaves to dissipate from finding out that Damon had contacted her brother for her. "I don't know why he would think that," she finally coldly replied, confused on how to act. "I can only apologize for a wasted trip."

To her surprise, Jeremy's mouth widened into a smile. "Even as a kid you were stubborn as hell, good to see not much has changed." His eyes, which exactly matched hers in color and shape, softened "Damon told me about Stefan."

"And what precisely did Damon tell you about Stefan?"

"Just that he had passed away in a car accident. That's all he mentioned. And that you would probably want some family around you. I'm so sorry for your loss, Elena."

Shaking her head wryly, Elena wasn't sure if Damon was trying to palm her off on a lost relative or had genuinely contacted Jeremy in her best interests.

"I'm married," Jeremy spoke with forced cheer after Elena remained quiet, trying to fill in the awkward silence. "You have a niece and a nephew, twins." He fumbled in his back jean pocket and pulled out a worn brown leather wallet. "Do you want to see pictures?"

Stunned that she was only finding this information out now, Elena reached out a hand to accept the passport sized photos he was offering. He moved to sit next to her, ignoring the way she tensed as he got close.

"That's Anna, my wife" Jeremy pointed out a pretty girl in her mid-twenties, with black hair and almond eyes, who was grinning into the camera. "And these are Sarah and Ryan, my babies."

Elena ran her thumb over the faces of the young children, a small smile on her face, even as her heart constricted "God, they're the spitting image of mom. How old are they?"

"Three. Complete monsters at that age." Jeremy halted, looking confused "Although you may already know that, or did you and Stefan not have any children?"

"No, we didn't." Elena replied stonily, quickly handing him back the photographs. "Look, Jeremy, I appreciate you have this whole life now I know nothing about, but I'm not sure why you suddenly decided this was a good time to get back in contact, even if you did feel pressured by Damon."

Jeremy shook his head "I didn't feel pressured by him. In fact, I've been wanting to make that first step for years now, but I wasn't sure how you'd take it."

"Going by the kind of person I was just a few months ago, probably not well," Elena answered drolly. She shifted to look her brother in the eyes "Years ago I sent you a wedding invitation that went unanswered, Jeremy. Before that you could barely stay on the phone with me for more than a few minutes. I don't know what I did to make you not want to know your sister anymore, but I accepted it a while back, and you don't have to feel guilty about it now."

Nodding, Jeremy ran a hand through his hair and chewed on his lip "Whatever I have to say is going to sound a lot like excuses, but believe me it was all on my side, you never did anything wrong." He sighed "When Mom and Dad died and I fell into the drug spiral, you were the only one who realized I had to get out of town to survive. So even though you were barely dealing with your own grief, you did everything in your power to make sure I was in the best place I could be. At first I was really angry at everything, at myself, at the world. And while I got sober, the shame started to grow. I was too embarrassed with myself to talk to you, to hear in your voice how I had left you to deal with everything on your own because I was weak."

Interrupting, Elena disagreed vehemently "You weren't weak, Jeremy. We just handled it in different ways. You know I never held it against you that you needed to move away."

"Maybe I see that now, but back then, as the months went by, it got harder and harder to try and reconnect, until I just let you slip away. And I regret that I didn't fight that, I really do."

Tired of holding more animosity and negativity in her after years of that with Stefan, Elena relaxed, her heart opening up a little. "What about now?," she inquired. "Are you still clean, are you happy?"

"Haven't touched anything since before I met Anna," Jeremy promised proudly. "Having a family has made me happier than I'd ever imagined."

"I'm glad," Elena smiled bittersweetly at all that she'd missed out on with her last remaining family member, at all that she hadn't had in her own life. "Really I am."

Jeremy's eyes darted around the room, obviously trying to work out how broach a subject. "So I feel like there's something going on here that I'm in the dark about. With you, Damon, and how Stefan died."

Studying Jeremy carefully, Elena withdrew "There's a lot you don't know. A lot most people don't know." She acquiesced "I'd like to get to know you again, Jer. But we can't just jump into the deep end. Are you- I mean, how long are you out here for?"

"As long as you want," Jeremy replied, happy to finally have a positive answer to give. "Anna and the kids know how important this is. I can take as much time off work as I need."

Elena briefly wondered if she was doing the right thing giving another person the potential to get close to her, before remembering she was done shutting everyone out. "Okay," she agreed quietly "we can try taking it day by day." Checking her watch, she felt the heavy weight of fatigue fall on her. She stood, collected a throw and pillow from the armchair to hand to him "It's late, we should get some sleep. Bonnie won't care if you stay on the couch tonight."

In the end, Jeremy remained for the next week, and in that time he and Elena kept the dialogue flowing. They recalled their childhood, and discussed the long stretch of time spent apart that had come after that. And eventually, inescapably, the truth about her past with Stefan, and consequently the association with his brother all spilled out in bits and pieces. It was all just as healing as it was painful.

Elena had to give it to her brother, he took the whole chronicle, complete with every climax and pitfall, in stride without batting an eyelash. The only thing she kept to herself was the pregnancy. Until she had figured out what she wanted to do in her own mind and with Damon, she didn't need anyone else's input.

"Don't forget to call me when you get home, okay?" Elena requested, raising an eyebrow and tapping Jeremy's freshly printed-out plane ticket onto her palm.

"You're having no trouble at all falling back into the bossy big sister attitude, are you?" Jeremy grinned, grabbing the ticket from her when she paused to answer.

Returning his smile, she punched him playfully on the arm. "It's just like riding a bike," Elena quipped.

They waited for his suitcase to get checked and then walked over to where she would have to say goodbye. Sobering, Jeremy waited until he had her full attention. "I can stay longer if you want, Elena. I know this will take some time to feel like normality again."

"No, Jer. You should be back with your wife and children and I have to start standing on my own two feet." Elena smiled softly "I don't know how to thank you for staying, it was really nice to have some family around me again."

"Whatever went on between you and Stefan, it doesn't change the fact you still lost someone who pretty much has always been in your life. It's okay to need people to get through it, Elena."

"I know, I have Bonnie-"

Jeremy interrupted knowingly "And you have Damon."

"Yeah … I'm not so sure about that."

Blowing out a short burst of air through his lips, Jeremy gave her a crooked smile "That's really not what it sounded like when he called me." He rolled his eyes playfully "I'm not exactly thrilled to be taking the side of Damon Salvatore, the guy who gave me a wedgie at least once a day in third grade, but he tracked me down purely because he trusted I would be the best person to be there for you. And he lost his brother, Elena. He obviously didn't want you to lose yours forever, too."

It was good to hear an outsider's view on where Damon psyche was at right now. As his gate number was called, Elena leant forward and stood on her tiptoes to hug him around the neck. "Thanks, Jeremy." He returned the hug and heaved his backpack on, belatedly returning her punch on the arm.

"Remember phone calls every other Thursday," Elena prodded, pointing at him in warning as he moved away.

Jeremy saluted as he started walking backwards "And you're going to come out and visit as soon as you can, deal?"

"Deal," Elena agreed, waving one final time as he disappeared into the crowds and through his gate. Smile slowly falling from her lips, Elena realized now without the distraction of reacquainting with her sibling, there was one thing she couldn't keep putting off. It was time to face things head on.

On any other day Elena would have been happy to see Alaric answering Damon's door, but now, already feeling ill with what she suspected were nerves, she wished life would have thrown her a bone by at least letting her find Damon home alone.

Alaric noticeably winced as he took her in, standing on the doorstep. "Elena, hey," he checked back over his shoulder before waking further outside, almost closing the door behind him.

"Is he home?" she inquired wearily, not bothering to preface her question with a name.

"Yeah, he is, but-." Alaric switched his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "But maybe now's not the best time, and you don't look so good."

Feeling a strong wave of nausea start to rise, Elena pushed her hand against her forehead and shut her eyes for a second. "Ric, I get what you're trying to do, and usually I'd back down, but this has gone on long enough. There are things that need to be out in the open one way or the other." She leveled Alaric with a look back from the days when she could reduce a cater waiter to a sniveling mess with the quirk of an eyebrow, relieved when he took a step back to let her pass.

"Elena, maybe you should have a glass of water or take a breath before you go up to see him.," Alaric advised, his voice echoing in the entrance way as he followed her back inside. "I mean for the baby, I'm sure you should stay calm."

Whirling around, Elena could see in Alaric's face he already knew he'd said the wrong thing. "The _baby_?," she bit out. "I wasn't aware that was common knowledge yet."

"Elena, it's not," Alaric promised, trying to soothe her. "Damon just needed to talk to someone and I'm kind of all he has right now."

Knowing she was being irrational since she herself had told Bonnie, Elena tried to restrain her feelings. Then, causing both her and Alaric to grow silent and look up, Damon appeared, pausing halfway down the stairs. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess and his face unshaved. Elena wondered when the last time was that he had taken a shower.

Vaguely aware of Damon conversing with his best friend, Elena began to feel stranger, her lips growing numb as her temperature spiked. The last thing she remembered was seeing Damon turning to look at her with concern, before her vision clouded black and she collapsed.

When she blinked back into consciousness, to her embarrassment she was laid out on Damon's floor, two EMTs hovering over her and Damon and Alaric standing in the background, their faces probably as pale as hers.

"I'm fine," Elena moaned, pushing the medical technician's hands off her. "I'm fine," she reaffirmed sternly, her surroundings becoming in-focus and clear again. She tried to sit up, felt the rush of blood to her head, and closed her eyes trying to stave the lightheadedness off.

"Ma'am you need to lay back down and we're going to take you to Mystic General."

Elena groaned and forced herself into a sitting position "No, I'm not going to the hospital. It's a waste of time. I passed out because I was stupid enough to forget to eat this morning and I had some morning sickness. Happens to people every day."

The female EMT exchanged a look with her co-worker "Yes, Mr. Salvatore informed us you were pregnant, which is why we really advise-"

"Elena, christ, will you just listen to them," Damon intervened, coming to kneel beside where she sat and really looking at her for what felt like the first time since the car accident.

Stubborn to a fault, Elena shook her head again "I have no pains, I know my body and I'm not going to wait hours in the emergency room just because I fainted."

Knowing from years of experience it was impossible to get Elena to back down when she was in this state of mind, Damon scanned her eyes intently. "I'll agree, if you let me call my doctor over to do a home visit. Take it or leave it."

"Fine, whatever," Elena conceded, realizing when she'd reached an impasse. She allowed Damon to help her to the couch in the parlor, letting herself enjoy his familiar warmth just for the short amount of time it took to walk her over, and then watched as Alaric and him saw the EMT'S back out. She heard his muted voice for a few minutes on the phone in the other room before it went silent again.

"Ric left too," Damon informed as he returned, pulling a old quilt over her and setting a glass of water down on the table with a pointed look. "He wants me to call as soon as we know for sure you're okay."

"As I said five minutes ago, I'm perfectly fine, so stop freaking out." She watched with a slight tinge of amusement as Damon sat himself down on the gap next to her and gave an outraged look.

"Why the hell are you being so irate right now?"

Elena leant her head back onto the arm of the couch, glad to feel almost completely back to full health. "Because," she replied succinctly.

"Oh, because." Damon parroted, annoyed at her flippancy, forcing the glass of water into her hand.

"Because I'm mad at myself for swooning like some old lady," Elena surrendered, pleased to see Damon manage a small smile at that.

Shaking his head, his features going hard again, Damon admitted "You fucking scared the shit out of me, Elena. You went white and just dropped. I didn't know-"

Interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell, Damon rolled his eyes to the ceiling, got up, returned with the town doctor and situated himself back down right where he had left. Elena internally cringed thinking about what he must have told or promised him to get the man here so quickly during work hours.

Dr. Roon was in and out even quicker than the EMT's. After asking her the routine questions, reaffirming what she'd known all along, it was obvious she was only suffering from the build-up of the stress from few weeks and low blood sugar. He made her promise to try and relax and to make sure she was getting the proper nutrition. The whole time he spoke, Damon nodded intently behind him, like he was the one dispensing the advice instead of the professional.

Finally when it was just the two of them again, Elena attempted to summon back the will to fight that she'd been so full of that morning "Damon-"

"I know," Damon confirmed, pinching the bridge of his nose, his fingertips white. "I know you want to have this all out now, but first you're going to get some sleep. Please, just ... don't argue with me on this."

Taking in his sunken cheek bones, Elena decided it wouldn't hurt to let their talk go for a few more hours. "Okay, just for a little while." She turned onto her side and pulled the quilt up to her shoulders, trying to fight the heaviness that was suddenly pulling her eyelids closed.

Damon took her hand in his for a second, turning it over, before furrowing his eyebrows and releasing it. "I'll call Bonnie to let her know what's going on," he said distantly. As he walked out of the room, Elena couldn't recall ever seeing his gait looking so defeated before.

When she woke up, the house was dark, heavily silent and as she checked her watch, Elena was surprised to see it was only eight instead of the middle of the night. She stared at the ceiling for a short amount of time, memorizing the crown molding, knowing she was too alert to go back to sleep now. Testing her balance, she stood and crept up the stairs, her feet making their way to Damon's room before she'd even consciously decided where she was heading.

Reassured to see the light through the crack in his door, she knocked softly, inching it slowly open without waiting for a response,

"You should be sleeping," Damon reprimanded flatly, his back to her, while he sat on the side of his bed looking at something in his lap.

It was then, Elena pinpointed, that she just couldn't take it any longer. She missed the man in front of her, missed him more than she'd ever missed anyone before, and she was tired of being scared without him. Moving across the floor, she shuffled over the covers of his bed, remembering how it was the place where he so often had let her know with only a touch that he was there for her.

"Damon," she breathed, returning that sentiment by resting the side of her face against his back, feeling the cloth of his shirt on her cheek. Threading her arms around his middle, she waited as he stiffened and then gradually loosened in her embrace. "Talk to me."

"I don't know where to start," he finally answered lowly, collecting the photographs that he had evidently been looking at when she'd walked in. She caught a few glimpses of ones of Stefan and him as children before he stuffed the memories into a drawer in the nightstand. Damon turned and looked at her fixedly "How can I ask you to forgive me for the way I've been acting, leaving you to feel like you had to go through everything by yourself."

"No, Damon," Elena's voice cracked, she reached over and retrieved the photos Damon had just put away, fanning them in her hand. "You were grieving for your brother and on top of that trying to deal with the guilt. We both have been. We only failed when we let it come between us. We should have been going through this together."

Damon rested his head in his hands before groaning and then looking up again "You should know that I called Jeremy. I didn't want to face you after how much of an asshole I was when I found out you were pregnant, and I wanted you to know that if I couldn't be with you, then you at least had him."

Cupping his cheek softly in her palm, Elena forced Damon to look at her "I already know, he came out for a visit."

Eyes widening in surprise, Damon questioned "How'd that go?"

"I'm pretty sure you gave me the gift of my brother back, so don't ever regret what you did."

Removing her hand from his cheek, but in consolation keeping Elena's fingers wrapped in his, Damon gave a ghost of a half smile "Well it all comes down to one question, forgetting all the bullshit, do you still want to try and get through this together, with me?"

Elena let out a small laugh and looked down for a second "Damon, do you really think after everything I stuck through with Stefan, that I'd give up on _us_ after a few rough days? I know we're both made of stronger stuff than that."

They'd gotten through hell before and they could do it again, Elena was sure now.

Damon seemed to gain some light in his eyes and reached out a hesitant hand to rest on her stomach "And the baby?"

"That's something we'll have to talk about and we need decide what we both want. But we will decide it together." Elena took his face in her hands, mirroring the gesture he'd done to her countless times in the past "We have a mountain of things to figure out, and get through, but we'll survive if we're both 100% in. Are you in?"

"When it comes to you, I've always been in," Damon exhaled, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. "And we can talk until we're blue in the face tomorrow, but just stay with me tonight?"

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Elena nodded "On one condition."

Looking at her with an air of confusion, Damon waited for her to to continue.

"That you take a goddamn shower, because you _stink_ and I'm not sharing a bed with that smell." Elena grinned, lightly pushing at his shoulder

Watching Damon grumble, but move to do as she asked, Elena knew that she'd made the right decision to fight for them. Out of all the things she'd fought for before, this might prove to be the most rewarding.

"Elena?," Damon called from the door to the bathroom, looking at her on his bed, his towel slung over one shoulder. "I love you."

"I know," she replied, because she'd never believed him more.

"I love you too."

* * *

**A/N**- I apologize for the delay! This chapter just didn't want to come out at first. Now that Damon and Elena have started communicating they can begin working through their issues, and deal with the grief and her pregnancy. So we'll see how that goes!

Every reader this fic has, means the world. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And of course a gigantic thank you to my beta dutch_treat, who always manages to work her magic on this story!


	13. Chapter 13

When Elena woke again in the middle of the night, she knew before she opened her eyes that she was alone. She didn't even have to reach her hand across to his side of the bed to check. The gut instinct that always seemed to sense when Damon was near, was cold.

After slipping one of Damon's black sweaters over her thin tank top, she walked through the house. Scoping out the second floor, then the first, Elena chose not to call out, or turn on any extra lights besides the ones that were always burning in the hallway. It was like existing in some halfway land between twilight and the morning. Just when she was about to give up and get back into bed, thinking he must have gone for a drive or something, the open french doors caught her eyes and she walked past the billowing muslin curtains into the back garden.

The sky was exceptionally dark, but with the few garden lanterns dotting the perimeter, Elena found Damon easily, sitting on his hind quarters and digging with bare hands in one of the flower beds at the corner of the immense lawn.

"Interesting time of night to do some gardening," Elena pointed out softly, hoping not to startle him as she reached his location. "Besides you're looking in the wrong place."

Damon, who appeared to take her sudden arrival in his stride, stood up and turned around, dusting clumps of soil from his palms. "Really, Elena? What am I going to have to do to make sure you get some sleep?"

Shrugging, Elena walked over to another flower bed adjacent to the one Damon had just been sitting by. "I'll play nice and get some sleep, when _you_ get some." Perching on the wooden border, she started delving into the dirt "Don't you remember? We buried it under your mother's favorite azaleas and she had a fit."

Eyes narrowed with curiosity, Damon watched as she pulled an old shoebox covered in plastic out of the ground. "How the hell did you guess what I was doing out here?"

"Well it was either that or you had lost your mind." Elena gave him a small smile, trying to convey she understood why he felt he needed to do this straight away, no matter the time. She knew well enough how grief played itself out in bizarre ways. Sweeping the grime off the lid and snapping away the rubber bands that had surrounded it, Elena handed the box over to Damon. "Just come back inside when you're ready. It's getting cold out."

Damon studied her closely "Actually, stay? I'd like to do this with you here."

Elena nodded, comforted that this could be a start of their healing together. "Sure." After all, she _was_ associated with what Damon held in his hands. She could remember with quite an amount of clarity the slow Sunday morning almost twenty years ago when Stefan, Damon and her had gotten together and created a makeshift time capsule.

Lowering himself to sit next to her, Damon hesitated before lifting the lid, both of them illogically feeling like this should be done outside rather than move back into the house. Damon's laugh rang out, piercing the silence, and jolted Elena a little in its suddenness as he lifted the first item from the container, a ziploc bag filled with small plastic circles. "My prized POGs collection. I thought I was making such a huge sacrifice for the future generations that would find them."

Smiling, Elena reached her hand across and took out several items. A hair bow her father had given her in the third grade and that she'd worn every day for at least a straight year. A yellowing drawing of Stefan's. One squashed baseball cap that she couldn't remember which brother it'd belonged to. They sat and sifted through souvenirs and vestiges of their past, chuckling at items that no one else could possibly get the significance of.

After a while they came to the bottom of the box and found three cream envelopes, names scrawled on the fronts with fluctuating levels of competence. Mouth pursed, Damon retrieved the top one, tapping the weight of the letter against his palm. "It's Stefan's," he verbalized, smoothing his fingernail along the crease.

Picking up on his uncertainty, Elena covered his hand with hers, quieting his movements. "How about we leave that one be," she suggested. There was something to be said in letting the innocence of when they were all whole stay undisturbed. A tribute to the younger Salvatore's memory.

Damon nodded in agreement and instead handed over her letter that she'd penned all those years ago, keeping his between his fingers. Biting the bullet, Elena ran her finger under the flap and slipped out a folded sheet of paper. Clearing her throat and lightly smirking she started, "I, Elena Gilbert, of sound mind and body…" She chuckled, looking up and interrupting herself "Where did I come up with this crap? '_Of sound mind and body'_? We were supposed to be writing about our wants and wishes not writing my last will and testament."

"You always did fancy yourself as the next Virginia Woolf," Damon mocked, mirroring her grin. "Anyway, continue."

Skipping through some of the superfluous writing her younger self had obviously thought impressive, Elena verbalized the last line to Damon. "_By the time this letter gets discovered I hope that I can rollerblade faster than Mary Olive who always tries to push me over. I hope that I passed my spelling test on Friday. I hope that I'm married to any one of the Backstreet Boys. And what I want the most, is to have lots and lots of babies and be surrounded by family._"

Elena bit her lip, trying to force back the ache of tears that was threatening. How disappointed would her younger self be if she could see how she had ended up?

"Well, don't leave me hanging," Damon nudged her side gently. "Did you or did you not snag one of the Backstreet Boys?"

Feeling the sting release its hold slightly, Elena shook her head and let a chuckle bubble out of her lips. She knew Damon was still hurting. Hell, _she _still didn't know which way was up. Yet, the essence of what had always been between them seemed to have remained unbroken. Damon wasn't lost to her yet and with a normality she'd missed, he was her rock again.

Damon coughed, and with theatrical fanfare snapped his paper out "I didn't even write out anything coherent, just made a list of bullet points. _Live at the Playboy mansion. Own a Lamborghini. Eat pizza all day, every day_. " Looking sheepish, he continued to read. "Oh wait, there's a P.S. '_By the way, If you're looking at this and time travel has been invented you should totally come and visit me from the future. I'll probably be famous in your time'."_

"Ambitious," Elena commented, eyes wide with faux innocence. "Maybe we should make some calls to Hugh Hefner. Wouldn't want all of those time travelers to be disappointed, now would we?". Damon laughed and she allowed herself to revel in the sound. Their lives had been so dark and painful lately, it felt unimaginably good to let go for a few moments.

Though with Damon's next words, she was brought back to reality with a crash.

"Let's just do this here and now, Elena," Damon suggested, suddenly passionate and pushing the box and letters to the side. "Honesty has always been something we've had, so let's give each other the truths we deserve. Ask me what you want."

Elena considered talking him into postponing this for another few days, but she knew deep down that wouldn't help. It was time to delve in, even if it meant ripping open old wounds. She nodded slowly, drawing from what was in her mind for the first topic. "I need you to believe I love you because you're you and not because you think I have some guilt about owing a debt for saving me or some bullshit."

"When I said that the day of the funeral, it was in the heat of the moment and it shouldn't have come out like that. Yes, I believe you love me, independently from the opportunity to get away from Stefan. I was just trying to find a flaw in us, so I could lash out at someone, have a reason to push you away."

Intertwining her fingers through his, Elena didn't need to verbally express that she more than understood that compulsion. The urge to pick holes in all that is good because you feel like you don't deserve it. Luckily, it seemed like they had both started to beat that monkey off their backs. The next question she needed honestly answered was a biggie, if they couldn't get through that then she didn't know how they'd go forward. "Damon, however Stefan was in the end, he was your brother. And you lost him. He tried to kill you because of me." Sighing, she looked him in the eyes "If you regret what happened with us; and if you do, I don't blame you, then tell me now. Before the resentment becomes uncontrollable and you can't stand the sight of me anymore."

Damon rubbed his hand aggressively down his face, skirting his fingers over the stubble on his jaw. "Elena, Stefan was on a self-destructive path that no one was going to be able to get him off of. I think he would have ended up in the same condition no matter what. Did we hurry that process along? Maybe. But I refuse to take on his actions and let them ruin my life as well. I hate what happened to him, it sucks and it'll take a while to get over, and as fucked up as he and I were, he was my brother. But I love_ you_. Unconditionally. There is not a single part of me that regrets us getting together. If you're going to believe anything, believe that. I never have and I never will."

She kissed him then. Unable to hold it back any longer. Slow and hard, Elena just wanted to taste him. She knew she had needed to hear that Damon didn't look upon her as a misgiving, but until he had actually said it aloud, she hadn't realized just how much. Gently holding his chin between her fingers, she quickly kissed him once more and moved back. "Your turn," she prompted. "Whatever you need to ask."

Damon scrutinized her for a few moments, his jaw growing taut. "Having a child, is that something you really want? Forgetting the timing and the rest of the mess."

Surprising herself and probably Damon too, Elena had the answer ready instantly. "Yes," she confessed "I do". And as soon as she said it she knew it was true. All the hesitating and procrastination she'd been doing over the decision and now she couldn't bring herself to contemplate another path.

"With me?," Damon added stiffly, eyes focusing away from her.

Elena didn't know what kind of mother she'd make, nor did she know what kind of father Damon would be. However, there was no one else in the world she'd rather find out with. "I can't imagine going through this with anyone else," she replied candidly. "What about you? I know this probably isn't something-"

"You know how you've always done that thing since we were kids," Damon interrupted. "Where whenever you feel like you're losing an argument you'll make up a BS statistic from some fake study? I could sit here and do that now. Tell you 100% of unplanned pregnancies work out and the parents always end up with their happily ever after. But you're smarter than that and I think you understand how badly this could go, no matter how much we love each other."

Heart sinking, for the first time Elena had to consider what she'd do if Damon wasn't on the same wavelength.

"But I don't care about any of that. Maybe I'm being naive and maybe this shouldn't make me happy. But it does. Despite the shit storm surrounding us, I want this baby with you. And I can't help feeling like this is a good thing."

"So, we're doing this?," Elena smiled, both fearing and loving the feeling rising in her.

"We're doing this," Damon confirmed, falling quiet for a moment. Then he carried on "Speaking of big decisions. What's the next step?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're not settling anymore, Elena. So whether you want to stay in the boarding house and be in Mystic Falls or go someplace totally different, I'm open to whatever you need to make this work."

In the relatively short amount of time Elena'd had to think about everything, she'd mulled over all the ways how she expected her life to change, besides becoming a mother of course. And it always came back to the same point. "As long as I'm with you, I don't think it matters," she eventually settled on replying. "But you have a business and friends in Mystic Falls, and despite what the town thinks of us, I'm happy here. It's the only place that has ever really felt like home."

"Move in with me then." Damon offered spontaneously, his eyes growing excited. "We're going to do this right. You can make the boarding house ours."

Elena chewed on her lip. Really she should have taken longer to make her choice and maybe she wasn't the most emotionally stable right now, but all she wanted to do was begin her life with Damon. "Okay," she agreed, grinning "Okay. But I won't fall into the same trap I did with Stefan. I want us to be equals. I want to contribute."

Damon nodded, understanding her stubbornness was a testament to how much she wanted this to be successful. "We'll work it out. Whatever we need to do, we have the time."

Drained, they both wordlessly decided enough life-changing alterations had been made that night and they more than needed a week's worth of sleep. Elena watched as Damon buried the container back where they had dug it up from, thinking it felt strangely like they were putting a part of themselves to rest. Going through that box together could have been morose, maybe even further damaging for them, instead it was like it had reminded them to grab happiness where they could find it.

Walking back to the house across the dewy lawn, Elena allowed a small, secret smile. She'd never forget how they decided to have a child, fingernails full of dirt, in the middle of the night. It was so very them though, that she wouldn't have changed a thing.

"She's pregnant," Damon informed the agent at the gate, his face serious as he put weight into each of those words while he handed two plane tickets over.

"Oh, uh, congratulations?," the employee offered uncertainly, a furrow forming between her overly-plucked brows when she spared a glance at Elena.

Damon shook his head, frustrated, and ignored Elena tugging at the sleeve of his leather jacket. "No," he rebuffed her well wishes, "No. I meant _she's pregnant_. Is it safe for her to be flying?"

"As long as she's not in her third trimester. I can assure you, it's perfectly fine." The lady bit her lip to suppress a smile as she watched Damon reluctantly accept the advice. If she had a dollar for every time a concerned parent-to-be had grilled her for safety tips …

Elena turned her head to the side and rolled her eyes. Taking back their tickets, she thanked the agent and grabbed Damon by the forearm, yanking him up the jetway to their plane. "When you insisted on calling the doctor and he told you the exact same thing, that wasn't enough for you?," she hissed out of the side of her mouth, slowing her gait when Damon slipped out from her grip and entangled his fingers with hers instead.

"Excuse me for wanting to make sure we had the whole picture," Damon volleyed back, helping Elena into her seat before stretching to put their bags in the overhead bins.

Since their talk, and the decision to have the baby, Damon had taken to being over-protective like it was a career choice. During the last few days, Elena had more often than not found him staring at her stomach when he thought she wasn't looking, like he was expecting to suddenly catch it growing. And although she may have acted like Damon coddling her was silly, she was secretly truly touched. She felt safe in her pregnancy, so unlike the last time she had gone through this, and she knew it was all because of the man sitting next to her.

When she had mentioned to Damon she couldn't put a trip to Chicago off any longer, he had insisted on accompanying her. Even when she pointed out he'd miss more work, and that it would be a painful situation for both of them, he was unmovable in his choice. So they had packed their bags and left as soon as possible, eager to get the next step of starting their life together over and done with.

"Can I get you any drinks?"

Elena glanced up at the flight attendant and ordered a sparkling water, raising an eyebrow at Damon when he only tersely shook his head and went back to staring out the window at the shrinking landscape below. Eyes shooting down to Damon's hand white-knuckling the armrest, she all of a sudden picked up on what had Damon acting so strained since this morning.

"Damon, are you scared of flying?," she inquired gently, mind flashing back to how, on the few times Damon would visit Stefan and her at the beginning of their marriage, he had always driven.

"Please," Damon scoffed, still not turning around to meet her gaze. Knowing to keep silent, Elena didn't have to wait long for him to break. "It's just not natural," Damon finally moaned scathingly. "Shooting through the air in a metal tube."

Concealing a smile at the man she thought was practically indomitable, exposing some vulnerability, Elena pinched his bicep to get his attention. "Archibald," she offered. Tapping her finger against her chin, she added thoughtfully "Or maybe Cecil."

Interest vaguely piqued, Damon turned in his seat to completely face Elena. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Baby names of course." Elena smiled sweetly "What do you think of Bertha for a girl?"

The sheer horror that crossed Damon's face was almost amusing. "Wha- _no," _he spluttered, cheeks rising with color. "_Cecil?_ What are you smoking?"

Elena could only bite her lip and and keep a straight face for so long. "Just kidding," she beamed, giggling at Damon's outraged expression. "Got your mind off your little problem though, didn't it?"

"I can think of way better ways for you to distract me," Damon taunted, the smirk she hadn't seen nearly often enough lately curling his mouth.

Hastily putting a finger against his lips, Elena shook her head. "I'm going to stop you right there from making some awful mile-high club joke."

An inch shy of pouting, Damon lightly bit the tip of her finger before she could pull it away again.

"Try to nap," Elena suggested, going back to flipping through the in-flight magazine. Joking, she promised "I'll wake you if we run into any danger."

Damon sneered, but none-the-less stuffed the complimentary pillow between his head and the side of the plane, shutting his eyes immediately. A few seconds later, Elena smiled to herself when she felt his hand search out hers, their hands staying linked over the armrest for the duration of the flight.

The meeting with the attorney turned out to be straight forward enough. Stefan had left her almost everything in his will, along with a sizable chunk of life-insurance. But Elena only felt nausea looking at the final figure. All that time spent when they were together, destroying themselves over money, and now she had so much she didn't know what to do with it. Of course the only reason for the gain was because her husband had tried to kill his brother over her. In turn, it made every cent feel like blood money.

In the end, over coffee, and much to Damon's consternation, Elena decided to put half of it away in a bank account for their child and the other half she forced him to take for his mother. She needed to know Damon would be able to stop working himself to the bone for the peace of mind that Violetta would be looked after comfortably.

On their second day in Chicago, Elena, not wanting to stay there a minute longer than necessary, plowed straight on to the next errand without pause. Unlocking the door to her house, which had never felt like a home, she could tell the air was unsurprisingly stale. The lingering presence of Stefan was far too strong for her liking and caused her to shiver involuntarily until Damon stepped in over the doorstep behind her.

"Wow, I forgot how fucking intense this place was," Damon murmured, absorbing the sweeping horseshoe staircase that filled the foyer and the vast open-plan rooms that held no warmth. He looked at Elena "Are you sure you want to sell? You can take some time to think about it, Elena. We don't have to do everything at once."

"No, I want it gone. This place has always given me the creeps." Elena assured, eyes running over the numerous glass ornaments that Stefan had consistently seemed to favor. To her they had always served as a constant reflection of how fragile and weak their marriage had been. The place would be easy to put on the market and a perfect contender to be snapped up quickly. Hopefully the rest of the sale could be conducted back in Virginia.

Damon nodded, willing to get them through this trip any way she felt most comfortable with. Watching as she ascended the stairs, he grabbed the stack of cardboard boxes they had brought and followed her up.

"I'll hire some people when we're gone to pack the rest of the house up," Elena said, guiding them into the master bedroom. Elena suspected that Damon felt just as uncomfortable and out of place in this room as she did. "I only wanted to save some things from in here, everything else can go into storage or be sold." She blinked slowly for a second and looked over her shoulder at Damon "If there's anything of his you want to keep, then take it."

Damon stiffened and shook his head, grunting a refusal. He may not have wanted anything from this house, but Elena knew he had Stefan's signet ring with the Salvatore crest tucked into a drawer back home. She chose to let Damon keep that secret for himself.

They worked in near silence for the next couple of hours. The only noise being made when Damon would periodically ask which pile something needed to go on. Nearing the end of their task, Elena was going over the last few items on her bedside table when she saw it, innocently sitting right where she had left it months ago.

Sensing the chance in Elena's countenance, Damon looked up from the box he was taping shut and stood. "What's the matter?," he asked, craning his head to see why she had frozen.

"Nothing really," Elena eventually replied, turning around to show him the item she was holding in her hand. "It's just a bottle of Chanel No.5." Taking the top off, she inhaled quickly, cringing when she caught the familiar scent.

Damon only waited, realizing she would elaborate when ready.

"Stefan loved the smell. Would buy me a new bottle every Christmas and birthday. I used to walk around in a cloud of the stuff." Elena grimaced, twirling the fragrance bottle in her palms. "It took me years to realize I couldn't stand it. Too cloying for me. But I kept on wearing it because it was comfortable and safe." She shook herself out of the memory and walked over to where Damon was standing, eyes boring into his. "Promise me we'll never be like that. Promise me we'll never do anything just because it's the safe thing to do."

"I think we've already proven that safe will never be us, haven't we?" Damon reminded her. "Choosing each other. _You leaving Stefan_. Those were the least easy options. But you didn't let that stop you. We're both different people now." He gently pried the perfume from her hands and significantly dropped it heavily into the trash. "

It was only when Elena was brushing her hair the next morning in the bathroom mirror she realized it was almost all behind her. They had two more hours until check-out and then they were flying back to Virginia. And if all went according to plan this was the last time she'd had to step foot in Illinois. She allowed herself a brief sigh of relief.

Damon interrupted her musings by coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her middle, caressing his nose along her cheek and placing a kiss on the corner of her lips. She stared rapt at their reflection in the mirror, and although knowing they still had grief and smaller obstacles to work through, for the first time in a very, very long while Elena was looking forward to the future and was ready to leave the past behind for good.

* * *

**A/N- **First of all, I cannot apologize enough for the lateness of this chapter. School, work and real life all came together to make the perfect storm. I promise it'll be back to regular updates now. I hope some of you are still liking this story!

Next chapter will probably be the last, mostly covering Elena's pregnancy, and then maybe an epilogue. And of course, I can't thank my wonder beta enough, dutch_treat has been a god send.

Hope you enjoy ! x


	14. Chapter 14

**Seven months later**

* * *

Elena bit back a smile as she walked through the heavy boarding house door, shutting it behind her with a kick, and came across what was lying in wait for her inside. Damon had situated himself in the living room squarely where he knew she'd see him as soon as she walked in. He had his legs relaxed, his right arm extended casually over the back of the sofa and was harmlessly immersed in the magazine lying on his lap, pretending his location and timing was a total coincidence.

But Elena knew better. His eyes weren't moving across the page and it was rare to find him alone and sitting still at this time of day. And most telling? Damon Salvatore would rather eat live snakes than read Cosmopolitan magazine for any length of time.

She'd let him keep his pretense though, and would wait for him to give a reason for his behavior in his own time. Balancing the five boxes of luxury bakery treats that had arrived for her at work today on the crook of her arm, she slipped off her sunglasses with her other hand and fell back onto the couch opposite her boyfriend, making sure the cases of desserts landed somewhat carefully next to her.

"Surprised to see you home so early," Elena commented sweetly, her inflection unnervingly polite. "I thought you were spending the day with Ric."

"I have been," Damon acknowledged, matching her tone. He closed the glossy magazine, chucking it back onto the glass coffee table and folded his hands neatly in his lap, smiling at her like butter wouldn't melt. "I wanted to come home early to see you."

Elena let a smirk grow. Damon was never overtly saccharine. Passionate? Yes. Devoted? Always. But cutesy and sappy? Unlikely. And he hadn't quite managed to hide the indication of nervousness in the tenseness around his eyes. Add that to the 'anonymous' treats that had been delivered to her today and it was obvious he thought he was in the doghouse for something.

"Sweet of you," Elena responded dryly. She tapped the nail of her pointer finger on the boxes next to her. "You feel like telling me why you sent me a bakery's worth of Macaroons today?"

Damon affected a look of bewilderment. "I don't know what you're-." Rolling his eyes when he saw her expression grow challenging, he gave in, holding his hands out. "Okay, it was me who organized the delivery. What, I'm not allowed to send my girl her favorite dessert for no reason? That's a crime now?"

Elena tried. She really did try to keep her face impassive. Even if the gifts apparently were only given because he thought he needed to apologize about something, she didn't want him to discover that his sweet gesture was a little bit of a mistake. Unfortunately he picked up right away on the grin she was trying to hold back by folding her lips over her teeth.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Damon, I really appreciate the thought. I do. They look amazing. And if I wasn't allergic to coconut I'm sure they would taste delicious too."

Brow lowering, Damon frowned "I'm not an imbecile, _Elena. _I know exactly what you're allergic to, including coconut_. _You think I forgot the time you had a Mounds bar in the third grade and had to be rushed to the hospital because your throat swelled up?"

Elena opened the closest white carton and picked up one of the crispy brown confections, pinching it between her fingernails while being careful not to touch it. "Macaroons are, uh, filled with coconut."

"Wha-why?," Damon sputtered, pulling on the ends of his hair. "Why have you been telling me your whole life that that's your favorite dessert when it's one you can't even eat because you're deathly allergic to it?"

Gently, Elena filled him in on what she had guessed from the beginning had been his confusion. "I love _Macarons_, Damon. These are Macaroons."

Damon glared at her like he thought she was being deliberately obscure. Trying to resolve the issue for him, Elena explained, enthusiastically gesturing with her hands. "One is like a fluffy ball of coconut and the other is a little meringue sandwich with-"

Blankly staring at her, Damon raised an eyebrow.

"You know what? It doesn't matter," Elena admitted defeat, sensing he had stopped listening to her bakery 101 lesson. "It really is the thought that counts. However, I'm curious about why you felt you needed to send them in the first place. The truth this time too, please?".

She could buy that one or two boxes may have been a nice, throwaway present. But _five_? It would have cost a fortune.

Sheepishly leaning forward a marginal amount, Damon rubbed his hand behind his neck. "I got some of the numbers back yesterday. You were right about the ad campaign, our profit margin went up. By a lot actually."

Taken aback, she didn't react to his confession straight away. After Elena had started to settle down once she had officially moved into the boarding house several months ago, she had been fanatic about finding a job. Never again would she let herself be dependent on someone else. She needed to feel like she could contribute something, anything. At first, Damon had requested for her to hold off until after the baby was born, but he could see in her eyes it would be useless trying to keep her back on this.

For Elena the reality was much tougher than she'd dreamt. With so many years out of the work force and little experience, her bachelors in business was a weak currency in the job market. It was only on a day when Elena was bored and waiting in Damon's office for him to finish work, when she had started to passively skim through some of the orders and balances he'd left out on his desk and without really thinking started marking places for improvement.

So involved, she hadn't even noticed Damon watching her until he had coughed and moved over to see what she was doing. Instead of the reprimand she'd expected for messing with his things, Damon asked a few questions, and then shocked her by offering her a management position on the spot.

At first she was almost furious. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid, being handed things on a silver platter. But the more Damon argued his case- talking circles around her as he loved to do- the more she could see his point of view.

He told her she'd have to prove herself, that she wouldn't get any special treatment and it'd be on a trial basis. Just like it would be with any other job. And he'd been meaning to get someone in to ease the work load a little anyway, might as well be the girl he loved. When Elena hesitantly accepted she made sure she would'nt let Damon down. She read up every night on anything she could get her hands on about the car business and grilled Damon about the history of his profession, and then at the crack of dawn she'd be at Salvatore Mechanics with a coffee in hand for her and Steve, ready to put in a full day.

In time, Elena came to relish the long hours where she had something to show for at the end. She caught on quick and was adept in knowing how Damon liked things to be run. Eventually, Damon even had the confidence in her to leave her operating the auto-shop on her own for half the week, allowing him the time he desperately needed to get things ready for the baby, to relax (something which had been a long time coming), and to spend more time with his mother and Alaric.

Damon trusting her enough to leave something he had worked his whole life for in her hands, meant the world to Elena. And usually Damon gave her free reign and was impressed with any changes she would deign to make. Yet, a few weeks ago when Elena had started to put into motion plans for an expansion and then released an ad campaign on local TV stations, Damon had hit the roof. Said it was corrupting the traditional feel of the place or something. Elena had argued he was outdated and to pull the stick out of his ass if he wanted to start making a substantial profit. They had argued about it all the way home until Damon had governed the rule of 'no talking shop once we step over the threshold', and then proceeded to take her on every flat surface of the living room.

So when Damon told her she'd been right, it took her a couple of minutes to process.

"That's great. I think?," Elena stated, pleased that the risk she'd taken had paid off, but worried that it would agitate Damon. She didn't want him to think she was trying to take over what was his.

"No, it is," Damon assured. "You were right. I was scared of change. But we promised each other we wouldn't ever be that again, didn't we? And I'm glad you pushed me on this one." He sighed, suddenly looking guilty "The stuff from the bakery was supposed to be an apology for making you feel like I didn't believe in you."

Elena sighed, and shook her head "You don't need to apologize. I get it, Damon. This is still pretty new to us. All these adjustments can be hard sometimes. I know you believe in me. Doesn't mean you can't speak up when you think I'm making a mistake." To be perfectly honest, she had forgotten all about the dispute. Pregnancy brain and all. Pushing herself up with some difficulty, she walked the few steps over to Damon. "Besides," she concluded, cupping his cheeks and scrunching them together between her palms. "I can't stay mad at this pretty face for long."

Scoffing, Damon grabbed her around the waist and smoothly pulled her down next to him. He quickly leant over and placed a kiss on her lips and then one on her stomach which lately seemed to be masquerading as a basketball. This greeting was one Elena had been expecting since she'd walked through the door. Even if Alaric did give him holy hell for it, it was rare for Damon not to act like the fawning father-to-be whenever he got the chance.

"How are you feeling today?" Damon queried, arranging Elena so her head rested in his lap and her legs extended out along the length of the couch.

Letting out a noise of contentment as Damon carded his fingers through strands of her hair, Elena performed a quick mental once over. "Good actually," she remarked thoughtfully. "Apart from your child treating my bladder like a stress ball." Elena let the words she just spoke marinate a while before scrunching her eyes closed and pinching the bridge of her nose, groaning "Oh God, this may be the least sexiest conversation we've ever had."

Damon barked out a note of unadulterated laughter. "Our conversations will always be hot. Even if they _are_ about you peeing."

"Damon," Elena began carefully, blinking her eyes open and staring straight up at Damon after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "You know you don't have to freak out each time we get into a fight, don't you? I mean sending me gifts and waiting for me at home just because we disagreed on something?" Glancing down, her eyelashes resting on her cheeks, she joked with a hint of shame "Am I really that scary?"

"I just ..." Damon sighed, groaning and looking around the room, refusing to meet her gaze. "I just want to make sure you're happy."

Elena's heart folded into itself like it always did whenever Damon said something remorselessly honest and open. Even after the relatively short amount of time they'd spent in a relationship, it was still astonishing to her when her partner was willing to discuss their issues. The beginning of the end of her and Stefan had always been when the communication ceased to exist.

Sitting up again so it was clear she was going to say something crucial, Elena fixed Damon with a hard stare. "I am happy. You know what makes me happy? You. Just you being you." She furrowed her brows "I'm not going to disappear if we make each other mad. You don't have to twist yourself inside out to make sure that I'm okay."

"I know that," Damon confirmed gruffly. "There's just a little bit of a learning curve on this whole serious relationship thing for me."

"Hey, for me as well. Believe it or not," Elena disclosed, the corner of her mouth crinkling into a smile and her hand automatically going up to hold Damon's cheek. "I get scared too. Scared that if I somehow fail or disappoint you, you'll change like he did. And I'll lose the person I love again." She could see Damon wondering why her eyes where shining happily. "But then I remember you're not Stefan. Nowhere close. And that I trust you. I trust in us. Then everything is okay again."

The taut lines in Damon's forehead and jaw seemed to fall away, and he relaxed, bringing her head to rest on the space between his shoulder and neck.

And that was how they had worked through everything that had cropped up in the previous months. They had made their bond something that was concrete and unshakeable, a far cry from how it had started. They talked about anything and everything that needed to be discussed without shying away from the difficult topics. It became a rule to not go to bed until all was solved, no matter how long it took.

It was how they came to terms with the actuality that they were going to be parents and a real family soon enough. And it was how they got through experiencing a pregnancy, mourning the loss of Stefan, and building a new relationship all at the same time.

Plus it never hurt that Damon insisted on going out at least once a week to the falls where it all started, making excellent use of the backseat of his Camaro.

In the long run, the residents of Mystic Falls let the scandal of the Salvatore brothers eventually slip out of their crosshairs. Just like Bonnie and Damon had promised, soon enough another small town scandal had hit, and suddenly Damon and Elena were old news. Hell, just the other day Mrs. Greenway had acknowledged Elena pleasantly enough in the cereal aisle at Whole Foods.

As for her pregnancy, Elena had found herself lucky to have had pretty much smooth sailing the whole rest of the way. She probably owed it all to Damon. He was attentive without being clingy, and every morning she couldn't help but let his excitement rub off on her. He even pinky swore never to tell anyone the weird amalgamations of foods that her cravings had made her ingest. Any fears over Damon being committed never even had a chance to materialize. He was in this for the long haul. And of course he had insisted on being there for all of the doctors appointments.

_"Okay, If I win the bet then you have to throw away that God awful ceramic cactus you insist on keeping in the living room," Elena grinned too widely to be genuine as she adjusted her sweater so her stomach was readily exposed, shifting uncomfortably against the leather on the hospital bed she was laying against._

_Damon, sitting on a swivel chair backwards, his chest pressed to the backrest, feigned affront. "But Ric brought that for me from Tijuana! His blood and sweat went into bringing that back over the border."_

_Rolling her eyes, Elena shrugged "Well if you're so sure that you're not going to tear up at least a little when you see the_ **first picture ever**_ of our child, then you have nothing to worry about do you? Your precious, ugly cactus will remain safe."_

_"It's a deal," Damon reached over and shook her hand with faux seriousness. "If I make it through the ultrasound with dry eyes then you have to ..." He faltered, trying to think of something worthy enough that he could choose if he was to win the bet. "I don't know. I'll have to consider what I want very carefully."_

_"As if I'd give you carte blanche-"_

_Elena's shrieked indignation was cut off by the medical technician entering into the room. Smiling sagely, the middle age female greeted the young couple, asked a few routine questions and began to spread the warmed gel over Elena's stomach._

_Releasing a deep breath and letting her head fall back, Elena focused on the black and white images moving on the screen. A tidal wave of emotion she wasn't expecting filled her while she waited for the sound of their baby's heartbeat to be found. It wasn't like Damon and her hadn't already settled nicely into the idea that they were going to have a child, but this just made __everything__ so much more definite and solid. Without looking down, she felt Damon's hand envelop hers._

_"And there it is," the technician finally let the probe she'd been gliding over Elena stomach remain stationary as a sonorous thump-thump filled the room. "Looks like you're about 18 weeks." She began to point out the small details and features on the screen, reassuring the parents-to-be that everything seemed to be normal and healthy. _

_Taken over by a sudden rush of all-consuming love for what was growing inside of her, Elena turned to see how Damon was processing the experience. To her surprise, he was drained of color and had gone very still, eyes darting from her stomach to the sonographer's display._

_"Oh dear, it looks like daddy is a little overwhelmed." The doctor sent Elena a sympathetic smile "I wouldn't worry, I can't even count all the times I've had men faint in here." She peered at Damon in a motherly fashion "Maybe put your head between your legs, that should help." _

_Like Elena had guessed it would, the coddling made Damon gain the color straight back into his face. "I don't need to put my head between my legs," he grunted crabbily, like he had been unforgivably offended. "Salvatores don't faint."_

_Elena chose not to remind him of the time when he was fifteen and had broken his arm. He had seen the unnatural angle of his elbow sticking out, and promptly dropped to the floor, blacking out with a thwack. _

_Watching as Damon's face eased and when she was sure that he was back to normal, Elena stroked a quick hand through the side of his hair and turned back to the woman. "We're fine, really."_

_"Okay, well, we're pretty much done here. Have you decided if you want to know the sex of the baby? I can tell you today with a high percent of certainty because of the position it's in."_

_Astounded, Elena realized Damon and her hadn't even considered this option. "I actually …" She paused to glance at him "I actually would rather it be a surprise. I don't know how you feel about it?"_

_"Then we're in agreement," Damon disclosed, resting his chin on his hand and looking smugly pleased. "For once."_

_Elena chuckled. Trust Damon to go the traditional route. _

_Wheeling her equipment away, the technician nodded. "Okay, all you need to do now is schedule your next appointment at the desk and your printed off sonogram will be waiting for you. Best of luck to the both of you."_

_Left alone once more, Elena grabbed some brown paper towels and concentrated on wiping at the gel on her stomach. She knew Damon would talk when he was ready and he would feel suffocated if she pushed him._

_"We actually saw our baby. We made that," Damon finally articulated, his inflection strong but amazed. "Together."_

_Warmed by his reaction, Elena glanced up at him, content to share the moment with the man she loved. "Ha!," she blurted out when she caught sight of him, his eyes ever so slightly brimming at the waterline. "Say goodbye to the cactus, Salvatore."_

As the months wore on, and the due date loomed closer, Elena tackled each day of her new life with aplomb. And she really couldn't recall a time _ever_ when she'd been so blissfully happy. Even when they were bickering or flat-out arguing she felt safe in the knowledge that their love was more than enough for it not to matter in the long run.

It was refreshing being independent after all these years. She'd taught herself how to cook again, enjoying working with Damon in the kitchen at meal times and liking not having to rely on someone else. Granted, it took a while for her to accept Damon's proclivity to be an absolute neat freak. And, yes, the boarding house was a little messier than it used to be before she had arrived, but that couldn't really be helped. Especially after she committed the high treason of mixing the pinks in the hot wash and using the wrong kind of polish on the hardwood floors. From then on Damon had insisted, vehemently, that he would continue to do the lions share of the housework.

Together, no matter how backwards they did things, Damon and Elena just made sense.

"Is that really the last thing?" Damon looked around in disbelief at the room that had been slowly made into a nursery over the last couple of weeks. He dropped the screwdriver he was holding and gave the mahogany crib he'd just finished constructing a firm shake to test it's sturdiness. "Are we actually done?"

With only two weeks to go to her due date, Elena had taken great pleasure in being able to just sit and watch Damon do all the heavy lifting while she gave instructions. But she did like to remind Damon that _she'd_ been the one who had painted the whole baseboard, even if they did hire painters to do the rest of the walls.

"I think so," Elena stood up and looked around in wonder. Somehow Damon had nailed exactly the simplistic but classic feel of the room that she'd envisioned. Bracing her hand against the small of her back, she eyed the mountain of shopping bags in the corner. "We still need to unpack some of the things we brought though."

"That _you _brought." Damon amended, smirking. "I may have been with you when you got them, but baby, that dent in our bank account was all you."

Elena huffed. Sure, maybe she had gotten a little carried away at some of the stores they'd visited. But what he didn't know was that she was more than aware of the online purchases Damon thought he was being so sneaky about. Hell, why did he need an all-terrain stroller anyway?

Luckily, today, for once her hormones weren't going overly wacky, so she managed to profusely thank Damon for making the nursery perfect instead of bursting into tears over his sarcasm. Stretching her arms over her head, she wandered out of the door, mind already cataloging where she wanted to put away all her purchases.

After one final look around, Damon followed her down the stairs and into living room, slumping down onto the couch next to her.

"What's for dinner?" Elena queried absently, playing with the hand that Damon had slung around her shoulder while he channel surfed.

Damon checked his watch before going back to watching the TV. "You want to call in for Thai or something?"

Elena closed her eyes and rested her head back against the warmth of his chest, listening to the sounds of the reality show he had finally chosen. "Sure, I don't really feel like cooking."

For the next ten minutes they lounged sleepily, Elena drifting in and out of napping. It was only when she sensed a cold weight sliding down and settling on her finger that her eyes snapped open in surprise.

"Damon," Elena asked drolly, her heart strangely peaceful and calm. "Is there a reason why a sapphire ring, stunning though it is, just appeared magically on my left hand?"

"I bet, if you think _really_ long and hard about it, you could figure it out."

Elena twisted around, shocked that there was uncertainty in the depths of his eyes that were drilling back into hers. She leant into his hands that came up to cradle both sides of her face.

"It's not because of the baby, or some shot-gun marriage type of deal," he asserted, suddenly somber. "You have to know this is because I want, _need_, to be tied to you any way I can be."

For Elena there wasn't even a moment of hesitation. Not even an ounce of fear about getting married again. She knew better than anyone that there was no way of knowing how it was all going to turn out, but if she was going to make this leap once more, it would only ever be with Damon.

She kissed the spot behind his ear that always made him shiver and close his eyes. "Of course it's a yes, Damon. There was never any question."

* * *

**A/N**- Officially this is the last chapter of IAMB. There will, of course, be an epilogue if you want one! But, I can't thank you all enough for going on this journey with me. It makes it worth it when you know people actually like reading your writing.

And to dutch_treat, who really is invaluable. A million times thank-you for taking time out of your own life to help and work with me.

Hope you all enjoy x


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